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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be using all my self-restraint not to comment

57 replies

MsColouring · 27/12/2015 23:59

Fb related I'm afraid.

Getting married tomorrow. Dp's family are rubbish - only his dad and two uncles are coming - his two sisters aren't. They would need to travel and it's Christmas. But his sister has put all over fb what a great Christmas they have had staying with their aunt. It is taking all my self- restraint to stop myself from commenting on the fact their aunt won't be having a rest because she us actually coming to our wedding which they can't be bothered with. I have had a drink or two so really having to hold myself back.

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/12/2015 08:16

Yabu
Your comment on Facebook would look weird, passive aggressive and out of place and it's entirely your fault for choosing a date that would be really inconvenient for loads of people. You must have been prepared for some invitees not being able or willing to come?

Baressentials · 28/12/2015 08:17

Happy anniversary for tomorrow LaContessa Flowers Wine

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2015 08:23

Unless they had to travel some considerable distance then I think it's a bit odd that sisters don't want to attend their brother's wedding???

I'd be a bit put out too.

Ignore them and have fun on your big day! Flowers

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 28/12/2015 08:29

we chose a date that suited us

well that's part of the problem. If you want everyone to come you need to pick a date that isn't awkward, especially if there is long distance travel involved. Weddings around Christmas or other peak holiday times are always going to be tricky.

Is there more to this? How much distance is involved? Were they told they couldn't bring their children? Would they have been expected to pay for hotels etc?

HermioneWeasley · 28/12/2015 08:33

Well, unless they work in jobs which would mean they couldn't get the time off, it's pretty out of order not to attend your brother's wedding.

I mean I know it's an invite not a summons blah blah, but it's pretty poor form not to attend your brother's wedding?

How many on here defending would actually not go to their sibling's wedding? Who would not actually want to be there to celebrate with them, no matter how inconvenient?

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 28/12/2015 08:34

Also, you say some of our friends have gone to great efforts to be there. What sort of efforts? To be perfectly honest I am not overly fond of invitations that require a 'great effort' or huge distance or big expense to me. Your friends are your friends so of course they will do it, possibly because it seems rude and awkward to refuse, but some of them might be muttering under their breath a bit if they've been expected to trek miles away from where you all live, on one of the busiest weeks of the year.

We need more info. Have a lovely day though. x Grin

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 28/12/2015 08:37

HermioneWeasley Precisely what I was thinking! I would find it very, very strange that people would skip their own siblings wedding unless they weren't actually on speaking terms.

Agree it's an awkward time of year for many and could understand if some friends or relatives simply couldn't attend but your actual family? Odd.

vestandknickers · 28/12/2015 08:37

You say you picked the date to suit you. Maybe you upset them by not consulting them first. I'd make sure immediate family could attend before setting a date. If you didn't do that you cant really be offended when they aren't there.

I don't understand how them having a great Christmas has anything at all to do with your wedding.

Have a lovely day. Hopefully you've got better things to be doing today than reading this!

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 28/12/2015 08:38

Hermione I know what you mean, but it really does depend on the individual circumstances, budget., etc.

If I lived 200 miles away from a close friend or relative of course I'd travel the 200 miles for their wedding but if I lived in the next street and they decided they wanted me to travel to say Thailand at the most expensive time of year for flights for their wedding, just BECAUSE, then I'd be a bit peeved, especially as I have no particular desire to go to Thailand.

It all depends.

KitKat1985 · 28/12/2015 08:56

I'm sorry but I don't really think your soon-to-be SIL's can be slated for saying on Facebook that they had a nice Christmas with their Aunt. I completely get that you are a bit hurt that they can't make the wedding, but this is an awkward time of year (many people are away, many people in retail / hospitality aren't allowed to take annual leave in December etc), so I think you are being a bit harsh. Regardless the most important thing now is that you enjoy your day today, regardless of who can and can't make it.

