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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Travel 4 weeks after c section

23 replies

Bumpylady · 27/12/2015 12:32

AIBU to not want to make a 200mile car journey 4 weeks after having a c-section? Going to a family party in Cornwall and once there (staying in hotel) will have to look after toddler and newborn. Apart from myself, worried about exposing unvaccinated newborn to lots of germs from extended family. It is just assumed I will go. AIBU to not want to??

OP posts:

Fourfifthsof · 27/12/2015 12:52

YANBU - if you don't want to go, don't go. I'm sure people will understand that you want to stay at home with a 4 week old baby and toddler rather than drive 200 miles after major abdominal surgery.

FWIW I was fine one week after my CS but I'm saying this to reassure you rather than to say you should go to the party.

ThursdayLastWeek · 27/12/2015 12:53

YANBU
send DH with toddler, gave a bit of quiet time at home with the baby

Mabelface · 27/12/2015 12:55

Hell, no! No chance and I also wouldn't want my tiny baby in a car seat for that long.

anniroc · 27/12/2015 12:56

Agree with Thursday.

DisappointedOne · 27/12/2015 12:57

I also wouldn't want my tiny baby in a car seat for that long.

I'm pretty sure they'd be able to break the journey up with stops, you know. We did 260 miles when DD was 6 weeks and stopped about 5 times (to feed, express, play etc). Took most of a day to do a journey that would normally take 4 hours but nobody suffered any long term damage!

lostinmiddlemarch · 27/12/2015 13:16

I wouldn't do this, no. And your baby will need to feed frequently so it may take you ages to get there.

There may be some tough nuts out there who bounce back very quickly, but you would have to really really want this and feel up to it at the time. You shouldn't be expected to go.

Clarella · 27/12/2015 13:26

No I wouldn't.

Everyone is very different cs recovery.

I wasn't great for a long time, especially as I didn't know that I had spd (si joint) made worse by section due to core loss. 3 years on long car journeys are very hard mainly as I didn't take enough care or was diagnosed correctly back then.

But everyone is an individual and it's very much up to you.

Out of my peers the majority have healed quickly, myself and another did not.

Clarella · 27/12/2015 13:28

To add, gentle walking and activity is good physio but good to follow prescribed physio advice too, work through the pain (I wish I had!)

Beth2511 · 27/12/2015 13:30

When my dd was 6 weeks old, and myself 6weeks post c section, i had to drive from Dorset to newcastle with baby in toe, my aunt was dying and she was beyond desperate to meet dd, as it is she passed the day after. Anyway, the journey itself was fine because dd was an easy new born. If your baby is colicky/bad in car seat i wouldnt do it but otherwise i would agree on the premise of the rest of the family do the lion share of the hard work once you arrive, make it clear you cant do both.

Booboostwo · 27/12/2015 13:32

It really depends. I flew two weeks after a CS but I have a very good recovery overall, quite a few women experience complications or just feel too tired. Personally I would not be up to socialising as I think nights with a newborn are hell and you need to spend the day recovering. On the other hand your family may be a great help, play with the toddler, get you cups of tea, etc. As for the germs are your family likely to have polio or diphtheria? I would suspect the worse thing doing the rounds would be the common cold and the baby should be fine if kept away from anyone who's coughing and sneezing.

antimatter · 27/12/2015 13:34

I wouldn't go. I had 2 cs's and kids are 23 months apart.

Send dh with the toddler.

Minibelle · 27/12/2015 13:34

Nope I wouldn't of done this. Didn't like having my newborns in the car seats for such long periods. Even if you have regular breaks it's still 3 hours or whatever in the car.

GabiSolis · 27/12/2015 14:04

When is the party? YANBU not to go, but maybe you should wait to see at the time because you may feel better than you think you will. Don't worry at all about the car seat thing as you can break the journey up as much as you want/need to.

If you decide you're not going, I would send DH with your eldest.

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 27/12/2015 14:09

We did drove 250 miles on holiday. Holiday was booked previously and baby arrived early. It was fine we didn't have any problems.

MoMoTy · 27/12/2015 14:11

Yanbu, 4 weeks and recovering I'm sure the last thing you want to do is that trip. Are people that stupid enough assuming you will go.

coconutpie · 27/12/2015 14:18

No way would I go. I didn't have a c section but I wouldn't have wanted to do a 200-mile trip 4 weeks post birth for myself and the baby. Babies that small shouldn't be in car seats for excessive periods. Also you will be sore and bleeding, and exhausted. Going to some family party will feel like hell when the time comes. Stay at home and enjoy your baby.

Bonkerz · 27/12/2015 14:19

I was driving (with gp consent) after 16 days after having DCs by c section.
I would book a travel lodge for night to split journey.

wonkylegs · 27/12/2015 14:28

Yanbu if you don't want to go but consider
Do you have to drive it?
Train / plane / hire car? If so can you break the trip up? If it's a family event will your help out.
I wouldn't worry too much about your newborn being exposed, your own toddler is probably going to be its biggest source of exposure to germs.
We went to a huge national conference for a week with our DS at 6wks following an emcs, we went by train (first class booked in advance was quite reasonable) we stayed in a hotel and it was fine, I was able to retreat back there when I or baby needed to but got fussed over the rest of the time (train staff, hotel staff and everyone at the conference). I was a little worried before hand how it would go but actually it was remarkably easy that early on.

wonkylegs · 27/12/2015 14:29

*will your family help out?

Original poster

Bumpylady · 27/12/2015 14:48

Thanks all, to clarify DP will be driving. It's his family's party, which in itself will be stressful/ not as relaxing as my family. Hadn't even thought of not letting a newborn sit in a car seat for that long - makes me even less keen to go. May just be hormones but if I stay at home, don't really want to be separated from toddler if dp takes her. Totally unreasonable??

OP posts:

Whatdoidohelp · 27/12/2015 14:56

I had a cs and no way was I got to sit for that long. Baby will need fed regularly and will need to get out of the seat every 60-90 minutes. 200 miles could easily take 5-6 hours. Add in a grouchy toddler and a bleeding mum who will likely still be peeing a lot. Not fun.

typetytypetypes · 27/12/2015 15:04

I use my 3yo and 1yo as good excuse not to attend things. 4 weeks post partum and you might be lucky enough to be invited into my home at the most!

Not unreasonable not to want toddler taken. I'm sure there's an argument in there somewhere, if you would have been looking after toddler there if you went then how likely is it that your DH would be keen to look after toddler for whole journey there and back and throughout party/visit?

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 27/12/2015 15:10

Reasonable has nothing to do with it. Particularly as it's other people's opinion. You don't need permission. If it's not right for you then say so.

I did such a journey 3 weeks post cs and it was a doddle. But I was physically fine and I wanted to go.

Just say no thank you and eat some cake. Don't worry about it at all. It's perfectly understandable and if they don't understand then you certainly don't need to worry as they're witless dingbats and beyond help.

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