To be fed up with the family present buying fuss

[LovelyBath]

Just that really. I'm still not used to it; my family are pretty laid back really and if we get each other anything it's a nice token. DH's on the other hand is another matter. Cousins, aunts and uncles, cousins partners etc (and there are many) all have presents sent and for close family, it all needs to be asked about to make sure you are sending them what they want etc, which I think is a shame, where's the fun in that? It gets so stressful. Yesterday we had the usual call from MIL as they are driving to vast family with a car of presents and have we ours ready to take, then today another call as sending a box special delivery to other vast family and have we ours ready etc. then lots of texts from more close family asking what we all want and careful deliberations from DH over a certain book or something...I'm leaving him to it (and feeling guilty) Is this normal? I'm Scottish and think it might be more about the New Year there as this is all a bit overwhelming to me...but it's been going on for years and it's still just as stressful

DP's family are like this. my family is not from a christian background, so I never grew up doing anything for christmas.

I think the whole presents things for adults is a bit odd, especially when people feel the obligation so strongly that they choose to get something utterly useless over nothing.

DH does his family and I do mine. His family get nothing. I get under 18s in mine and my mum. Don't get involved in their arrangements if you can avoid it.

This is all making me feel loads better! He was huffing on yesterday that 'it's like this every year' etc and I'd usually feel guilty etc but I just thought, FFS it's totally self-inflicted and ridiculous! It always feels like I'm the odd one not doing much, as if I 'don't care' etc but actually it's fine! I had MIL on the phone yesterday several times, in M & S...what kind of collars does DH like in his jumper again....would he wear black PJs if the white bottoms are sold out...I was like, don't worry just get him a voucher or something. They also have this thing of getting the certain same things every year that they know the other person likes and that needs to be there the more I think about it it seems a bit more odd! Another odd thing is they're quite religious and not really into possessions / keeping up with the Joneses etc so not really sure where all this comes from!

PS the cheques thing sounds equally mad!

I don't mind buying for my nieces and nephews on DH's side of the family, but I'd point blank refuse to buy for extended aunts and cousins etc. If that's his tradition then he can either do all the legwork or can politely tell them he won't be participating this year. Don't feel guilty!

ExH's family do the present list crap for adults as well as children. It was such a relief to be divorced from it all and leave it to ExH to deal with.

Swapping cheques - I know a family who do this. They all give each other the same amount of money.

Hi! I was googleing to see if anybody has the same problem like as me regarding presents. I am Spanish and my boyfriend English.
in Spain is all about being toguether. Our presents are “us”, our time, our food, our laughing, our dancing (the ones who like…). In bdays, Christmas, etc, we might have something to give. But if not, it is fine. We do not follow protocols and rules and long lists of things to buy to everyone and things to receive. Really. Since I am in England and with the family of my boyfriend, I get so stressed out that I do not feel like going and see them. It is all about materialism. I am scaping the Christmas scene the next Christmas and will try to do the sane from now on. I just had enough.
I am a generous person who gives presents to family and friends whenever I feel like. It does not have to be a bday or any other celebration like that.
I am glad I am not the only one fed up of superficiality materialism.
Most of the time people gives you stuff that you don’t like and you simply “do not give a f*”.
I have to go tomorrow to his family house to celebrate 2 bdays there. I am now going to the city centre to see if I can find anything for them. I feel like it is an entrance fee to their celebrations. I do not feel like at all! I just want to run away to Greenland and not coming back until that celebration is over!
I don’t like small talk either, nor speaking about money or materialistic stuff. Life is too short to care about that nonesense.
My boyfriend goes to Spain to my family”s house and he has never bought nor paid anything. It was just not necessary.He loves it there. Life is easy ans simple.
So, I feel the sane as you do regarding presents.
I am going to tell my partner that from now on he buys presents to his family and I will do it to my family.

Clever women establish early in a serious relationship that both parties will look after their own family only, and NEVER deviate from that. EVER.

I'd leave if I had to put up with that ffs.

@Wildsoul You need to make your own new thread about this. People will come on a reply to the original poster and this thread is years old!