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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to ttc?

22 replies

Faye12345 · 23/12/2015 11:02

I started a new job A few weeks ago and have been ttc since October. Im doing a 9 month uni course for this job that i thought was going to start in March i did consider stopping ttc until April if this was the case so i could finish course etc. However today i found out the course doesnt start until September am ibu to continue to ttc? September seems a long time away!

OP posts:

SpanglesGalloway · 23/12/2015 11:04

IMHO I wouldn't put off ttc. Another of people will comment on how long it can take...I'm one of them 2 years! And now I'm 37w with dc#1. I wouldn't hold off for anything really you would be entitles to SMP if you've already started the job and if you need ti postpone the uni course then that's that! Ofcourse I don't know your personal circumstances financially etc bit it wouldn't hold me back. Good luck

Enjolrass · 23/12/2015 12:29

It really depends.

What happens if you chat finish the course? Will you have to pay money back? Lose you job?

Can you take a few weeks off and take baby with you?

It took me 15 to conceive both times.

Also might depend on how old you are.

PennyHasNoSurname · 23/12/2015 12:31

If you do fall pg in the next few months could you defer for a year?

PickleBot · 23/12/2015 12:35

They aren't allowed to discriminate against you based on a pregnancy, they'll let you postpone the course. Crack on I say, it took us 1m ttc DC1, now pg with DC2, but that took over 2 years. You never know what's going to happen.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/12/2015 12:49

How old are you?
How much does this career move mean to you?
Could you survive comfortably if you fell pregnant tomorrow?

Original poster

Faye12345 · 23/12/2015 12:53

Im 29 will get full mat leave and im sure can postpone course! Its public service so theyd struggle to sack me without a court case

OP posts:

SusanIvanova · 23/12/2015 13:01

I get why you don't want to postpone but honestly I would.

Enjolrass · 23/12/2015 13:07

It's really up to you.

I believe they can sack you for any reason in the first two years. You would need to prove it was due to pregnancy and (I think ) you have to pay upfront for a tribunal.

But that's not really relevant and I don't want to assume they will be dicks about it.

You could be qualified in 18 months?

How much mat leave will you take? Do they know when the next course is?

I would try and work out what the difference is between how long it would take to be qualified if you postpone ttc, and how long if you fall pregnant quickly.

Then decide whether it's worth it.

I honestly can't say what I would do. But honestly, next September is only 10 months away. It will go quicker than you think.

It really is a personal decision.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 23/12/2015 13:11

I'd continue TTC. Who knows how long it will take you. Best of luck.

Original poster

Faye12345 · 23/12/2015 13:28

The course runs in March and September so I will hopefully be able get on the next course after the baby is born. Ive been qualified in my field for almost 10 years and have a spotless reputation. I know other people its happened to and theyve been fine

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 23/12/2015 13:42

29 - I'd postpone.
Trying to study, work and cope with a newborn will be no fun at all.
Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, grumpiness, etc..... won't help you get that qualification.
But it's a very personal thing so only you can decide.

Enjolrass · 23/12/2015 14:29

Well if you know you will get onto the course in March 2017 and are happy with that, go ahead and go for it/

It does sound like you have thought about it and made your mind up. Good luck!

RealityCheque · 23/12/2015 14:33

Never postpone the really important stuff like TTC.

You could be sacked in a few months - you just never know.

Naty1 · 23/12/2015 14:43

I was 29 when started ttc baby was born at nearly 33 via ivf.
Dc2 born at nearly 36 also ivf.
You really just dont know. Plus dc1 was first round of ivf. If you are unexplained infertility they can make you wait 3 yrs before treatment (some areas now dont offer it anyway)
I wouldnt recommend anyone waiting till over 30 if they really want them.
Having said that, you can be exhausted for first yr of babys life. They may not nap or nap on you.

Flamingoblue1 · 23/12/2015 21:56

Wouldn't postpone ttc ever, sometimes are more important than work! Good luck xx

Unreasonablebetty · 24/12/2015 01:33

Ooh no, don't postpone ttc!
Apparently a ladies fertility starts to go downhill after the age of 27 so don't hold off- please don't think I'm scaremongering saying that, it's just our reproductive spans aren't that long if you think about it!

Carpe Diem when it comes to baby making! When I fell pregnant with my daughter it was an absolute surprise, had been using contraception and everything, I was only 16 and was told so many times that keeping the baby would be such a mistake, and I had all the time for babies when I was older. I had her anyway.
I've struggled with fertility ever since, I've miscarried the few times I've managed to fall pregnant in the seven years since.
My point is, don't hold off... Go for it.
Good luck, and enjoy motherhood, it's one hell of a ride.

theycallmemellojello · 24/12/2015 06:31

What happens at the end of the course? Will you still be in the same job? If you're going to be looking for a new role after the course then IMHO it makes sense to do that before baby. I don't agree that the statistics support there being a vast difference in fertility between 29 and 31 for example, and lots of women have babies well into their 30s, though of course I have every sympathy with those who struggle.

Becles · 24/12/2015 06:34

I suggest that you read the maternity leave policy again. Just because it's public sector doesn't mean that you get full maternity benfits if you haven't been there for x time.

My cousin was a couple of weeks short of the time her hospital job required and ended up on statutory pay.

Or is it that you've transferred into this job within the same company?

Scarydinosaurs · 24/12/2015 06:43

Don't postpone.

Original poster

Faye12345 · 24/12/2015 12:14

Thanks ive had more than one year service in nhs so will get full mat leave despite moving trusts. The course supplements role so will be in same job same band post course xx

OP posts:

PicaK · 24/12/2015 12:35

Don't postpone. Don't feel guilty. (Took me nearly 6 years.)

Naty1 · 24/12/2015 17:00

Thing is you never kniw of the people having dc later how many had help. I know of 7 other ivf dc.
1/10 women has pcos.
Some men have no sperm at all.
Cant remember for certain but think 1/7 couples have trouble conceiving.
The older you are with dc1 the older with dc2 (possibly secondary infertility).
We started ttc earlier than all but one of friends but our dc are the youngest.
Increased mc rates and disability.

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