To think you don't just invite your family to stay for months on end

[rookiemere]

Just back from Christmas with relatives - twas very nice.

Opened Christmas card from abroad from other relatives which says as part of general message "you might well be forced to give X room and board. She's determined to do some post-grad work in Yourtown ".

Back story is that X lives in a country that's a reasonable distance away. She came over to visit this summer en route to somewhere else. She's a nice young adult and we enjoyed showing her round our historical town, all very enjoyable for a short visit.

But I can't recall saying that she should move in ! There were a few things that weren't a big deal for a short visit. but would definitely grate after more than a week - very messy room (even by my standards) secret eater so lots of crumbs in the bedroom and all over the bed clothes, had quite strong opinions on lots of things.

I wouldn't be quite so outraged if Xs DM who wrote the card had extended much hospitality to us or indeed my parents when they made the long journey to their country - on each occasion we stayed in a nearby motel and they didn't seem to have much time to spend with us.

Hopefully the reality is that X would much prefer to be with her peers and closer to the centre. I'm more than happy for her to come for a short while to settle in, and have family days with her but we don't want or need a long term boarder.

AIBU in thinking WTAF and hoping she's joking?

"you might well be forced to give X room and board."

I can see this being a joke. Especially if the person had a job and settled life back home. But

"you might well be forced to give X room and board. She's determined to do some post-grad work in Yourtown."

Where's the joke? That she's never get into the program she's applying to?

They might be testing the water I'd just say you are sure she'll love studying in your town and you might see her occasionally. Don't offer neighbour's details unless they get back to you asking for lodging.

"you might well be forced to give X room and board. She's determined to do some post-grad work in Yourtown ".
Forced? What a very odd way to word it!

I agree with pp, ignore this at your peril - you can't claim later that you were unaware of X's expectation.

If you want to pretend you're treating it as a joke then respond jokily, e.g. 'Nobody's ever been able to force me since I turned 6! But I'll be happy to help X find a short-term rental, here are some links to local agencies for her to browse through, tell her to contact me and I'll be able to say if the streets she's looking at are OK - y'know, near bus routes, bad reputation and the like.'

And I'd probably be asking my dad what he said to them.

I'd ignore the card

Its already been said but you need to tackle this now.

I'd be asking your Dad whether or not he's extended your hospitality to X. And, if he has, then telling him that if he wants X as a guest, he's welcome to have her, but she'll not be staying at yours for long.

I'd also be sending details of local places to stay, links to "how to find rental acccommodation", University accommodation links etc. to X and her family.

I certainly wouldn't be assuming that they're joking - I think they're trying to make it lighthearted, for sure, but still fully expecting you to take X in! So sod that, if you don't want her, don't have her.

It could definitely be taken either way, and from your POV as well as X's, it's best to clarify. But, as she's an adult, wouldn't it be best to do that with her directly?

"Your Mum says you're serious about doing postgrad work near here next year. That's great! Here are a few links for places to stay that we know are in decent parts of the city and handy for the faculty. We'd love to have you round for dinner when you arrive."

That way she knows where she stands and nobody's message has to go through other relatives with their own agendas.

I think I'm going to assume it's a joke.
We're seeing DP s tomorrow so can check if anything was said then

Re the eating I'm not sure how else to describe finding multiple empty biscuit and sweet packs in the bin and crumbs everywhere as anything other than secret eating. It wasn't implied as judgemental other than all the food waste attracting mice.

Don't ignore it .
She may just turn up out of the blue one day .
Make it clear (joke or not) that you cannot accommodate her.
Silence may be taken as acceptance.