To cancel new year's eve?

[jorahmormont]

Obviously not to cancel new year's eve full stop, I can't exactly control time, but just to cancel our plans even though it will inconvenience others?

Our original new year's plan was to have a couple of friends over for a takeaway and a few games of Cards Against Humanity after DD goes to bed. A friend told us she had nowhere to go for new year and invited herself to stay with us. In a moment of stupidity we said sure, I didn't like the thought of anyone being alone etc.

I've made previous whiny threads and the basic gist is that as well as some kind of injury to my leg making me want to lounge in my PJs all day (I can do this with the friends we had coming over but not the one who's invited herself) as well as anxiety etc and now I don't want the friend who invited herself to come, and I would still like my other friends to come over but I know that wouldn't really be fair but they live five minutes away and wouldn't be staying, unlike this other friend who is travelling a few hours and will be staying overnight. So I have to cancel new year plans altogether really, but WIBU to do that when she has made plans to travel up to us?

Sorry I don't know if any of this makes sense, I've been up since 5am stressing about it :(

[MillionToOneChances]

You can still have your original guests over. She invited herself to join an existing plan, not to replace it. And as for having to go to bed when she wants to, the opposite is true. Perhaps text or phone her to make sure she realises that, as she'd be sleeping in the lounge, bed before midnight would be impossible. If that doesn't suit her then it won't be possible for her to stay.

As for your nightmares, could you retreat to the bathroom if you have a houseguest?

[SagaNorensLeatherTrousers]

Yes jorah I think speaking to her would be a good idea as Truffle suggests. She has a few days yet to make other plans and you could just be honest and say "actually my leg is really not great, I'm probably going to stay in my pj's and we do plan to stay up pretty late. If that's ok with you, then you're more than welcome." And go from there.

[voodoolooloo]

Anxiety is the pits. You have my sympathies on it.

Why would your friend object to you wearing pjs? If I makes her feel uncomfortable that's her problem. Wear them regardless. I doubt she would mention it.

The bedtime thing is odd ( on her behalf). If she wasn't bothered about staying up for NYE she should stay at home.
You're having a party. Make this clear to her beforehand. Put the onus on her to cancel if she doesn't want to celebrate/go to bed at 9pm!
A quick text reminding her that other friends are coming over and a mention of the fun you're looking forward to should do it.
If your leg really is so sore that you can't host a party then it's only fair to cancel it for all invited.

[SagaNorensLeatherTrousers]

As have I first many years, however sometimes you do need to be told that what you are thinking is unfair and unreasonable.

There's a difference between telling the OP she's being U vs. saying "hope she has more loyal friends" and "glad you're not my friend" type things.

[jorahmormont]

When she asked DP, she asked for a "chill evening" and then to stay over. DP told her we had friends coming and she said "that's fine". Anxiety/catastrophosisng (can't spell that to save my life) is what's made me think that by "chill evening" and knowing that she likes early nights, she wants to go to bed early.

And yeah I'm sure there are lots of people glad they're not my friend. Trust me I know.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

If she's more your dps friend I'd get him to phone her and say along the lines "looking forward to seeing you on New Years eve, but just a couple of things. Jorah has hurt her leg so we are aiming for a very relaxed evenjng - very comfortable clothes and a takeaway. Our friends x and x will also be with us, and we are planning to see the new year in so it may be a late night" And see what she says to that. She can't complain about anything if she kniws what the plan is.

And don't forget she has asked to spend it with you. Presumably she is fond of you and wants to see you.

[Shirkingfromhome]

Sorry to hear you have problems with anxiety Jorah, you're right you can't fix it overnight but have you considered that your friend might be 'on form' (and very grateful for inviting her to your NYE get together)? You could end up having a brilliant night. Try and think positive. Plus if you won't have to do any running around with your bad leg, win-win

[oldmum22]

Why don't you tell everyone it is a PJ party? All guests can then wear PJs without anyone feeling odd or left out and it obviously helps you out too. Just let it be known to her ,that you all plan on seeing the New Year in, and that it might be a 2 or 3am finish. Would that make it easier for you?

[oldmum22]

Whoops ,see I have x-posted with TTAT01

[jorahmormont]

Also slightly nervous about introducing her to Cards Against Humanity... I'm not sure she'd enjoy it (or even enjoy being around while we're playing it) but other friends are really really looking forwards to it... but I suppose if we tidy make the bedroom available to her throughout the evening, it gives her an escape if she doesn't like it?

[Bunbaker]

I apologise for my comment. I am projecting because yet again new year will be an anti climax. Everyone we had invited round has had a better offer so it will be me DH, DD and DD's best friend. DD, her friend and I will play Carcassonne, charades and cards against humanity while OH disappears into his office or upstairs because he hates games of any kind and hates joining in anything. Sigh.
Apologies again.

