To ask about your experiences of PND and how did you know you had it?

[midnightsunshine]

Baby is 14weeks. Feel tired, sad, counting the hours until DH gets home so I can take a break (6hours to go...)
I love my son but feel like I'm not enjoying the baby stage much, everything feels uphill. Is this normal?

Until a few days ago he was sleeping through from 11pm-6am but now he wakes at 3am and 5am for a feed I have no idea why but the sleep deprivation is dragging me down and I'm running on coffee. He used to nap in his cot for a few hours in day but now he'll only nap on me!?

Eating feels like a chore, I'm underweight and BF but can't get up to get food without waking baby (who will then cry until he falls asleep on my lap again).

How did you know if you were slipping into PND and did antidepressants help? Or did you manage to lift yourself out of it without medication?

One lady I help through Homestart is very happy with me taking the baby out for 2/3 hour walks/trips to the coffee shop and she just sleeps whilst we are away. The other lady is more anxious about being away from her baby so I do all her jobs- washing etc. Even did her xmas shop today! Might be worth a look although some areas have cut back on services.

I knew I had it but felt even more of a failure so didn't tell anyone until dd was 8 months. For me it was the feeling that I was such a terrible mother and dd would be better off adopted. Needless to say, in retrospect, I was just beating myself up all the time and overwhelmed with guilt that I was failing my baby. I'd put a lot of pressure on.myself to be the perfect mother, breastfed all day long and she continued to lose weight, thought I was poisoning her by giving her formula....Looking back, in the v early days I had crazy hallucinations which I wish I'd spoken up about sooner. I waited too long to ask for help, get yourself to your GP.

Even once my PND was under control, I found the first six months HARD. Relentless feeding and constant changing sleep patterns and only a limited amount back from baby. It's okay to not enjoy it and doesn't necessarily mean you're unwell.

My PND manifested as extreme anxiety, guilt that my baby had me as a mother and vague suicidal thought (i.e. wanting to 'disappear'). Medication helped, as did sleep.

I don't think I had what would be classed as PND but having a very little baby is hard and sometimes you do just feel overwhelmed and sad, especially if you are sleep deprived.

At 14 weeks I was still crying a lot and very anxious (btw plates being carried over a pram is definitely a no no, I don't think that's unreasonable!), desperate for my partner to get back from work.

My mum was convinced I had PND and my husband mentioned it too but at 23 weeks it's all a lot better. I think it's just fucking hard and often horrible work having a baby! No wonder we're sometimes sad and weepy.

Definitely visit your GP though to chat things through and see what will best help you.

So sorry you're going through this-it's fucking awful.

For me, it manifested itself in an inability to eat or sleep (even when given the opportunity) and an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I felt constantly on edge, didn't want to be anywhere near the baby and basically sobbed constantly.

It was picked up instantly as its about as far from "real" me as possible. Was referred to psychiatric consultant, given anti-depressants and a boat load of diazapam. Ended up having home visits from mental health baby nurse every other week to help with the bonding.

DS is a very, very difficult baby (toddler now) and continues to push me to my absolute limits. I'm more able to cope now and have been off all the meds for nearly 8 months.

Please go see your GP and do not suffer in silence. My case was extreme and I'm definitely sure was triggered by the fact that DS never slept for more than 45m at a go and refused to eat.

I had constant anxiety, not just about the baby but about everything. Even a trip to the shop was a hazard and I eventually avoided doing most things altogether. I was incredibly snappy and awful to DH and I cried every day. I didn't really think I had PND, I just thought I was having trouble adjusting to two DC. I was very cagey and defensive, I ended up going to the GP one day when I really shouted at my 3 yo for something so minor and then I couldn't stop crying. It was out of character for me. After I'd been to the GP I slowly started noticing all of the things that were linked to my PND, I didn't realise that I was very symptomatic.

My main anxieties are about health and illness, I really struggle with this and I can't take my DC near any children who have been recently ill. I'm irrational about it to the point it impacts on my life so it's definitely a problem.

After going to the GP I felt a huge wave of relief, please go and have a chat and see whether it's PND or whether you're just exhausted. Either way, you're not feeling good and it doesn't have to be like that. Good luck.

Oh Op, this thread really bought back a lot of dark memories for me, I'm so sorry you are feeling like this.

I felt so low, and so fucking tired after DS. Like dog tired, my bones were tired. He was such a good baby, breaks my heart to think of him with an unhappy Mum.

I was never diagnosed, MIL and DM hinted at it a couple of times and I completely denied it, said I was just tired. I wish I had been honest, especially with DH and DM. I remember feeling like it would scar us both forever, it hasn't, he's 4 and we are great. I got significantly better when I went back to work when he was 10 months. Good Luck OP, it won't always be like this.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Think he's started the 4-month-sleep-regression a bit early. Last few nights he's been waking every 2hours and wanting night-feeds again! I'm so tired I feel sick.

