To hate it when people get my children over excited?

[Pyjamaramadrama]

I've got some relatives, they usually decide to visit at teatime/bedtime, they tut and eye roll if I try to carry on with our usual routine, the husband gets 7 year old really over excited shouting and tickling and making stupid noises and then gets irritated when ds can't just stop because they've had enough.

They stay for ages so late that ds ends up taking himself to bed.

They book family meals really late on weekday evenings then get all huffy if I say I won't go so I feel obliged. Then they're late. They wind ds up at the table messing around for example at a buffet place telling him to keep going up and getting puddings even though I'd said he'd had enough, playing punching each other, pretending a sausage is poo and stuff like that. They then moan that he was playing up and that I was letting him run around.

The truth is I get sick of telling him off when actually he's only doing what they're encouraging him to do and can behave perfectly well when kept calm with me and his dad.

How do you be assertive with people like this?

Avoidance works best for me. Mainly because otherwise one day I will blow up in exasperation and say something dreadful.

My solution to a similar situation was to gently point out "Yes, this is how she is when she..." (In our case: "is fed her body weight in sugar late in the evening"). The look of dawning realisation (when the same thing had been pointed out via text a million times previously) was very satisfying!

YANBU! I hate this. We have a family meal tomorrow night with my brother in law who winds my 3 year old up and then gets bored of him very quickly so I'm left to look like the bad guy who can't control her children and just snaps at them. Then I feel really guilty because it really isn't their fault.
I remember my uncle doing this to me and my mum would just leave the room and on occasion, meal, and leave him to deal with it. Not a bad idea.

YANBU my stepdad does this - we've all asked him not to. He's pretty decent otherwise, but it is annoying.

Its traditional. This is what relatives do. Very trying but part of a child's experience. At least they're paying attention to him! My family does a good line in ignoring DCs altogether.

Erm... Your family... Your routine.

You say no to teatime or evening visits.

You say no to late reservations

You tell them that you're free between 6 and 9pm and won't be out later than this, and they will have to go, so not to be offended because it's not personal.

"How do you be assertive with people like this?"
At the doorway of your house. 'Sorry, bad time to call round uninvited we're just about to start teatime/bedtime, you'll-have-to-come-back-in-an-hour/you-really-should-call-at-a-better-time. Bye!'

And as for the public torture meals booked, just refuse. Why do you feel obliged to go when you know it's going to be hell? 'No, that doesn't work for us.' Rinse and repeat ad nauseam.

My dad does this, takes things off my DS he says no winds him up loads then I have to calm him down, so annoying but I think it's part of what relatives do. I like the idea of walking away and letting him deal with the calm down bit too that sounds like a good plan!

I'd refuse any evening invite, no matter how huffy someone got, it's got fuck all to do with them. If they stay late when they turn up, I'd let DC stay up for a bit then take them off upstairs.

My cousin had a terrible habit of coming an hour before bed and winding DS up something proper, he did it to annoy me. He also taught him a wrestling move and would whisper at him to do it. His mum told him he shouldn't do it but his response was "I think it's funny so I'm going to." When he became a dad I quickly reminded him how I was going to wind up his precious princess DD before bed and teach her wrestling moves, he never did it again!

Relatives like this really piss me off, but then I knew mine was doing it to wind me up because he thought it was funny, after a lifetime of people winding me up for their own amusement, I don't find it particularly funny.