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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think charity gifts just don't achieve what they set out to and are inappropriate as children's gifts

47 replies

thinkingmakesitso · 27/12/2015 19:35

OK, I know this hasd been done before but I need to offload somewhere. Stbex df had got into the habit of giving oxfam goat gifts to the DC. He has them sent to the house where I live with the DC. Stbex spent the big day here so I had to endure him opening them with the DC and reading the message about what they're for in a ridiculous Ott voice. The DC listened politely then got back to their toys. It was pointless. I achieve more by talking to the DC regularly about the news and local charities, involving them with donations to food banks and discussing history etc

If a grown, and realatively wealthy, man wants to do charity at Christmas he should not do it through children. Aibu?

OP posts:

splendide · 28/12/2015 07:35

DH and I "buy" each other a couple of Shelter Christmas dinners but I agree it's a bit rubbish to do it off the bat. Having said that my grandfather once got all his grandchildren charity gifts one year and I don't remember being at all upset or bothered. I think I was about 11.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 28/12/2015 07:41

I think if you want to give to charities at Christmas then you should inform everyone in advance that you will not being sending cards/buying presents this year but you will be making a large donation to the charity instead. That way you are giving your money, not someone elses. And everone else has the choice then, whether you buy for you or not.

Frankly, the amount of money that gets wasted on pointless tat that no-one really wants or needs at Christmas it would be good if the adults all agreed to make a donation of say £100 each to a charity of their choice and all show evidence of this to the others at present unwrapping time, and just buy gifts for the children.

Sirzy · 28/12/2015 07:47

I think for some adults they are a great idea but I can't think of many children who would appreciate that or be pleased to get it on Chrismtas day.

On Christmas Eve Ds was very happy to be able to go to the shop and put together a bag of food for the food bank so other children could have food at Christmas but I wouldn't have expected him to sacrifice his own presents for a charity!

MidniteScribbler · 28/12/2015 07:48

I got one of those donations to a charity instead of a Secret Santa gift this year through work. Except it is a charity that the giver is obnoxious about getting in our face for passionate about, and one that I am equally passionate about hating. I have been vocal about my dislike of this charity in the past (for genuine reasons, due to personal experience), so there is no way she didn't know my feelings. So instead of a gift for me, she essentially gave a gift for herself and expected me to feel all warm and fuzzy about it.

Unless the recipient has actually said 'I'd rather you donate to x charity for me', then you are gifting to make yourself feel good, not the recipient.

OwlinaTree · 28/12/2015 08:03

disappointedone being nosey but why bother with stockings if no FC?

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 28/12/2015 08:05

I didn't think you 'did' father Christmas disappointedone?

This has no relevance to her post or the thread, presumably you just wanted to have a swipe at her for some reason?

carolinemoon · 28/12/2015 08:11

We don't do FC but do stockings. What's the point? It's fun for the kids, and gives them something to open as soon as they're awake. The magic of a stocking is what's inside it, not the belief that a man in a red suit snuck in and put it there.

OwlinaTree · 28/12/2015 08:18

Sorry, sorry, just asking, not having a swipe. This is a discussion forum, I am discussing. V interesting that people do non FC stocking.

splendide · 28/12/2015 08:47

Most people do stockings long after the kids don't believe don't they? I had a stocking till I was in my 20s!

Blu · 28/12/2015 09:20

Charity donations are best when asked for, or decided by the recipient.

To make the choice on behalf of someone you give a gift to, to say 'I have made the decision to give your gift to charity on your behalf ' is smug and presumptive.

DisappointedOne · 28/12/2015 09:25

I'm 38 and this is the first year my mother hasn't done me a stocking full of utter crap. I've been begging her to stop for about 20 years!

All of DD's presents go in her stocking and follow the want/need/wear/read rhyme (plus a few little bits and chocolate, tangerine etc). She's never been told that FC puts it on her bed. At the moment she's decided that we must buy them and then her toys wake up while she's asleep (a la Toy Story) and put it on her bed. She's utterly thrilled with the arrangement each year so far.

