Would I be unreasonable to ignore this invite?

[Mirrormirroronthewall1]

I'll try to keep this short, friend and I had a falling out, she lives in another country. Emails were exchanged, but she still hasn't taken responsibility for her part in the falling out, I sent the last email to which she did not respond to, so I left it. We haven't corresponded in over a month. She's back in the UK for Xmas (has been for a few weeks) yesterday I received an invite to a party she's hosting, would I be unreasonable to not go to the party or not even respond to the message i would feel uncomfortable that the air hasn't been cleared. I could respond saying this, but I think it might make the situation worse, but I feel that her choosing not to respond to my email then acting like nothing has happened by sending this invite is pissing me off. Am I being petty to expect we clear the air and move forward, rather than brushing things under the carpet and carrying on?

Real friends don't insist on "the principle". They forgive each other and move on.

Why isn't she accepting responsibility? Does she think you've over reacted? Does she think she was/is right? Does she think you should agree to disagree? Does she think she's right? Does she think it's a fuss about nothing.

There can be 'valid' reasons for not wanting to apologise & maybe it can feel humiliating to be forced to if you don't think you did anything wrong.

Hard to tell without knowing what it was all about.

Personally if I wanted the friendship to continue I'd go along & see it as a new start & stop demanding apologies. If I didn't care whether the friendship continued or not I'd ignore.

Either way I'd stop demanding apologies - any apology will be fairly meaningless now.

The way I read it is that she isn't going to do as you want.

Not necessarily because she's nasty/stubborn/selfish of whatever, but because she sees things differently.

A party invitation isn't necessarily a sign of close friendship (if she's here only sometimes, it's a convenient way of getting together all the people you haven't made plans to see individually).

So go if you're happy with that, don't go if you don't want to see her.

Or invite her to something you think more suitable for the current state between you and see what happens.

If you don't want to remain friends then don't respond don't go to the party and move on from the friendship.

You may think your friend is Queen Wrong of Wrongville, wrong place at the wrong time but she is entitled to disagree and may never apologise. Either you can move past that or you can't. This sounds like a "let's agree to disagree olive branch".

Your right an apology would be meaningless now- as it's not forthcoming. However as friends if I'd upset something regardless of being right or wrong,them over reacting etc I would apologise for the feeling id cause. I would like my friend to be upset/ hurt by something I did even if it was my 'fault'. To me it's about respecting your friends feelings.

Surely if she had a party and don't invite you that would be much worse?
Inviting you is an olive branch and a sign that she still wants to be friends. Some people are just not good at apologising and if you want to be friends with people who are not good at apologising you have to learn to just move on from things.
If you want to be friends then go to the party and don't mention the argument as you have already said what needed to be said in your email.

You do sound a bit like hard work. In fact you both sound like hard work.

The party is an olive branch and the perfect way to get back on track if you want to continue your friendship. Moving on doesn't have to be after a big heart to heart and an apology.

What did she even do for this huge drama? In imagining something really bad like forgetting to feed your animals when you went on holiday or something.

The problem with ignoring emails is that there is always a genuine chance that the email went astray or that the person started a reply and then forgot to send it. I wouldn't see a non-response as anything tbh And that applies to her not replying to your email and you now not replying to her invite. She also might not have realised your email needed a 'mea culpa' response.
If you don't want to go and a matter of principle means more to you than the friendship then get in touch to say you're declining the invitation.

Well she's clearly not going to apologise - can't tell without knowing the whole story whether that's reasonable or not. So either accept the olive branch & move on, or ignore & potentially call time on the friendship.

It sounds as if she thinks you've been making a meal of it- she's left it for a bit then invited you to a party as a sign that she thinks it's in the past and best forgotten. If you don't agree, then it sounds like the end of the friendship- if the principle is more important than the person, then time to move on.

I've got friends who refuse to apologise and I either decide if it's worth letting it go for the sake of the friendship or decide I don't want to be their friend anymore. But personally I wouldn't bother with all this drama trying to get her to apologise when she doesn't want to. I would consider that a waste of my headspace.

No I would not apologise if I didn't think I was in the wrong. Why cant you just agree to disagree?

You are obviously still upset by whatever it was she did, so in your situation I would leave it - perhaps not by just not replying (unless you are sure you are finished with the friendship) but by thanking her and saying you have other plans.

I agree that it is pointless to expect or want any apology now, but I would have a problem with someone who could know they have upset me and think I should just get over it.

Accepting the invitation would mean that both of you have put the incident in the past (even though it might still be rankling with you). Ignoring it would mean that you really don't want to be bothered with her any more, whereas declining politely gives you more opportunity to consider if you want to continue being in touch with her or not.

Not everyone has the time or the energy for endless post-mortems after a minor tiff. Unless she shagged your husband I really don't get the need for the drawn out dramz.

Are you a Scorpio or Pisces by any chance.....?

Go to the party if you want to. Don't if you don't.

I think unless it's something really worth falling out about you could just let it go. I haven't the time or energy to go over small fall outs and imagined slights. It does sound tiring. We you both quite similar, if so then that might be the cause of the problem. Falling out, waiting for the other to 'admit' responsibility and simmering with resentment at unanswered emails. I couldn't be bothered. In order to get over this you either need to go to the party and be pleasant or politely decline without making a fuss.

Its a crap olive branch. There needs to be personal communication between you.
This is more like you have to be there or she'll have some explaining to do.

I'd send one one more email asking if we are talking or not.

My money is on her thinking it's all forgotten. It was a "minor disagreement" after all.

Are you a Scorpio or Pisces by any chance.....?

Seriously?!

I know a Pisces who'd argue with her own shadow. she's always looking for fight.

Not that I believe in stars signs but no I'm not, I'm an autum birthdate, but she is a Pisces.

Thank you for you're honest perspectives, it's refreshing to hear others points of views. Still not sure what I'll do.

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.

Not Scorpio either.

I feel her lack of empathy towards me is hurtful and she wouldn't accept it if it was the other way round

There's your answer

i'd send her a nice reply thanking her for the invitation but declining. Suggest a meet up for another time to catch up and clear the air.....the ball remains in her court to serve. If she doesn't want to do this then you'll know you definitely made the correct decision.