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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not Helping out, DH is tired.

48 replies

birdboo · 23/12/2015 21:25

I had a surgery 2 weeks ago. I'm back on my feet but only just and due to go back to work on the 27th. DH has done a 6 hour shift today (his last until the 27th too). He has left me with all the housework and Christmas crap left to do.

Apparently he is tired so has gone upstairs to play on the Xbox Angry. Meanwhile leaving me with presents to wrap, cards still to do, baking in the oven, kitchen still has dinner plates to wash and laundry to do. While he relaxed after work. I went to tescos and the bank which I cycled to . If I ask him to help all I get is whiney teenager.

I'm ovulating as well and I want to throttle him not suduce him

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 23/12/2015 22:35

You need to ask yourself "Why am I with this man actually who doesn.t add anything to my happiness in life"...

And then get the fuck out of there! You still have a chance!

Once kids come into the mix it's gone - unless you do it alone. I did, not easy understatement

RideEmCowgirl · 23/12/2015 22:36

The op won't return for a while. She's busy sorting out the house whilst silently seething. .....

3luckystars · 23/12/2015 22:39

Thre are two sides to every story. None of the stuff the op is doing is "urgent" in my opinion and she should take it easy too, why should he be bullied into helping her when he probably is tired.

CatMilkMan · 23/12/2015 22:44

Add message | Report | Message poster AnyFucker Wed 23-Dec-15 22:16:54
Cat has some bullshit agenda

As per

I have agreed with you a few times but your bullying turning every thread in to your own bollocks is wearing very thin. Tell yourself whatever you need to. Done.

aquashiv · 23/12/2015 22:52

He has left me with all the housework and Christmas crap left to do.

How? Either do it or not. Where is it written anywhere that anyone has to do this for Christmas. That is bullshit just go to bed or do what the hell you like OP. Do not make a martyr of yourself though.

AnyFucker · 23/12/2015 22:52

I would rather be seen as bullying bullshit "suck it up" posters like you Cat, than adding to the chorus of "women, know your place" dialogue we all get subjected to, especially at this time of year

ovenchips · 23/12/2015 22:53

You can't make him pull his weight. Unfortunately. But you are fully in control of you. And you can stop automatically picking up all the slack and doing it all.

You don't even have children in house to consider. There's just 2 adults. Stop doing it all! Until you do, your DH has no motivation to do more as whatever is not done by him defaults to you.

You can't change him, you can change you.

ENTirelyTrimmedUpForChristmas · 23/12/2015 22:58

Are you tired too OP?

I suspect yes, so just don't do any more today. The world won't end.
Go to bed, rest and repeat.

If DH complains just tell him that you were tired too. Too tired even to play on the x box.

There's a very old saying 'If you lie down like a doormat, don't be at all surprised when people wipe their feet on you'

DancingDuck · 23/12/2015 23:07

If you don't have DC you're under no obligation to anyone. He's tired and resting. Why not? You're tired but slaving away. He didn't say you must, you decided to and now you feel put upon and upset. Stop. Rest. Follow his lead. Everything can wait until you are both refreshed, relaxed and able to sort it out.

Hissy · 23/12/2015 23:38

6 hours and he's tired?

I work part time and work more than 6 hours a day... Boo fucking hoo.

Don't have kids with him, the only thing you need to make is an exit.

TendonQueen · 23/12/2015 23:43

Don't do any of the wrapping, tidying, none of it. In fact see if you can book yourself in somewhere for Christmas dinner and leave him to sort himself out.

Peppapigallowsmetoshower · 24/12/2015 07:19

OP?

Nanofone · 24/12/2015 07:26

Why are you TTC with such an unhelpful partner?

AlisonWunderland · 24/12/2015 07:34

When women complain about a uselss partner when they have 3 kids, someone will unhlpefully ask 'why did you have chidren with this arse?'
It sounds like you dont yet have childreb but are TTC.
Dont until you and he are ready

theycallmemellojello · 24/12/2015 07:40

To be fair, you're both off work for a few days, right? So I don't think that not doing the washing up/laundry/wrapping in the evening is necessarily a crime, presuming you're not going away early this morning. However, if he's not doing 50% in general, personally I wouldn't even consider having kids with him. I wouldn't consider being in a relationship with him come to that.

TeaFathers · 24/12/2015 07:45

expect things to deteriorate rapidly once you have kids.
although as you say, you do have a big baby already so you'll have plenty practice of wiping people's arses.
have fun and prepare for much worse should you stay with him.

redskybynight · 24/12/2015 07:51

I'm going to play devil;s advocate and wonder what DH's side of the story is?

Has he been doing lots more while you've been recovering? I know when my DH had an op I got to the point where I was so tired I couldn't be supportive any more and just had to take myself off for a rest.

None of what you are doing sounds essential. Does DH think it's necesssary? If not, I can see why he's not putting himself out. Have you asked him to help?

TheBunnyOfDoom · 24/12/2015 07:52

I think there are two options here:

  1. DH is a lazy man child who can't be bothered to do anything around the house, leaving OP to do everything.

  2. None of the stuff OP is doing is actually essential, so the DH is leaving her to it if that's how she wants to spend her evening.

So, until we know whether all these jobs are essential (Surely nobody needs to be baking at nearly 10pm!) we don't know whether the DH is a lazy man child or whether the OP is a martyr.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 24/12/2015 07:52

x-pst redsky!

BathtimeFunkster · 24/12/2015 08:11

your DH has no motivation to do more as whatever is not done by him defaults to you.

And this is why he is a shit man and a crap husband.

A good person who loved you would be motivated by that love not to leave all the work to you.

SanityClause · 24/12/2015 08:28

If I ask him to help all I get is whiney teenager.

Maybe doing all the baking, wrapping, dishes and washing, right now, isn't important to the OP's DH, as suggested by redsky and Bunny. (And that is quite possible.)

But surely then, he could suggest they do it together in the morning, or whatever, rather than turning into Kevin.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 24/12/2015 08:33

I think we need OP to clarify before we all go down the road of slating her husband.

If DH decided to start baking or doing housework at 9pm there's no way I'd get up and join in - I'd let him get on with it, and I wouldn't be clearing up after him either! Anyway, plates will wait until morning - there's no need to stay up until stupid o'clock washing dishes!

whois · 24/12/2015 10:39

Either there's a different side to the story.., or he's a total man child and the OP shouldn't TTC.

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