80sMum · 28/12/2015 09:26

I absolutely ABHOR those so-called charity 'gifts'! They go against all the' rules 'of charitable giving imo.
I believe that charitable giving should be done anonymously and shouldn't be bragged or boasted about. It shouldn't be done on behalf of someone else, unless that person has explicitly requested it and has specified which charity.

One cannot make a charitable donation and then try to pass it off as a 'gift' for someone. That is not a gift! All that the 'giver' is saying is that they haven't bought the 'recipient' a present but decided instead to spend their money on something else (in this case, donations to charity). Well, that's absolutely fine, it's their money to do with as they wish - but it is completely unacceptable to make a big thing about having donated to charity, wave it around and brag about it - everyone is presumably supposed to be impressed and give the 'giver' a pat on the back?

And as for all the charity walks, charity bike rides, charity holidays etc, I have no problem at all with individuals wanting to take part in them and donate to the charities organising them, but I do have a problem when they ask other people to pay for them in the guise of a 'donation'. If you want to hike up Kilimanjaro, go ahead and just do it!

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 28/12/2015 09:46

I completely agree with your last paragraph 80sMum!

Those things really get my back up.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 28/12/2015 09:51

Especially as there is quite a cost involved to taking part in those things in the first place. Let's say it costs £1k for the climber to train then travel then compete in whatever it is, and they go around getting sponsorship from friends and family to the tune of £1k, they could have just paid the £1k themselves in the first place, but no, it's a chance to get a bit of glory for themselves and spend their money on doing something they clearly really wanted to do for a sense of personal achievement anyway, and they got to spend their money on that part, while being able to say 'I raised £1k by climbing Kilimanjaro - aren't I marvellous.'

DisappointedOne · 28/12/2015 10:42

DH used to force himself to run a half marathon every year. Until I worked out that it cost us around £600 for him to attend the event (travel, hotel, meals out etc) and he's usually raise about £300 for the charity concerned. He doesn't bother any more and we just give £450 a year to the charity instead.

Siwi · 28/12/2015 11:12

I get a goat every year which I don't mind because I don't have to dust it or dispose of it and it must keep em happy.
One year I got a really Georgia's looking oven. It looked like something out of an interiors magazine. I didn't have an oven at the time. Bit jel.
Crap for children.

frikadela01 · 28/12/2015 11:37

I agree what others have said about charities being very personal too. I once got an oxfam goat for Xmas from a friend despite her knowing how much I hate big charities like that.... when I give to charity I want to know my money is actually going to its intended place and not to maintaining a fancy London office and a ceo which is why I usually just donate to food banks since there's only one place the food can go. Needless to say the goat gift was not appreciated and only made her feel good.

SpecialistSnowflake · 28/12/2015 12:09

I read (maybe here, can't be arsed to look for a source today) that the goat gifts are worse than useless for the actual recipients too - that the goats use up family resources, that many of the recipient families can't even drink goat milk, and that if they kill the goat for food, they are excluded from any further aid.

SolidGoldBrass · 28/12/2015 12:13

The only advantage I can see in these charity gifts is the potential for magnificent acts of passive aggression. Got a self-righteous puritan in the family? Do a charity thing for the charity s/he hates! (Now wish I had remembered goats in time to 'advise' my poor FWB who was getting horribly stressed about 'having' to buy a gift for his racist granny...)

PlopTheBarn0wl · 28/12/2015 14:04

I say leave it, as the jokes and piss taking about how DF always bought them a bloody goat will provide much merriment when they are teens and adults. It will become one of those in-jokes siblings always have

TenTinyTadpoles · 28/12/2015 14:23

I got given a gift which was books for a school in Africa, I thought it was a lovely idea. Far better than a bottle of wine or box of chocolates which I would have register.

TenTinyTadpoles · 28/12/2015 14:24

Bloody hell what's with autocorrect today, ^regifted

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