Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To wonder why men

14 replies

Tamponlady · 21/12/2015 21:54

On the back of my thread about my sil and another posters thread who's wife is being very badly behaved towards her mum

Why are men such wusseys when it comes it tacking passive aggressive behaviour aimed of there wife's

I would never tolatre bad behaviour towards my husband from any of my family but men can't seem to get a handle on this

OP posts:

7to25 · 21/12/2015 21:58

I think that to a lot of men, though not all, passive aggressive and sly behaviour either passes them by or they will ignore it.
Ten year old boys punch each other. Ten year old girls sarcastically compliment each other.
If the MIL punched their wife they might understand it better.

winterswan · 21/12/2015 21:59

Quiet life

Oysterbabe · 21/12/2015 22:17

I think there's many a man who feels badly treated by their MIL and would like more support from the wife. YABU for making sexist generalisations.

LotsOfShoes · 21/12/2015 22:20

They don't take it as seriously maybe. I think 7to25 has a point. Although some men are worse than others and some really do just choose to ignore and would rather have a quiet life than stand up for their wives/themselves. Some might even enjoy the bunfight over them. Some might just be used to it since childhood and think it's normal. Most men who do that are just arses though.

Seeyounearertime · 21/12/2015 22:26

I don't know the other thread but I will say my GF doesn't need me wading in to 'defend' her. If she feels slighted she's very capable of standing up for herself.

I wouldn't want her defending me either TBF.

ilovesooty · 21/12/2015 22:26

As others have said - some men.

TimeToMuskUp · 21/12/2015 22:30

Some men. DH is great at calling out PA behaviour from anyone. He picks me up when I'm being a dick, and has several times corrected MIL's nonsense. It helps that I do the same; if you're upset or cross, just bloody say it. Don't do that fake-smile-devil-eye thing and expect folk to put up with it.

Skullyton · 21/12/2015 22:32

they dont all act that way.

my DH doesn't speak to his brother over something he did towards me, and is contemplating cutting some of his other siblings off for the same reasons.

Original poster

Tamponlady · 21/12/2015 22:34

seeyou

In my view this is the trap because my mil is no relation of mine we barely talk and if I let rip the damage would be unreparable witch would likely have implications in my marriage the reason why you get the respective partner to have a word is because as your mother they no how far to go also anything said in a crossed word is likely to be forgiven

I wouldn't want my husband haveing a argument say with my dad the up shoot would likely the pair never speaking again unlike if I spoke to him I think that's is the crux also people feed of thinking they are correct in there behaviour if no one else's challenges they often assume because people are in agreement people keeping quiet often ebolds them to act out more

I have to say my mil is still awful but has got a lot better since dh told her the price of eggs she would go round actually saying well no one else thinks I was mean until my husband stepped in

OP posts:

ComposHatComesBack · 21/12/2015 22:36

Because in some circumstances when my mum and my wife have had words (nothing serious),sometimes i think my wife has been in the wrong, sometimes I've thought my mum has been in the wrong. I am not going to back either of them if I think they are in the wrong. Plus they are both capable adults, neither of them need anyone to stand up for them.

ConceptOfBiscuits · 21/12/2015 22:43

There not honestly.
I could list off loads of ways this has not been the case for me and family/friends.
However also those same men would be as quick to say something to me if I was being a dick.
But also I do have a mouth myself and am very good at using it , so might get pissed off if DH was always "jumping to my lil old defence", there's a balance on where I would answer and where I would expect both of us too IYKWIM.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/12/2015 22:47

Compos - that's a normal relationship though. The OP is talking more about the cases where there are real problems between the MIL/DIL, as shown by the threads she's referencing.

The one where the OP has had to give up having her mother come for Christmas because her SIL has now demanded said mother's attendance; and if the mother refuses to go, and goes to the OP's instead, then her DIL will cut contact. That's not normal behaviour.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/12/2015 22:48

Sorry, that last para should have started "Then there's the one..."

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 21/12/2015 22:51

My partner knows better than to 'jump to my defence' as it were. I'm perfectly capable telling his mother off when she becomes opinionated in my home. However, he also has classic middle child syndrome and is very good at becoming invisable instead of actually saying anything. He did step up last time his mum was here though - she was carrying in smoke all over the house (we have a very young baby), but will not tell her to shush when she's moaning about silly things (it irritates me, she doesn't know she's born sometimes, but that's none of mine, she's far from the worst MIL in the world).

Flip