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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas morning visitors

26 replies

Physcobitch · 24/12/2015 20:43

We have DC who is just 2. So he isn't too clued into the whole Santa thing just yet. I don't talk to my in laws (previous threads on this) so H and I Will not be spending tomorrow together he is going to his family I along with DC will be going to mine (H's choice).

Anyway I have been saying for weeks that I would like Xmas morning just the three of us no visitors and well see our families in the afternoon. Well this week because my sister had said she was going to call up tonight (she has been and gone) H has said he will have his family up in the morning. Just because that is what they do. I am so so angry we don't speak and they'll probably land in while I'm trying to get sorted for going to Church or first thing before we have even opened presents. I can barely stand to look at him for not spending the day with us never mind this. Angry

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 24/12/2015 20:49

Can't you just paint on a smile and welcome them? It's just an hour or so and it's, y'know, Christmas. Season of goodwill and all that.
Perhaps it's time to bury the hatchet, and not in each other.

BackforGood · 24/12/2015 20:53

Impossible to say, without knowing why you don't speak to them.

Original poster
Physcobitch · 24/12/2015 20:54

Well they aren't up for burying the hatchet I'm not invited to their Christmas Day dinner nor have I been invited to their Boxing Day dinner either. Just pissed off they get to come into my home make me feel uncomfortable and I'm not allowed in theirs

OP posts:
FlatOnTheHill · 24/12/2015 20:56

What time are they coming and how long do you think they will stay?
Is there any chance they can pop in boxing day instead.
Sounds all too much going on. Would stress me too.

Original poster
Physcobitch · 24/12/2015 20:57

Haven't been told a time just 'when suits them'. I told H to invite them up tonight I just wanted us three Christmas morning

OP posts:
bimandbam · 24/12/2015 20:58

Why do they? Tell him no. It is your home asuch as his and if he is seeing them in the afternoon then why the morning too?

If they want to see dd they should be willing to invite you to their home not just invade yours.

Wishfulmakeupping · 24/12/2015 20:58

If you're not welcome In their home then I wouldn't have them in yours- your dh should support this but it would matter why you don't speak- can you give us brief overview?

Higge · 24/12/2015 20:59

Maybe you should try to pray for more tolerance. It seems weird to me that you are getting stressed about wanting to get to Church but are spending a lot of time hating. Confused

nocabbageinmyeye · 24/12/2015 21:03

Yanbu, I'm nc with my in laws, dh can see them when he likes but they aren't allowed in our house and I don't go to theirs, dh agrees, no way I am being excluded in my own house

Pigeonpost · 24/12/2015 21:04

Absolutely not. You need to be firm with your DH. If you are not welcome in their home then they are not welcome in yours. If your DH is going to them later in the day anyway why do they need to come to you at all?

manicinsomniac · 24/12/2015 21:04

Personally, I don't think family count as visitors at Christmas.

You may not get on but at Christmas everyone seems to have to rub along.

ZenNudist · 24/12/2015 21:09

I think yanbu - if they won't welcome you into their home then you shouldn't have to have then at yours, especially not on Christmas morning.

But it sounds like your dh is part if the problem. Why isn't he supporting you in getting both dudes to reconcile?

TimeToMuskUp · 24/12/2015 21:09

Nope if you're not allowed to their home you can refuse them entry to yours. Your DH can like it or lump it; if he's so desperate to spend time with them he can see them in their own home. How incredibly rude of him to think it's ok to allow this to happen. It's not even your in-laws fault here, I'd be laying the blame with your DH.

ZenNudist · 24/12/2015 21:09

Sides not dudes!

FlatOnTheHill · 24/12/2015 21:11

Im with you on this OP.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 24/12/2015 21:14

I'd be heading to my parents before they get there.

If you're NC with them, then this is really not ok (you know this) and your DP is well out of order.

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 24/12/2015 21:27

Yanbu! I wouldn't have them in my house. Poor behaviour by DH IMHO.

TeaFathers · 24/12/2015 21:29

YANBU.
they don't get to land in on you when you are not welcome at theirs. ignorant twats.

coconutpie · 24/12/2015 21:29

YANBU. If you aren't welcome at their house, then they are most certainly not welcome at your house. Fuck that. Your DH is the problem though - what sort of a twat would rather spend Christmas Day away from his wife and DC?

pieceofpurplesky · 24/12/2015 21:33

Why are you nc? Seems like your H does not agree?

Original poster
Physcobitch · 24/12/2015 21:44

His mum is extremely controlling always has to be her way. When DC came along she didn't like that I spent a lot of my maternity with my own mum (while H was at work). She wNted to be no1 grandma. Then I was told I had to have SIL as bridesmaid or they wouldn't go to wedding. Then my hen SIL hit my friend and at the wedding they refused to speak to me then both verbally attacked me at the very end of the night which resulted with me in tears. I told H then that I was done

OP posts:
MistressMerryWeather · 24/12/2015 21:45

OP I remember your threads about your scumbag in laws and I wouldn't have them in my home either.

It looks like your DH will always choose them no matter what they do to you.

You and your children deserve better than a husband and father who will always put them second.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 24/12/2015 21:46

Regardless of relationship I think it's bloody rude to decide you're turning up without a time on Christmas morning. I wouldn't even do that to my parents.

Does your H understand why you're NC?

Leelu6 · 24/12/2015 23:19

Why are you with someone who won't put you and your child first and defend you?

Rainbunny · 25/12/2015 00:10

Call your parents and let them know that you'll be going up to theirs first thing in the morning. Your DH can entertain his family in your home by himself. Somehow I don't think he's going to find it very enjoyable having his family over on Christmas morning when it's just him looking foolish by himself. No need to express your anger, be calm and polite but clear that you'll be out first thing with the DC. You can enjoy Christmas day with your family. Sorry your DH is behaving this way!