To think my house, my rules?

[foxessoxes]

So- the plan up until last night was id spend Christmas alone as I didnt want to travel 150 miles to my parents to spend Christmas there.

Went for dinner last night and I invited my friend and her DD (who is also my goddaughter) round for Xmas dinner so she didnt have to worry about cooking because shes a shit cook and then we have decided to spend the day together- they are coming over Xmas Eve and staying over and doing presents etc here

Parents called this morning to announce that they are coming, with my brother. And SIL and nephew. Right.

I pointed out that I live in a 2 bed, tiny flat. Not a problem- Dad has booked them in to a local B&B.

So they think they can squeeze in to my tiny flat on Xmas day to do presents, and have Xmas dinner. I have a tiny kitchen and my oven is tiny- there is no way I can cook, and host, for 7. Not a chance- 3 will be a push.

Ive pointed thisout to DM- surely you can uninvite them? Surely family are more important? This just goes to show how selfish she can be.

Anyway. I was starting to relent- and then comes up the topic about presents.

SIL doesnt want to do the whole Santa thing with nephew. So is it OK if we tell friends 5 year old daughter, that there are no presents from santa this year? No. No its fucking not.

Que a rant about how selfish I am, how im not thinking about my own nephew at Christmas. I said- my house, my rules. She then tried to trump with "we gave you £500 towards your deposit". I have to admit, the tears from the laughter are still stinging in my eyes a little bit.

Ive told them they will be welcome to come- but they wont be staying, we will celebrate on my terms and if they dont like it- they can stay home, or if they are at my place they will be shown the door.

AIBU?

[DisappointedOne]

How the actual fuck can that be?!

[CFSsucks]

I hate that my family make no effort. I hate that I am absolutely the bottom of anyone's list to visit (in fact I'm not even on the list, they just don't bother) but fuck me i'll take that over this.

No one would be telling me what to do. In fact a relative of mine invited herself last year, and I bloody well let her come, this year I've said no she has to make other arrangements before she literally just turns up, what they are I couldn't give a fuck tbh, not my problem. I cannot abide rude and entitled people.

[drspouse]

What the? How can they be?

[RideEmCowgirl]

because the Op is allowing them too by not telling them strongly enough that they are not invited.

[ImtheChristmasCarcass]

HIDE!!! Douse the lights and HIDE! I'm being completely serious.

There are just some people who will not take 'no' for an answer and it appears that OP's family may be that kind.


OP, is there any way you can move everything to your friends?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"They are still coming "

Then best you are at your friend's house cooking a lovely dinner before they arrive.

[venividivicky]

OP, do you actually love your family? Do they love you more than you love them? What is the history?

I say this because I am also in the minority on this thread in thinking that they must care for you deeply to travel such a long way over the Christmas period and pay for accommodation, in order to spend Christmas day in a small flat. They are coming because they love you, they want the family to be together, and they assume that you will be pleased. Essentially, they are making the effort to travel because you are not prepared to do so.

I agree it's late notice but sometimes it's nice when things are spontaneous. It's only one day/meal after all. I imagine they were having a conversation and feeling sad that you would not be coming to them this year, because of the distance, so said why don't we make the effort this year and go and see Fox, and have persuaded the family to do likewise. It probably didn't occur to them that they wouldn't be welcome.

Can't you just buy the stuff ready made if necessary (do you have a microwave for the veg and pudding?). Then all you need is say a turkey crown or something to stick in the oven, or even a ready cooked gammon. Maybe you could ask your guests to bring the food if you are busy and won't they help with the preparation and clearing up? I think it's a first world problem when family are not welcome to share a meal because the home/oven is too small.

I lost my mother many years ago, before my DC were born, and my DC are older now, although two still at home, but we are still very close, and Christmas is a big deal for us. It breaks my heart to think that I could one day be so unwelcome at their homes that I could travel 150 miles and they wouldn't even let me in.

[RumAppleGinger]

Any chance you could take all the food and presents to your friends house and have christmas there instead? presuming of course that your mum doesn't know where your friend lives

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Op I was a bit that you don't want to travel 150 miles to be with your family at Christmas - many others travel thousands to be with theirs. Your family are wrong to just say they'll be pitching up with so little notice but I too wonder what history there is here. Your sil does sound like an arse and of course it should be your house, your rules. But is it possible there are other issues at play here? Are you otherwise close? How often do you make the 150 mile trip to see them? Might they feel it's a one sided relationship? Or are they quite toxic and you therefore prefer not to see them?