I feel sad today. It's his first Christmas but much like a normal day. I decorated the house but that's it. Didn't get him presents as he's too young to open them, can't face thought of cooking, cancelled going to family as its a 4-hour drive and he screams in the car.

DH is still asleep (with hangover) after his night out.

Hopefully next year will be better!

Those of you who tried antidepressants, did they make things easier to cope with or just make you feel drowsy/dazed? I've taken Trazadone and Citalopram in past but felt spaced-out and disconnected from everything. I'd love to take a pill that helps me stay calm and happy (instead of wanting to tear my hair out every time he cries) but not sure if these exist?

Put earplugs in. These take out some of the frequencies of the crying so you can still hear them but you can carry them around without that ear splitting wail.

I really feel for you. I don't know if I had (have?) pnd but I had odd periods where I'd look at him and see his face sort of distorted into something malevolent, especially in low light. I was totally aware it was a visual phenomenon but it was still disturbing, I also thought (still do really) that I was a terrible mother. I got/get extremely intrusive thoughts re harm coming to the baby. If j carry him down stairs I'm terrified of flip and drop him and in my minds eye I see him dead.. It's horrible
For the first six weeks I was managing on almost no sleep and I fantasised about harming myself badly so i could get away.

I've found that there's a threshold of sleep I need. For me, it's one three hour stretch a day (I have sleep issues anyway, I've never slept all night.) if I get less than that I start to unravel.

Find out what that number is for you and make sure you're getting it most nights. This may mean someone else does a night waking or you co sleep.

I hope things get better for you X

I knew I had PND but no one believed me. I used to sit by my front door with a bag packed for DS and went outside to each car that stopped in my street to offer him up to them, assuming they were social services coming to take him away.

I remembered seeing a cat when I was very young that had kittens in our garden & it ended up eating one of the kittens that was the runt of the litter. I kept wondering all the time if I was going to be that type of mother.

I took out various life insurances so that when I walked into traffic my DS would be set for life.

It was horrific. But it also was weird as at the same time I loved my DS more than anything & everything he did gave me such joy. I was just convinced he would be better off without me.

Diagnosed with PTSD, PND and psychosis by a HV who visited me after I had been to my GP surgery about 20 times in a month because I was convinced something bad would happen to DS.

I was bloody mental but that HV was the only person who sorted me out through CBT & anti-depressants & other meds.

I think there are various levels of PND. All need addressing. Hormones plus sleep deprivation just equals some horrible mix. It's okay not to enjoy bits of parenthood. It's bloody hard!

Has your health visitor done the questionnaire with you? There's one online too about how often you feel down etc.

I had pnd with dd1 and used to drive with no seat belt on in the hope that I wouldn't survive an accident, I would never have committed suicide but I felt like she'd be better off with a different Mom, looking back now I can't believe I felt like that.

With dd2 I felt very tired and hated the early months as she had terrible colic and wouldn't sleep, I dreaded her being awake and wished the time away and felt like she was someone else's baby as I couldn't bond properly with all the crying but I don't think it was pnd as it felt different, more how I imagine it is for everyone with a colicky baby.

I had insomnia and absolutely no appetite. I wished and wished for a minor accident to put me in hospital for a week or two so I could have a break.
I thought my baby preferred her daddy and that I was a terrible mum.
I have had anxiety on and off for years so just phoned up my psychiatrist who put me on a low dose of sertraline. I felt horrific for the first week of meds then much much better.
Now DD is 15 months and I have quite low levels of anxiety about being a mum.

Does your dh help with the baby and the housework?

I had it with my second child and found I didn't want to be near him, I would give him to anyone that would have him which sounds awful looking back that even being close to my own baby made my skin crawl. I also didn't want to do anything or go anywhere which is very unlike me. I was convinced he hated me too which is crazy considering he was only a baby.

I would speak to your Dr there's no harm in it. I wish I had before I got as bad as I did as I feel I missed out on so much with him

OP sorry you're feeling this way, it's so hard in the early months.

Please go to your GP and request help, explain how you felt on the antidepressants and they can recommend alternatives and possibly consult or refer you to your local mental health team or primary care service for some talking therapy or alternative support if you need it - it's all free and should be used! As a new mum you'll be seen quite quickly due to your vulnerability. Don't worry about being judged, it's why services exist, and even if it is "just sleep deprivation" it's better to talk this through and work it out.

Also any concerns re social services (these always lurk in the backs of peoples minds) can be discussed, any referrals discussed with you as they may be able to offer you extra help if you want it.

Don't put this off, get help now so that you can start to feel better. Xxx

OP glad you're asking for help, I didn't realise I had PND but it was awful. Major anxiety, feeling I couldn't cope but also feeling like this was completely normal (to me) and I had nothing to complain about.

So I did nothing, and it took a few years for things to go back to normal.

Good luck.