[ClashCityRocker]

I'm sure that, knowing you've got friends over, on New Years eve she isn't expecting to be in bed by 10pm.

Can you get dh, as it seems to be more 'his' friend to message her and say 'you're welcome to stop, but we will be staying up late and jorah will most likely be in her pjs'...

its a bit short notice to cancel for your other friends.

[ginmakesitallok]

Jorah, I can't help with the nye issue but can empathise with the knee problem! I've dine mine twice, dd has done hers twice too - including an ambulance trip to get it reduced.

Have you had it x rayed? Can you bend it? It will be very swollen for a while. Have you been referred for physio?

[DoreenLethal]

Can you get your partner to contact her with more details? 'Jorah has hurty leg so will be in pjs, planning on staying up playing cards against humanity game and bed around 1am ish. If that is your bag then feel free to still come over'.

[CantSleepClownsWillEatMe]

In the nicest possible way I think you're over thinking this guests anticipated views/reactions to your planned evening Op. Given she asked to be included and said she had no other plans it seems unlikely she'd be cheeky enough to attempt to overrule the existing plans, let alone dictate when everyone else goes to bed surely? I mean I know we read of some odd stuff on MN but in real life do people carry on like that?

If it will help send a group text along the lines of "looking forward to seeing you all, have games ready to go and FYI come casual as I will be modelling my bestest Jim-jams". Then if she decides it's not to her taste she can politely opt out.

[jorahmormont]

Sorry to hear that Bunbaker :( this is the first year we've had anyone over for new years and I realise we're very lucky to have company

[MakeItRain]

Oh I think given she invited herself and wouldn't like the evening you planned to the extent of making it uncomfortable for everyone (not liking the game/ dress code/ wanting to go to bed early in the room you're all in) then I would tell a little white lie and say you're not well/leg playing up and will catch up in the new year. Then either go ahead with your original plans or cancel the others too, depending on how you feel about that.

[theycallmemellojello]

Yabu I reckon. I don't get why you can't wear pyjamas or talk to your other friends just because this one friend is there. Anyway it would be really harsh to cancel this last minute, when she doesn't really have a chance to make alternative plans.

[BeanGirls]

In the kindest way possible, you're over thinking it. That's exactly what I tend to do too. I'd message the friend that's due to stay over saying that you're looking forward to bringing in the new year with her and just to let her know that friends a and b are also coming.

This let's her know that you're planning g on staying up to ring in the new year and that there are other friends coming. It will be clear yo her that she won't be going to bed early abd might not be as chilled as sge thought. If she doesn't like the sound of that she may well cancel herself.

[jorahmormont]

gin I had it x-rayed on the 23rd. Got a call from GP on Christmas eve asking me to call ASAP to discuss it but by the time I got the call, the surgery had closed! They re-open tomorrow so I need to call up. I've subluxated the knee loads of times but never to this extent, the swelling and pain really took me by surprise. I was on naproxen but it made me feel so rubbish I had to stop. Yep been referred to physio - I had it for about a year and a half and then stopped because I thought I was doing well - clearly not so back to the hypermobility physio soon.

Thank you everyone for giving me a bit of perspective and a few coping strategies :)

[catsrus]

Tell her what you will be playing - and to google it to see if it would be something she would enjoy. I just did and if I were her I would cancel plans to come - I'd hate it. Problem solvedif that was the case. Don't change your plans for her, she has to fit in around them.

[kungpopanda]

Tell her not to come. but do it now, this morning, before 11am UK time.
Gives the woman more time to make alternative arrangements.

[icandothis64]

Can you not say. Just wanted to let you know what we are planning for NYE as it may not be your cup of tea and don't want to ruin the evening for you? X is coming over but really I am convalescing so I will still be in my pyjamas and we are playing games etc. Not sure you will enjoy it. I know you like an early night but given its NYE we won't be going to bed early.

Would love to see you but maybe you might prefer to come another day (NYD?) when we can have a proper catch up?

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Set out the expectations in advance. Contact her today and say 'just to be clear, you will need to sleep in the living room, just wanted to check you will be ok with this as we won't go to bed until at least 1.. And we had this game to play, it's a bit out there! Hope you will find it fun :)'
Don't imply that any of these things are up for being altered, make it clear the type of night you are having and she can choose to join or not.

[rookiemere]

Agree with ican and like the phrasing.
I understand your anxiety disorder and clearly the right thing would have been to say no at the onset to your friend, uninviting her at this point is unkind.
However telling her the format of the evening,suggesting that she temporarily crashes in your bedroom until you finish up and advising that you will be in pjs are all fine to do and if she decides its not for her then that is her decision.

Re the suggestion of her staying in a hotel, I'd quickly check how much that would cost - might be very pricey on NYE, so I wouldn't suggest that to her unless it's a realistic option.