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AIBU?

To cancel new year's eve?

82 replies

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 08:20

Obviously not to cancel new year's eve full stop, I can't exactly control time, but just to cancel our plans even though it will inconvenience others?

Our original new year's plan was to have a couple of friends over for a takeaway and a few games of Cards Against Humanity after DD goes to bed. A friend told us she had nowhere to go for new year and invited herself to stay with us. In a moment of stupidity we said sure, I didn't like the thought of anyone being alone etc.

I've made previous whiny threads and the basic gist is that as well as some kind of injury to my leg making me want to lounge in my PJs all day (I can do this with the friends we had coming over but not the one who's invited herself) as well as anxiety etc and now I don't want the friend who invited herself to come, and I would still like my other friends to come over but I know that wouldn't really be fair but they live five minutes away and wouldn't be staying, unlike this other friend who is travelling a few hours and will be staying overnight. So I have to cancel new year plans altogether really, but WIBU to do that when she has made plans to travel up to us?

Sorry I don't know if any of this makes sense, I've been up since 5am stressing about it :(

OP posts:

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Whocansay · 28/12/2015 09:56

Well if she want's a 'chill' evening, there's nothing more 'chill' than pjs, surely? I don't understand why you feel you have to change all your plans for someone you don' really know.

As people have already said, she invited herself over and can fit in with you plans. And she doesn't have to stay over.

She asked your DP and not you - why isn't he dealing with this if it is a problem? And are you saying he can't sleep in his own bed if she stays? If so, that's an easy out for you!

I think you're over complicating things. Get DP to deal with her and have a lovely time.

Bunbaker · 28/12/2015 10:02

"Tell her not to come"

No, don't do that. I think that would be a really mean thing to do.

specialsubject · 28/12/2015 10:21

OP has a flare-up of her illness. Just because it is a mental illness doesn't make it any less debilitating.

call the friend and explain why you can't have her to stay, apologise, and hope for another time. If she doesn't understand she's no friend.

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 10:22

After reading the responses I really don't want to tell her not to come. I think it's more about coping strategies now. I'm sure she'll be a polite guest and will go along with what we're doing, I just don't want to seem rude to her (last time we saw her she kept asking DP if I didn't like her because I was quiet). Having my friends there should help but now I'm anxious that they won't get on or they'll feel awkward :(

OP posts:

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 10:36

DP has spoken to his friend. She loves cards against humanity so there's one worry gone :) my friends are lovely so fingers crossed everyone will get on :)

OP posts:

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 28/12/2015 10:43

Yay! See? I'm sure it will all be fine! Have a lovely, relaxed evening. Better than I can say for myself, as it will include 3 DCs under the age of 9 whom we've promised can stay up til after midnight.

Bunbaker · 28/12/2015 11:20

Great. One hurdle dealt with. You just need to let her now about the dress code.

rookiemere · 28/12/2015 13:03

I think it's important that your DP also gets to invite his friends to NYE otherwise it all gets a bit one sided, so I'm glad you got it sorted.

Pigeonpost · 28/12/2015 13:13

Just cancel. It's your house! Mo obligation for you to host people if you don't want to and it isn't too short notice at all. I don't get the not wanting to be alone on NYE thing.

Funinthesun15 · 28/12/2015 13:16

Just cancel. It's your house! Mo obligation for you to host people if you don't want to and it isn't too short notice at all. I don't get the not wanting to be alone on NYE thing.

It is also OPs DP house.

I learnt when dealing with my anxiety that not everything can or has to be changed. It is unfair to my DH and to OP DP.

dublingirl48653 · 28/12/2015 13:24

maybe just go ahead with plans - grin and bear it

cancelling may cause too much hassle

clippityclop · 28/12/2015 13:33

Great stuff. I think if you'd cancelled the uninvited guest you'd start worrying that she'll find out, or if she'd talk to your DP about it and set off another round of anxiety! Trust your other friends to be friendly and sociable, decent folk which I'm sure they are, slap a smile on your face and think positive. They'll get on like a house on fire, and if they don't it's their own problem not yours. Set the mood, choose to have a good time. Pjs for the day after. Sparkly top and yoga pants?

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 14:10

Yeah I think cosy festive jumper and jeggings are in order :) thanks all

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 28/12/2015 14:17

"I don't get the not wanting to be alone on NYE thing."

But not everybody is you, not least the friend who has invited herself.

My problem with NYE is that everyone I know is seeing the new year in with friends and or family and we don't, and I kind of feel left out. OH doesn't care and would quite happily go to bed at ten o'clock.

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 14:30

I also know she's quite shy, so to have invited herself, she must be feeling pretty low about spending NYE alone. The more I think about it the more I know we'll be fine :)

OP posts:

icandothis64 · 28/12/2015 14:44

Sometime you just have to say horse things out loud (or here) to gain perspective. Well done for working through it. Happy new year. By the way. What is it about cards against humanity? I just can't see attraction. What am I missing?

Bunbaker · 28/12/2015 14:45

That's great Jorah. I'm sure you'll have a lovely evening.

voodoolooloo · 28/12/2015 17:09

Glad I came back for an update. Sounds like it will be a nice evening Enjoy

Laquitar · 28/12/2015 18:10

OP i see that you are going ahead and she likes the game so have a great time.

Can i just add -as another pj lover-
the best 10 pounds i have spent was buying 2 harlem trousers!

hibbleddible · 28/12/2015 18:23

I don't understand the angst about the pjs. Your posts aren't very clear tbh.

I would either still wear pjs (you are in your home, I doubt your friends would care) or wear some jogging bottoms and a t shirt.

It would be a bit mean to cancel plans with so little notice on nye.

WaitingForSnow · 28/12/2015 18:39

/hijack...did you know there is a secret card inside the cards against humanity box that gives an answer to every single card. As in, the answer it gives fits every question..

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 19:15

hibble it's sorted now. I didn't think I'd feel comfortable in PJs but I don't have many cosy non-PJ clothes.

Waiting I want to find it but I don't want to cut into the lid of the box!

OP posts:

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jorahmormont · 29/12/2015 21:49

Oh FFS. Just when I thought it was sorted.

I've got a D&V thing going on. Can't tell if it's a bug or reaction to the painkillers (I have been having other bad reactions to them). DP and DD haven't come down with anything - obviously doing all the hygeine things necessary and pretty much quarantined myself from them today. If they're still healthy tomorrow do we go ahead with it? If they get sick tomorrow do we cancel even though she'd still end up with nowhere to go? I don't want anyone to get sick but I don't want to cancel and leave someone with nowhere on NYE if this is just me having a bad reaction!

It's our first time ever hosting anything, can you tell? Sorry to be so pathetic and rubbish and asking all these questions - I have no idea what the ettiquette would be here.

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wannabestressfree · 29/12/2015 21:52

If its d&v I would cancel. If she is sensible she won't want to come anyway.

Bunbaker · 29/12/2015 21:53

You can't make any decisions yet. See how you feel tomorrow. If anyone else is ill tomorrow you need to tell everyone you have invited. I would rather spend NYE on my own than with people who have D & V.

I hope you feel better soon.

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