To think he's wrong not me

[SilverdaleGlen]

Huge backstory not going through it all but DH has form for going AWOL to "manage" (habloodyha) his depression. Left Thursday supposed to be here Saturday for a family xmas week. Got maybe maybe all weekend.

Today he texts around 2 saying he's ill and tired but he's coming home. NOTHING since. No answers to calls and texts. 9pm he eventually calls and asks me "what the hell's wrong with you" for shouting at him that I'd been worried and he could have been dead in a ditch.

AIBU that 3 days late and 7 hours radio silence is fucked up?

I don't think he's managing his depression. I think he's managing YOU.

This is not a reasonable way to manage depression. Depression is not a free pass just to fuck off for several days without contact. Where exactly is he going during this time? Where is he sleeping? And who is he with?

We have a house elsewhere that we are trying to shift. He goes there. This has been going on for a year. I have 3 DCS under 6. I feel broken.

Is he getting treatment? If not then he needs to get some professional help urgently. Or he might as well leave permanently.

No. And won't.

He isn't treating his depression, he's controlling you. This is not a responsible way of handing his health or his responsibilities in life.

You deserve better. So much better than to be beholden to a man who disappears for 3 days.

He's a selfish cunt.

I'm actually regretting posting this as he saw a load of my MN posts under another nn and was really upset. But that effectively cut off an outlet for me. Quite worried tbh.

We've spoken now. All is well. 'Cept it isn't and what I've come to accept as a "normal" reaction to MH issues isn't.

Ltb.

He may well have depression.

But his primary problem is that he's a selfish irresponsible arsehole.

The depression is by the by.

You feel like he's cut off an outlet because he saw you were posting on here? Another red flag there, OP.

Agree this sounds more like he is trying to control you than trying to manage his depression. Very worrying. I have limited sympathy for him from what I've read here.

Wouldn't we all like to disappear off when our kids are being trying. I was in similar situation except he didn't disappear just made everyone miserable.

I packed his bags and told him he could go or if he wanted to stay he was going to gp with me today. Happily he made right choice and we ended up in emergency psych referral as gp was concerned.

he saw a load of my MN posts under another nn and was really upset

Not upset enough to go and get treatment for his MH issues though, you know, like a considerate adult who loves his wife?