This is probably going to be very long.
My mum and dad broke up when I was 5 due to cheating (he actually committed bigamy but that's an entirely different issue). They divorced and my mum remarried soon afterwards. My stepdad has been far more of a dad to me and has raised me like his own- he's a great man.
Shortly after my mum remarried my dad threatened to have me kidnapped and taken to live with his mother (my gran) in northern africa. My mum wasn't sure how serious these threats were but decided not to take any risks and took legal action and spent the earth getting a full court order against him granting her full custody. As 'punishment', perhaps, my dad had no contact with me at all and didn't pay a penny of child support between the age of 5-10- he lives abroad and was hard to trace. Out of the blue when I was 10 he called my mum and demanded to see me when he would be visiting England. My mum insisted that she supervises and that he begin to pay maintenance. He paid a small amount between the ages of 10-15 and would visit me once every 6 months to a year.
He was married to my stepmum for 15 years and they recently divorced. She is a lovely woman and strangely, her and my mum have made very good friends especially after she divorced my dad. My stepmum and my dad had one child who is 16 and very severely autistic- he is non verbal and also epileptic. He's such a sweet little boy. He has had a full time carer for the last 17 years who lives with my stepmum and my half brother- we all trusted him. He is indian (relevant)
Now it transpires that for the last month or so, the carer and my dad have been plotting to take my brother away from his mum, take him to india, pay a poor young woman to marry him and make sure that my brother never sees his mother again. Once he was married to this young woman, she would take care of him or, if she couldn't, my dad would pay to have him put in a home for disabled people somewhere in Southern India. My dad would visit my brother in India 'once in a while' but this act would be to gain control over his son and to take him away from his mum. It's awful.
It's an absolute nightmare and thankfully my stepmum found out about the plans before it was too late and notified the authorities. Thankfully the authorities are aware now and action is being taken to stop the carer ever returning to the UK.
I am disgusted at my father but not surprised as he has tried to do things like this before and does ridiculous things simply for control.
I have a superficially cordial relationship with my dad (I've never told him what I really think of him as I hate confrontation) and he doesn't know that I know. In the culture that I was brought up, unconditional respect for parents is a given. I'm so conflicted right now.
I'm getting married next summer and my plan was to have my stepdad walk me down the aisle and do all the 'dad' things but to also extend an invitation to my dad. My reasoning was that even though I don't like my dad and feel very let down by his actions in the past, I didn't hate him enough to deny him the happiness of attending his only daughter's wedding. I'm pretty certain he'd come (he's said he would) and would be proud.
However since the mater with taking my half-brother away have come to light I'm just so so horrified and feel like I never want to see him again. My dad doesn't know that I know yet but it's all going to come out in the next few months i'm sure....
I want my stepmum to be at the wedding with her new partner and I don't know whether it's a good idea to have them in the same room as each other.
I also thing my dad would cause a scene and take away the happiness from mine and my fiance's special day.
However I think I would be under a lot of cultural and community pressure if I took away the invitation.
WIBU to stick two fingers up to people who put me under pressure to have him there or should I just grin and bear it? WWYD?