Name is ironic as strop is with hubby.
By way of background, we have very different approaches to Christmas. It has always been a very special time in my family where we spend lots of time together and take great care choosing gifts for each other that we know will be appreciated. We don't always spend a lot, but gifts are very much tailored to the recipient. Hubby's family is the opposite, they don't care either what they receive or give. They spend little or no time choosing (they are Christmas Eve shoppers at best) and don't really like to spend any time with each other at any time of year. To each his own.
The difficulty comes because, despite knowing how much this time of year means to me, hubby continues to make zero effort. He doesn't have any involvement in choosing what the children receive - he doesn't even know what they would like to be honest - and he takes no pleasure in watching their obvious joy when they open something that they absolutely love. I always buy the presents for his siblings' kids because he wouldn't get round to it and it is not their fault they have a curmudgeonly uncle at this time of year (my sisters in law do the same for ours). Plus if I'm honest, I like the children and I want them to have something thoughtful. I have also taken to buying for his parents, taking my kids along, because I think it's good for the kids to choose gifts for Granny and Gramps and otherwise they would get tat gift-tagged from all of us and I would be embarrassed. So part selfish (don't want tat given in my name) and partly to ensure people get something thoughtful, or indeed something at all.
And so to the nub of the issue. We did presents to each other today as we have been away with family for Christmas and didn't take them with us. Every year since we have been together, hubby has bought me pyjamas and warm socks for Christmas, with a few bits of non-tailored, emergency-Christmas-Eve-purchased-tat to bulk it out. Don't get me wrong, I like a nice pair of PJs and warm socks when the weather necessitates, but am I being unreasonable in thinking that this is fucking irritating year on year on year? The first few years I bore it reasonably maturely, put a smile on and breezed through it (and bought myself a dress in the sales). In the last few years I have made it clear that I would appreciate some more thought putting into a gift if he is going to buy one, and even suggested he thinks about what I or other people might actually want before Christmas Eve arrives. Last year I had a full on strop on Christmas Day evening (after the kids were in bed, Oscar-worthy performance til then) because he made me spend Christmas day with just him and the kids (he doesn't do family as I said, so I obliged, agreeing to put my family off til Boxing Day) and yet still got given, you guessed it, socks and pyjamas. This doubly pissed me off because I had kept myself away from my family at his request, bought all the bloody presents and spent all day in the kitchen cooking Christmas dinner with what I felt was no thoughtfulness in return.
I always get him some gifts I know he would like or which show some personal thought. Some might cost a bit but others are cheap yet tailored to him. This year I also spent an afternoon with my children making him a gift, from them, which they loved giving him. They are little and don't have their own money but loved spending time and energy making something special for him. He genuinely enjoyed receiving that one.
This isn't about gifts really. We are very lucky, work hard and are financially well off. I am lucky enough to be able to buy things during the year if I want them, though neither of us is flash or materialistic so we don't actually spend huge amounts on material stuff. It's the fact that, after ten years, shit loads of hints, some less than enthusiastic receptions (to the warm socks), a few tears and one massive strop (2 if you count this year), I find myself in the situation of receiving the same gifts yet again. I have never once had a thoughtful present from him. Plus I just don't think you buy warm socks for someone you want to have sex with.
I am genuinely upset by this and feel he is being thoughtless and selfish. I am proper stropping and haven't gone out tonight to friends (his) as I'm just so pissed off and couldn't jog myself out of it (he went alone). Over many years, the issue has grown from a minor and predictable annual disappointment to something which feels bigger to me and seems more reflective of how I feel he views me and our relationship. If he made up for it with gestures of love and appreciation at other times of the year and in other ways, I wouldn't give a shit, but he doesn't, so I do.
AIBU?