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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Yet more bloody gift rows?

19 replies

bettyberry · 30/12/2015 10:19

For the record, I opted out of gift giving about 5 years ago due to my financial situ being so shit. At the time I was on less than 10k a year and my boy even received homemade and charity shop gifts in that time. I made homemade jam the 1st year and gave a jar to everyone but it wasn't well received. Things have improved financially somewhat but I have still decided to not exchange gifts because giving them would still mean jiggling my budget and taking money from our saved xmas fund iyswim. There are around 30 people in my immediate family to buy for If I did do the whole gift exchange thing so not cheap for anyone and no one else does the gift exchange thing either.

It was agreed upon by everyone and we do get togethers around xmas and everyone brings a plate and something to drink instead

Now DC, 8yo, decided with his left over pocket money to buy his aunt and uncle, my sis and BIL, a gift and give his cousin some of his old (but in ex condition) minecraft clothes.

He bought them and wrapped them himself. The bought gifts were sweets from the poundshop not that its relevant where he bought them from

I have no problem with this. We went out, he spent some of his money on himself (this was some xmas money from a neighbour and pocket money for something he was saving for) and decided to spend £2 on his aunt and uncle who look after him a fair bit and he explained quite clearly this to me that they always buy him sweets when he visits. His money, his choice etc etc.

The gifts were given before everyone else showed up and put away but my Other sister has kicked off big time that I never give gifts for her kids, she always does it she doesn't and I'm a stingy cow for not buying her a present too. She was particularly pissed off I hadn't given her children a gift. Now, she waited until I had gone to do this. Really giving my other sister and BIL shit because she received the gift and not her which I am not happy about. If she wasn't happy she should've said so when I was there and I could've pointed out if she has a problem to stuff it up her arse but she didn't. Instead she made everyone's day really shit by throwing a massive wobbly over a £1 bag of chocolate. No one else, not even the kids who are all under 10 threw a fit over lack of gifts.

The worst of it is the kids were there when it happened and now DCs cousins have told him he is really mean for not buying his other aunty a present so of course he is upset and wants to buy her one and i'm trying to explain that when someone stamps their feet like that they don't deserve anything at all.

Now who is being unreasonable?

Me for letting my son buy a gift for his aunt and uncle because he sees them loads, stays over often and wanted to do something nice or my sister for kicking off about what an 8yo does with his money and ruining everyone's day?

Should I really have bought everyone a gift even though we adults have agreed not to and NO ONE else exchanged gifts that day?

I think she is being entitled and its unfair to make an 8yo feel shit :(

why is my family so fucked up

OP posts:

gabsdot45 · 30/12/2015 10:22

Your sister IBU obviously and very mean and unkind.
Your son did a lovely generous thing, make sure he knows it.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 30/12/2015 10:24

You son has enbraced the gift if giving. That is lovely!! You have a thoughtful son, and should be proud!!
Sis can do one!

MoMoTy · 30/12/2015 10:24

Yanbu it's disgusting that she's picked on an 8yo boy who did something kind and lovely for people who he is close to. She's a bloody adult and crying over 2 pound sweets. Shame on her for getting the kids involved in this too.

venusinscorpio · 30/12/2015 10:28

What a lovely sweet little boy. Of course your sister is BU.

emotionsecho · 30/12/2015 10:28

It might have been better if your son had given the gifts to his aunt, uncle and cousins when he visited them but that doesn't excuse your other sister for behaving so badly.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/12/2015 10:31

I think you and your lad made the right decision regarding the gifts, he sounds a lovely boy and shouldn't feel bad because an adult has thrown a hissy fit.

Your sister has behaved like an idiot, no way should your ds feel he has to pacify her, what a stupid woman she is.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 30/12/2015 10:31

On a side note - why dont you suggest a secret santa for next year - then everyone gets one gift.

Original poster

bettyberry · 30/12/2015 10:32

emotionsecho we were visiting them. We arrived early. They were opened then put away. We were the only people in the house at the time though I still think giving a gift should be done at any time without someone throwing a tantrum.

OP posts:

Queenbean · 30/12/2015 10:36

I don't think yabu unreasonable at all, but if you gave the gifts to your sister and bil and they were tidied away before everyone else arrived then how does other sister know that your son gave them something?

Is it possible that gifted sister has stirred this up?

Original poster

bettyberry · 30/12/2015 10:37

Sallyhasleftthebuilding no one really knows each other that well. We live in different towns and I couldn't tell you what any of my siblings would really love so the gift would be very generic and we all agreed saving the cash to buy ourselves a treat instead was the best way. We do treat each other though by contributing towards the cost of a buffet by bringing food, drink and crackers so no one has to stump up the whole cost of feeding 30 people.

OP posts:

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 10:40

Your DS is a very sweet boy for doing this.
Your DSIS is being way over the top

Original poster

bettyberry · 30/12/2015 10:42

queen no. She's never been one to shit stir. I think my 4yo nephew might have mentioned he got a minecraft t-shirt from my boy. I can't expect a 4yo to keep his mouth shut. But its the fact she said something almost the second after I left, she was waiting to kick off about it.

OP posts:

Queenbean · 30/12/2015 10:46

In that case, then it sounds like your sister is just being a dick. I'd just give her a call and have it out with her

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 30/12/2015 10:47

Id just ignore her - her attitude speaks volumes about her -not you/your son.
Im sure the others would have seen her true colours. He did nothing wrong.
Let him be kind and thoughful.
Have you spoken to anyone else there? Who told you she kicked off?

notenoughbottle · 30/12/2015 11:11

You're sister sounds like a selfish meanie and you're ds sounds like a lovely boy! Carry on how you are, it's obviously the right way which has been proven by you're ds actions. She was BU to try and make him feel crappy about it

Original poster

bettyberry · 30/12/2015 11:14

I intend to queen

sally My sis who received the gift told me. She was taken aback by the reaction from other sister and wanted to check exactly who bought them etc etc and Mother is working but I intend to ask her too.

OP posts:

Watchatalltimes · 30/12/2015 11:16

YANBU. Your DS sounds like a lovely generous boy. Your sister acted like a spoilt child. Please tell him that he didn't do anything wrong.

emotionsecho · 30/12/2015 12:53

Sorry Betty I misinterpreted it and thought you'd all met somewhere else and that's how she saw/knew about the gifts.

Your sister has behaved dreadfully and it sounds like you need to have it out with her.

Your son on the other hand has behaved beautifully.

throwingpebbles · 30/12/2015 13:08

Your son is lovely. Your sister is an idiot!

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