to think "I'll do it later" in DH-speak is synonymous with...

[GinInAJamJar]

... "I can't be arsed to do it and know you'll do it for me"

Recent examples in our household have included Christmas present for MIL and getting down the Christmas decorations.

Non-festive and ongoing examples include picking up the chuffing foot towel after having a shower or putting dirty crockery into the dishwasher rather than leaving it on the side.

Since its Christmas, can I make it a double AIBU? WIBU to wish for some fairies for Christmas to allow me to live the same things-magically-get-done existence?

Yep yep yep yep.

Yup

YANBU

Does he also say 'I'll do it when I get around to it'? In that case he needs this.

Unfortunately for DP, I have an amazing tolerence for letting things wait until he does indeed do them, so he knows that I will rarely do things for him.

This does mean that we don't have Christmas decorations every year (no DCs and I can take or leave them anywway) and his mother rarely gets any cards and presents from him but that doesn't really impact on me.

She knows that I refuse to be a martyr to wifework and if she judges me for it, she hides it very well .

Synomious with manyana or never!

BarbaraosSeville why oh why did I not know about a roundtuit in time to get him one for Christmas?! I am in envy of your tolerance... mine was never that good, and now we have children its just not possible to let him do it in his own time without it having a negative impact on the children.

Its "in a minute" in our household and if i get accused of nagging (rarely he knows better) i like to reply, "its only nagging if i have to ask more than once!"

After almost 20 yrs of marriage I simply leave it for him to sort - it does actually get done eventually - I don't nag I simply say something like "ok so you're happy to get something for mil?" Dh says " yeah ok" I then say " that's now your responsibility in not mentioning it again " . It took s few years but he knows I really don't (a) mention it again or (b) do it for him!

You are enabling this by giving in too easily!!

YABU.

He doesn't do it because he knows you will do it. Because you do. Every time. It's really not rocket science.

Leave it to him to do. Then when it doesn't get done, tell anyone who questions it that as a grown adult he can buy his own present/organise some Christmas decorations, and it's hardly your fault if he hasn't done it.

If you do it every time then why would he suddenly change?

You're his wife and equal, not his mother

Thurlow you are right, I'm not his mother, but I am mother to our children and its not fair on them to not have Christmas decorations up/anything to give grandma/a dry foot towel at bathtime because daddy doesn't do things.

But, in theory, I definitely agree with you and jelliebelly that I'm enabling him by giving in too easily... I feel a New Years Resolution coming on....

Generally if it doesn't impact me (e.g. MIL's present) I leave it to him. Not my problem.

If it does impact me I give a deadline and an unreasonable consequence (if you don't move your shoes out of the middle of the hallway by Saturday I will pile them all into a heap in the garden and set fire to them.)

I wouldn't actually do that, but he's never been brave enough to test it that far.

God yes. Mine will only do things in his own time. Our chickens currently have no food at all- they ran out yesterday. I told him 5 days ago they were on their last bit.
I could kill him sometimes. It's bloody hard work organising me, him and DS 24/7!
I'm mad just thinking about it. Is it too early for gin?

Yep. The only way to break that habit is to either leave him to it or leave him. Or both, depending on how bad it is.

You buy something from the dcs for grandma and don't tell him you've bought it. Wait until it's time to give grandma her gift, and look calmly at your DH and say "where's the gift you bought for your mother?" "What? You forgot? Oh dear, how terribly awkward for you. Thank goodness the dcs and I remembered."

Most of what I want to say has been covered, so I just want to ask - foot towel? Do they have separate towels for each body part?

Try this ... where dinner ... i`Ll do that later .... can you iron my shirt ... yes later ... etc etc ... works wonders.

In my house it is, though I won't do it for him, then he gets annoyed I didn't remind him, but if I do I'm accused of nagging!

I was about to load the dishwasher before I turned in for an early night last night, hubby said that he he would do it, I asked when, he said before he went to bed, I asked him if he properly promised to do so, he did.

Got up this morning and dishes all around and he hadn't done it! Was sad :-(

Yup, DH watched the Bean movie while i wrapped all the presents on the floor. Then when DS wakes up, I'll take him for a walk to buy tea stuff in the freezing cold while he stays home and tinkers about making a toy tractor. Then I'll make tea while he skulks about, possibly cleaning a bathroom. Hardly a chore as its HIS parents descending for festive period.

GingerIvy - genius. Although my MIL would probably think it should be e as wife buying the presents... but that would be a whole different AIBU...

pepppigallowsmetoshower I love your name. And share its sentiment. And we've had mirror days...