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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to start the Christmas row?

20 replies

stillnotjustamummy · 26/12/2015 21:11

I didn't want to stay with my in laws and extended family this Christmas. To keep peace and please DH I eventually relented and staged a fake Christmas at home before travelling to theirs Christmas Day (4hours drive). We leave tomorrow night. It has been hard. Sleeping 5 to a room, kids up through the night plus s three month old baby . I have been nice to everyone but already it is being talked of as a 'great success' and we 'have to do it again' . If I start a conversation about moving to 3 year cycle it's going to lead to a fight. I just want my feelings clear to all, that I'm not prepared for this to be how I spend every Christmas. Aibu to start the conversation anyway?

OP posts:
Stripyhoglets · 26/12/2015 21:16

Just laugh and say - gosh no - I want to spend some Christmas's in my own bed or with my family!
And then make sure your DH knows that you will not be doing this every year!

tethersend · 26/12/2015 21:23

Smile and nod and make other plans.

Hang on in there Wine

EponasWildDaughter · 26/12/2015 21:26

If I start a conversation about moving to 3 year cycle it's going to lead to a fight.

Can you explain more about this OP? Is DH on side?

I would feel the same as you. And i'd go the cowards way and just deal with it if/when the subject arises in any seriousness next year.

PingpongDingDong · 26/12/2015 21:29

Well done on surviving it this time....it sounds extremely testing! Agree with others, smile, say "mmmm" and then once you're on your way home tell your DH that you won't be doing it every year by any means.

HackerFucker22 · 26/12/2015 21:31

Next time it's mentioned smile sweetly and say "it's my DP turn next year but yep we'll do this again in the future"

SeoulSista · 26/12/2015 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Merguez · 26/12/2015 21:31

Smile and nod politely.

It's a year away - you can sort something else out in plenty of time for next year.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/12/2015 21:35

'D'ye reckon?' would be a great way to start the conversation you need to have. Leave it until you're home, but you definitely need to have the conversation. Don't put it off because Christmas 2016 will be on you before you know it.

PingpongDingDong · 26/12/2015 21:37

Don't say anything now. That will make it obvious that you haven't enjoyed it and cause offence and or a row. There's a whole year to plan something different.

thelaundryfairy · 26/12/2015 21:38

Agree with merguez.

abbsismyhero · 26/12/2015 21:50

suck your teeth oooh that might be hard when the kids get a little older we won't be able to share as easily as we do now

ask your dh if he likes having a sex life at christmas? five to a room sounds too close for intimacy?

stock up on turkey and dump some exlax in the food before your due to go again soooo sorry cant come might be contagious? (have imodium on standby)

Original poster
stillnotjustamummy · 26/12/2015 21:52

This is an issue the DH & I never agree on. The in laws have three grown up sons and for years now it has alternated between being oldest brothers year then middle brothers year, and us just fitting round, which pre children didn't bother us. The brothers have more extended family up in the area so are in the area for longer. Now I have three kids of my own, a widowed mother and three nephews who are in a shared custody arrangement so seeing them over the holidays is limited to when their mother (my sister) has her contact periods. I've already smiled, laughed and pointed out I'm having my nephews and my mother etc to my house next year for the day itself, but they are still assuming I'm going to be happy to travel up again after and I'm just bloody not. I want a year 'off' from sitting on motorways. I'm totally happy for them to come to us but every time I suggest it, it is mown down by the 'brothers are up here' argument. It just ruins the holidays and DH won't discuss it. It's very frustrating.

OP posts:
Original poster
stillnotjustamummy · 26/12/2015 21:55

But yes, thankfully it's a year off. I'll bite my tongue and just change the topic if anyone starts on how 'fun' it is.

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 26/12/2015 22:11

hmm vandalise the car? tell them its far to expensive to pay for a mechanic over christmas and it mysteriously springs into life when its all over?

abbsismyhero · 26/12/2015 22:13

book a holiday?

Topseyt · 26/12/2015 22:21

Well, clearly you have your mum and your nephews to consider. Don't you have to spend Christmas with them some years, starting next year. Then at least you could alternate, one Christmas at home with them and one where you see your DH's relatives.

Inertia · 26/12/2015 22:21

Well, your DH is the problem then. You need to stop keeping the peace and stop allowing him to over-rule you.

abbsismyhero · 26/12/2015 22:24

when do you get a year to yourself? seriously you need to have discussion not an argument pleasing everyone never works out long term you just get resentful

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2015 22:37

" it is being talked of as a 'great success' and we 'have to do it again' "
'Yes we must, in three years time!'

SquinkiesRule · 26/12/2015 22:59

Just tell him what you are telling us. Next year is your turn to host your Dm, Dsis and her child. If he's so desperate to see his mum then let him go. His family don't outrank yours.

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