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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off and definitely ungrateful

53 replies

ZadokTheBeastie · 26/12/2015 21:32

that my MIL buys my kids second-hand clothes from ebay for Christmas? She's not hard up, by the way. In that she can afford 4 holidays a year and a packet of fags every day. Is it me?

OP posts:
RabbitSaysWoof · 26/12/2015 22:24

It's nice as an everyday thought to pick up clothes they think would be nice for your dc second hand or new, it's crap as a Christmas present.

AliceInUnderpants · 26/12/2015 22:28

Maybe she just wanted to give her something that not every kid in her class/nursery would be wearing too? (i.e. something out of 'season')

expatinscotland · 26/12/2015 22:31

Mine gives the children used needles and low-quality smack! As if! She has the money to afford top quality cocaine for herself.

Original poster
ZadokTheBeastie · 26/12/2015 22:32

BoomBoom She's a doting grandparent (in theory, from a safe distance of about 200 miles). I wouldn't say she's stingy, not exactly, but she is certainly quite self-absorbed and a bit sort of disengaged. Anyway it doesn't matter really, I suppose. Just would have been nice if she'd put some thought into it.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 26/12/2015 22:44

Alice, do you really think that?

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 26/12/2015 22:46

I do know where you're coming from zadok it is a shit present! If it had been an mire quality/expensive brand then maybe it wouldn't have been an issue as it would be less stingy?

00100001 · 26/12/2015 22:49

Oh wow. Such drama! Over Clothes.

If second hand clothes for xmas is your biggest problem. You don't have a problem!

Get her second hand clothes for her birthday/xmas and make a point of telling her they're second hand if it really bothers you that much.

biffyboom · 26/12/2015 22:51

Buy her gifts that are used, and with a lovely smile tell her that you know that's what she likes.

AliceInUnderpants · 26/12/2015 22:53

Imperial No, just trying to think of reasons I buy second hand.

Pooshy · 26/12/2015 22:55

Zadok I'm with you!

imwithspud · 26/12/2015 22:58

YANBU, I would be grateful for the gift but I must admit that if a family member bought second hand Primark clothes to give as presents I would find it a little odd. You can get some real bargains on eBay, if it were a more expensive brand then it would be understandable, but second hand Primark as a Christmas present? Just odd, surely with postage it wouldn't be much cheaper than buying new.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/12/2015 23:02

nothing says I love and care for my grandchildren so much like second hand primark clothing.

seriously she's too cheap to even buy the world's cheapest clothes new?

honestly if your hard up a few loving kind words in a card and a phone call would mean so much more.

what point is she trying to make exactly

peppielillyan · 26/12/2015 23:07

My boy's father's girlfriend is a super mean, two-faced woman. However, she spends £100 roughly on my boys b-day, for Xmas, on International Childs day, etc. She is stupid enough to leave all tags hanging and showing the prices. All i can do is say Thank you very much, so kind of you, exactly what I needed! and leave the things in the nearest charity shop on the next day.
It is not the value of the present, but whether it comes from their heart or not.

00100001 · 26/12/2015 23:09

peppie I'm confused Confused

00100001 · 26/12/2015 23:10

Why would you give thier present away to charity??? Confused

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/12/2015 23:11

are you sure she doesn't leave the tags so you can return if it's the wrong size?

LittleBeautyBelle · 26/12/2015 23:11

It really depends on your relationship with your mil and what kind of clothes exactly she is buying second hand on eBay. You say they are cheap packets of clothing to begin with, in which case, yes, that seems thoughtless to me.

There may be absolutely nothing wrong with what she's doing, it may be something would naturally do or think it's a great way to reuse clothing.

Or you may rightly sense that she is doing this to make a bit of a jab at you if she's shown ill will to you in the past. It's all in her motives and how she really feels about you and your dc. And you know and sense that better than we can. I would trust your instinct, my mil always bought second hand things for our ds as well and I didn't really mind except she showed ill will in other ways along with seemingly nice gestures, so it was confusing. Then eventually her ill will toward our ds was made crystal clear to me and dh and our relationship with her fell apart.

As another poster suggested, buy mil's next present secondhand and then you'll see clearly on her face when she opens it whether your instinct is correct or not. Best wishes to you, subversive inlaws are awful to deal with.

peppielillyan · 26/12/2015 23:16

00100001

I also thought about the tags being there on purpose, but for a return i would need the receipt, which is never there.
I do not like presents from people who are usually mean, annoying, talking behind your back, making up sh*t about you, and then appearing with expensive presents, to show how "caring" they are.

eastwest · 26/12/2015 23:19

This is exactly the kind of thing my mother would do, but then she'd be generous in other ways. People just value different things that's all. Having said that, I wouldn't get someone a second hand present unless I knew it was something they really really wanted (like, a vintage typewriter or something!).

eastwest · 26/12/2015 23:22

Agree about buying her something second hand for her own Christmas/ bitrhday present. I don't buy my mum presents any more. She's not fussed.

shazzarooney99 · 26/12/2015 23:29

peppielillyan, good lord! she spend a £100 on your oys and you send it to the charity shop? lets hope she never finds out and stops buying all together, what a selfish attitude you have!

saura · 26/12/2015 23:33

i would be so too

00100001 · 26/12/2015 23:34

you wouldn't necessairly need the recei[t for exchange though :)

peppielillyan · 26/12/2015 23:44

yes, i need the barcode on the receipt to:
-cancel the transaction to obtain refund
-show the date of purchase in order to exchange the item

well, people are pissed off for having second hand clothing, i have my views on presents from people who i do not like.

QueenArseClangers · 27/12/2015 01:02

My ex MIL gave my DS a book many years ago.
It was rather tatty round the edges and bore the scrawled inscription ' To Jamie, happy 4th birthday'.

My DS was neither 4 nor named Jamie ConfusedGrin

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