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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if someone is driving somewhere do you give them petrol money?

48 replies

kittypaws · 28/12/2015 20:13

my friend invited me to lakeside shopping mall tomorrow, we live in north london and i said i'l come, she is driving. Do i give her petrol money since i'm coming along?
I was thinking of maybe buying lunch but its her and her dd.
What do you do in these types of situations?

OP posts:

annielouise · 29/12/2015 00:10

I wouldn't offer petrol money as you're going out together as friends but I would buy coffee and sandwich/cake which will probably add up to around your share. You're friends, friends go out for the day together. She doesn't need half the cost. Sometimes one friend will pay more than the other but it should even out.

I'd feel awkward if a friend was always offering me petrol money when we went out. It would be like if the shoe was on the other foot she'd be expecting me to offer it as if my paying my share of petrol was important. I don't like friendships based on a constant watching of money down to the last penny. I want equality in costs but it doesn't have to be exact.

Doobigetta · 29/12/2015 00:21

It isn't something I've thought about for years, and I wouldn't unless it was a long enough journey to use a whole tank of petrol. I'd also be quite surprised if someone offered me petrol money if I was driving, and definitely wouldn't accept it. A bit odd in adults past their mid-20s, I'd say. Like offering to pay for the food when someone invited you round to dinner.

PouncerDarling · 29/12/2015 00:28

No way. Petrol costs are relatively tiny unless you are travelling 50 miles or more. I wouldn't expect to be offered nor would offer for a journey under that distance. Even the least economical car is only going to take about a tenner to go 50 miles.

PouncerDarling · 29/12/2015 00:30

Would be more like £10-£12 per 100 miles in most cars. Definitely not worth offering to cover.

FlatOnTheHill · 29/12/2015 00:33

She invited you along. Why offer petrol money. You never asked for a lift there.

BackforGood · 29/12/2015 00:55

Agree with everyone else - you only offer to pay petrol if you are going to the other end of the country. It's usual for the passenger to leap out and insist on paying for the parking.

whois · 29/12/2015 01:32

I always offer as a passenger, and as a driver I refuse on short journeys or ones with people where it evens out. With lift share type situations eh driving 3 other people to Devon for a hen do - then I set out clearly at the organising stage how much in petrol it will be each.

Enjolrass · 29/12/2015 07:04

Spends on the situation. If I was going with mum and dad I wouldn't. I would prob try and buy a coffee or something, which they would refuse.

But then I drive them places.

If it's someone who I see a lot a driving is roughly shared out I wouldn't. Unless it was a long journey.

In your situation (assuming you don't drive her places sometimes) I would buy a coffee or something. Not lunch for all three of you. Unless lunch is a Macdonalds.

Wheretheresawill1 · 29/12/2015 07:12

I always end up driving and always end up paying for fuel - really hacks me off now- particularly as the same 2 friends expect me to provide transport for free

onecurrantbun1 · 29/12/2015 09:08

I have a friend who just assumes I'll drive which is annoying. We once went over 200 miles (400 miles round trip) to her hometown for a hen do and she didn't so much as buy me a coffee in McDonalds. That grated to say the least! However for normal day trips, etc when I'd be going anyway, usually just a coffee or to pay the parking is plenty, and much appreciated.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 29/12/2015 09:10

I sometimes go out with a friend. We've tacitly agreed that I pay for petrol, she buys coffee and cake.

My neighbour sometimes drives me somewhere if our car is unavailable. He refuses petrol money but is always happy with homemade jam.

I think the thing to do is offer and go from there.

Krampus · 29/12/2015 09:13

I wouldn't expect payment for a one off short journey to somewhere I was going anyway. I wouldn't accept coffee either as that would be more expensive than the petrol.

LIZS · 29/12/2015 09:15

Isn't parking there free? Pay for coffee/lunch.

thelouise · 29/12/2015 10:48

It depends on if you drive or not and your friendship and the context. In your case, I'd offer a coffee and cake but not petrol money. One friend I see often and we share the driving equally, so it all works out. Another friend doesn't drive, so I am often going out of my way to collect her etc and she will offer to buy me a drink or cake. I wouldn't expect it though, especially not if I offered. The other day I wanted to see the something at the cinema and she wasn't fussed but agreed to come, so obviously I collected her and wouldn't dream of letting her pay for something for me.

Orda1 · 29/12/2015 10:54

Yes of course.

BertrandRussell · 29/12/2015 10:59

Well unless you're driving from Manchester there's no need to pay for lunch!

Coffee and cake possibly.

Offer, but don't insist. She's going there anyway-it's no big deal.

lighteningirl · 29/12/2015 11:06

I would pay for coffee I had a df who loved shopping but hated driving we'd go to Bluewater in my car and she never offered to pay for anything and would drink wine at lunchtime knowing I was driving and couldn't and expect me to pay half for lunch. It's about 100 miles round trip now I go with another friend we alternate drving/lunch paying I just can't get one with meanness whether intentional or not it grates.

LarrytheCucumber · 29/12/2015 11:06

Always offer. She is unlikely to accept, but it is a nice gesture and shows you appreciate the lift. My friends usually offer to pay for my coffee if I drive, which I would accept.
I have another friend who I go out to lunch with regularly and every now and again I pay for her lunch because she usually drives.

AuntieStella · 29/12/2015 11:14

I would offer something. If it's a short journey, probably to pay for the parking rather than petrol money. Plus coffee on me.

Solina · 29/12/2015 11:23

If I am asked to go with I wouldnt offer as they were going to go anyways. However I often offer to pay for coffee/lunch etc.

I dont think me and my friends have done the offering petrol money since we were students and we always seem to take turns anyways.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 29/12/2015 11:37

My friend and I are the only two drivers in a group a friends. We always get offered petrol money even if it's a short trip or we were going anyway. I think I live near you, OP and lakeside is def one of those times when money/lunch is offered as there's no other reasonable way to get there without a car.

BertrandRussell · 29/12/2015 11:39

"lakeside is def one of those times when money/lunch is offered as there's no other reasonable way to get there without a car."

Don't understand this- why would the accessibility make a difference?

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 29/12/2015 16:11

Because there is no other feasible way to get there, if she can't drive, she can't go. It takes 2 hrs each way (only 30 mins to drive) and would cost god knows how much on public transport. It's 3 train journeys just to get there. Is that not worth a £2.50 coffee?

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