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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's not that into me?

42 replies

Rosheeen · 30/12/2015 14:48

He is really busy but sounded like he wanted to "make things work" when we met - we didn't discuss when we could see each again though after first few meetups though?
He has huge professional exams coming up in late feb, working long shifts at work mon-fri (and sometimes weekends/nights), then is moving abroad for two months in March for a work placement.
However he will be back in summer, when we will both be a lot more available. Currently we live three hours away by train.
Over Xmas we have been chatting (on and off, I messaged first). I then asked him out to a nye event. He said he had already sorted out something else with friends.
Aib to just leave it now? I don't want to keep asking him out and then getting rejected. I also want to know where I stand. I imagine that if he wanted to see me, he would make it happen, right?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosheeen · 30/12/2015 18:30

I don't think it was that though cheezy

He seemed really nervous and pretty much laid his cards out on the table - said he was looking for a relationship, was busy but wanted to make it work.

There was no real chase, even at the beginning? We also haven't slept together. He's young and pretty inexperienced I think, I've had relationships before but he hasn't?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosheeen · 30/12/2015 19:51

My head is a complete mess. Crap way to start the new year! I just want some hope that he likes me I don't know why I care so much actually Confused

OP posts:
Leelu6 · 30/12/2015 19:55

OP, the less they want us, the more we want them. It's human nature. :)

Original poster
Rosheeen · 30/12/2015 19:55

Cheers to that Leelu Wine

OP posts:
HortonWho · 30/12/2015 20:28

You keep talking about him liking you.

How about you focus on whether you like him enough to be put on a shelf for a maybe?

Original poster
Rosheeen · 30/12/2015 20:36

I don't understand Horton sorry Blush

I was worried he wouldn't like me, that's why I keep talking about it. Also to me it's simple. You like someone, you see them again. So I'm confused at how his words now seem to bely his precious actions/words

OP posts:
HortonWho · 30/12/2015 20:42

Never mind if he likes you, do you like him enough to put up with all this? He lives nowhere near you, he's going away for months, you two have no commitment to one another... Do you really like him so much you are happy to stop dating just in case he comes back and might want to have a long distance relationship with you?

Because if the answer is no, then sit back, keep dating, and if you're still single when/if he contacts you again, you can then decide what you'd like to do next.

Original poster
Rosheeen · 30/12/2015 20:51

Youre right. It's just bizarre because as I said we'll both be living in the same city by summer, so would be easy then. Also I have big exams coming up over the next few months actually, for uni (finals) so not going to be dating for the next few weeks really, need to focus.
So the way I see it, I'm not putting things on hold for him as such, just living my life and then if we're both in the right place at the right time in summer, we can see each other casually then?

OP posts:
FelicityFixIt · 30/12/2015 23:30

Who knows why people do anything? All I know - and I'll be right - is that people who are into you are calling you, texting you and most importantly , seeing you

Mmmmcake123 · 30/12/2015 23:42

You can think about him in the next few months but he is not available to you which is a horrid waiting situation to be in. Try to put him out of your mind, date for fun when opportunities come along. If he contacts you in the summer you will know then if you still want him.
Don't be a beg for your own sanity Flowers

godblessamerica · 31/12/2015 00:58

your thread title says 'he's not into me, right?' but your posts say 'I feel like he's not into me, why not, I really like him, he implied he liked me too, why is he not responding the way I want, what can I do to make him really like me'.

You sound like a head melter.

sonjadog · 31/12/2015 01:17

I have no idea if he likes you or not, but this is not the time for this relationship to blossom. The timing is not in your favour. Maybe you will get together in the summer, maybe not. There are no guarantees and no way to predict what will happen. You just have to relax, get on with your life, get busy with other things and see what happens in the summer. Don't make plans, don't analyse what he thinks. Just focus on living your life.

daisychain01 · 31/12/2015 07:16

Anyone can say they want a relationship. But if they aren't that bothered, if they know they've go loads of exciting things on their life horizon, then believe me you will be waaaay own their pecking order.

Please mae it your NY resolution to learn the dfference between words (easy peasy) and actions (thought, emotion, investment, effort). The sooner you can accept there is a difference, the more likely you are to invest your time in two - way relationships.

Please tell us you aren't going to wait until the summer and give this (I'm sure nice,but uninvested) person a new chance to waste your time. Which it will be if you want a relationship and he doesn't.

daisychain01 · 31/12/2015 07:16

Low down....

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 31/12/2015 11:01

i think it is best to stop analysing what might be or what he could be thinking you do not know and this is what is difficult but trying to work out what you do not know is keeping you locked it to what could be going on rather that what is happening

take the situation as it is and what you do know. is he making an effort? not really. is he making regular contact? not really

not really isn't or shouldn't be good enough

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 31/12/2015 12:24

"Also to me it's simple. You like someone, you see them again."

Ah, but life isn't that simple. I've discovered that love doesn't conquer all, that someone can like a person but if their life is consumed with more important stuff than dating then that takes priority. It has to. So I think you can be someone he likes but he has to (in the short term) focus on things that really affect his future. So should you. My advice is to concentrate on your finals, put him to the back of your mind, then see how you feel in the summer.

chipshop · 31/12/2015 13:24

If you were one of my friends my advice would be - you've made it clear you like him, do NOT contact him again. If he likes you he will make contact. If he feels in a position to date you this summer he will make contact then. If you don't hear from him again, you have your answer.

If he's not prepared to make any effort then he's not worthy of you, it's quite simple.

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