WWYD- If your child hits you in public?!!

[Sprinklelights]

DS, just turned six, has severe verbal dyspraxia, so he sounds very babyish when speaking.

Since DS was diagnosed with this disorder, around 3 years of age, I would of hoped that with speech therapy and as he grew older, his frustrations would ease a bit. It hasn't, if I must say, he has gotten worse. He would frequently hit, bite, scream, shout and pull my hair when frustrated and does this even more so when in public. I feel like I have no control over him.

It's bad enough when strangers literally gawp at him because when he talks it sounds like gobbledygook. But every time he hits me, I can feel the stares. I feel like I'm being constantly judged.

When he does hit me, I literally have to restrain myself from shouting at him, I always tell him a firm "No" and "No hitting". But this doesn't seem to work.

I'm even scared to take him out somewhere, incase I tell him not to do something and he starts hitting me.

I feel like I'm a prisoner.

I really want to nip this behaviour in the bud, incase he, God forbids, starts hitting other kids at his school.

We have similar issues DS is 8 now. We're currently waiting on behaviour therapy. His aggression mainly comes from not being able to express himself coherently. His speech is occasionally clear though usually saying something he shouldn't (ie cunt badger today ).

he only hits me when I tell him off, or tell him not to do something. That's the only thing that triggers it.

Oh right. That sounds a bit familiar . I had to do a lot of this with my DS. He has communication and anger problems and “no” or "don't" were real trigger words for him. Can you get your DS to mostly do what you want without having to tell him off and without saying “no”? If so then that counts as success

We had a lot of routines so I wouldn’t have to tell DS what to do, he knew to “do this then that”. I said a lot of when-then too “when you have put your shoes on then we can go to the park”. I would tell him how I expected him to behave in advance, in a concrete way, as much as possible, and I wouldn’t tell him to not do something or stop doing something unless I absolutely had to because it was hurting someone or causing damage. Instead I would wait until afterwards (no matter how many nasty looks we were getting!) and then tell him how to behave in that situation in future in a general cheerful kind of way “when we’re in the café let's use a knife and fork instead of fingers, it’s more polite”. And when I did want him to stop doing something annoying or a bit risky (but not hurtful or damaging) I would say things like “three more and then put the stick down/stop splashing” and then count down “three – two –one –all done! Good boy”.

Do get some more support from SALT or OT if you can. I also whole-heartedly recommend “Explosive Child” – it made me feel a lot more in control of things, although funnily enough part of that was simply deciding which things I could reasonably control and making a proper decision to leave other things on the back burner until DS and I were both ready to deal with them. And do head over to SN – there are lots of lovely people there with experience of parenting kids with these kinds of problem. I agree with becker that educating people is a good thing but people can be very unkind and then it’s an extra burden at a stressful time. Sometimes it’s good to go where you’re likely to find understanding. Maybe have a look at AFASIC, they support children with comms problems and their familes and they have local meetings in some areas.

Sometimes thumping people can go with the territory and it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong at all. It might take time (plus professional advice and some anger therapy and maturity) to get on top of the problem but quite likely he'll get there in the end. So try to ignore judgy onlookers – it’s easier said than done but in the end you are the expert on your DS and they have no idea.