Headofthehive55 · 28/12/2015 08:57

hermione it really depends on what else you have on.
We were invited to a family wedding yesterday. We didn't go, no childcare and DH needed to work.

It has resulted in my parents not being able to visit us around Christmas time on a day when we are both not working as they went to the wedding.

my point it it has knock on effects.

We went to a wedding last year at a similar time. That ended up being our only family time together for Christmas.

Alicewasinwonderland · 28/12/2015 09:07

Are you upset because they had a nice Christmas? Were they supposed to have a horrible time or cancel Christmas as a punishment for not going to your wedding?

throwingpebbles · 28/12/2015 09:09

When I got married we both checked with our siblings and parents to make sure the date was ok.

And I normally work between Christmas and new year, as do many others

FishWithABicycle · 28/12/2015 09:15

Yabu to have any resentment whatsoever about anyone who doesn't want their Christmas holiday to be punctuated by your wedding. People who choose not to come are not being rubbish. They are making their own choices just like you made your choice to have your wedding at this time of year.

BeanGirls · 28/12/2015 09:18

Just because they aren't coming to your wedding, doesn't mean they can't enjoy Christmas. Yabu!

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 28/12/2015 09:19

Only on MN AIBU are people so stubbornly intent on seeing it totally from the other side and criticising the OP. The smallest detail is jumped on, twisted around and made it into something new. I suppose it's a legitimate excuse to be aggressive and argumentative. After all, the OP did ask! Grin

Of course most sisters in most families would travel to their brother's wedding whatever the date and even if it's a massive pain in the bum and totally inconvenient. Clearly there is more going on. Perhaps there's history. Maybe they don't like you. They could just be unpleasant.

My advice is to come off Facebook. It is a hotbed of boasting, coded messages, attacks, herd mentality, hurt and disappointment; a platform for playground antics that no adult should be indulging in. I loathe it.

And enjoy your day with the people who want to be there.

Alicewasinwonderland · 28/12/2015 09:26

MagicalMrsMistoffelees

On the contrary, most people grit their teeth in real life, but can be brutally honest on an anonymous forum. This is one of the few places where people actually write what they really think.

tiredvommachine · 28/12/2015 09:35

Enjoy your wedding day OP Flowers

Tiggeryoubastard · 28/12/2015 09:37

Op sounds quite unpleasant and antagonistic to these women. Maybe the bad timing of the wedding isn't the only reason they're not going. Can't say I'd blame them.

icandothis64 · 28/12/2015 09:38

Good luck today.

MrsDeVere · 28/12/2015 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helloitsme90 · 28/12/2015 09:57

Monday is now a bank hol (I think) due to Boxing Day being on a Saturday.
I can't understand why people think the OP is BU? It's her fiancés sisters and they can't be bothered to come? Summer is a tricky time too due to the vast amount of weddings and school holidays etc. Basically there is never a right time and if my OH sister hadn't made our wedding, serious questions would have been asked. Xmas is a busy time yes but you go that extra mile for family. I think it's strange and no you're NBU

BlueJug · 28/12/2015 10:04

There is no way I'd go to a wedding today/tomorrow. Christmas/New Year/Bank Holiday travel/ other family commitments/ crowded shops / other stuff to buy and sort out/cold/wet/weather problems/ high prices in hotels etc etc.

I would actually assume that you had done that because you didn't want people to come - just like these people who get married 1000s of miles away.

You chose it to suit you. Have a wonderful day. And don't spoil it with a resentment.

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 28/12/2015 10:08

Hermione yes I would move mountains to attend my brother's wedding but we are very close. He probably wouldn't have chosen a date that really wouldn't have suited me for that reason. Same when I married my DH - if my brother couldn't have made a date I would have moved it tbh. Not saying anyone else should be the same but you did ask.

Bunbaker · 28/12/2015 10:13

I would make time for a wedding at this time of year, but we don't have lots of family commitments. A sibling's wedding is a family commitment though isn't it?

I think it's a bit off that the sisters don't want to come, but I would try and forget it and enjoy your day.

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