Because I'm not. I'm feeling angry, hurt, upset and mad with rage. I can't shake this deep feeling of hatred. I hate that women who gave birth to me. I hate the people who have stolen from me. Hurt me, beat me, abused me, sexually assaulted me. I hate that I have mental health problems. I hate that those people are sitting there having a merry fucking Christmas! Sorry to be a grinch I needed to rant. I do have a ds and of course he is excited for tomorrow. But I could honestly drag my sorry arse to bed and stay there.