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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is unfair on the cat?

26 replies

CrystalSkull · 18/12/2015 22:29

To cut a long story short, my dad is getting my grandparents a cat. My grandparents are in their late 70s but he is paralysed and she has severe dementia. They have had a live-in carer for about a year (before that they were not coping at all) and the carer doesn't like cats. The worst part is that the cat is two years old and is therefore highly likely to outlive my grandparents. AIBU to think that this is really unfair on the cat?

OP posts:
IrritableBitchSyndrome · 18/12/2015 22:31

YANBU. Why on earth...?

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 22:32

YANBU. Can't they get an old rescue cat?

HeffalumpTrap · 18/12/2015 22:32

Not fair on the cat, your grandparents or the carer!

Puffpastry1 · 18/12/2015 22:33

Why would he get them a cat?

TheHouseOnTheLane · 18/12/2015 22:34

Is your Dad willing to take the cat if they become unable to live at home?

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/12/2015 22:34

Yanbu.

they can't possibly get it to vets and she might forget to feed it etc

unfair on them both

Buster08 · 18/12/2015 22:37

Oh God YANBU! I've got a 3 year old cat and she's crazy. She runs about all the time, demands attention, scratches, climbs up everything and is generally pretty high-maintenance. Not a good idea at all.

Perhaps if it was an old, quiet cat that slept a lot and liked to sit on knees and be stroked, but nothing any younger, it's a big commitment.

BillMurrey · 18/12/2015 22:38

Cats are also a trip hazard - can you talk him out of it?

GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 18/12/2015 22:39

Just why? Unfair on cat, cater and your grandparents!

knobblyknee · 18/12/2015 22:40

YANBU. If the RSPCA wouldn't rehome a cat with them, your OH has no business buying one for them.

Sallyingforth · 18/12/2015 22:46

YANBU.
It's unfair on the cat, the carer and the GPs.

Topseyt · 18/12/2015 22:47

Bad idea. Not thought out. Who will look after the cat, especially long term?

honeyroar · 18/12/2015 22:50

Your dad is being really stupid.

Original poster
CrystalSkull · 18/12/2015 22:57

I completely agree. My dad has said he would take the cat but he lives in a small flat that is barely big enough for the very possessive cat that he already has. He has bought the cat online because - I suspect - no rescue would rehome a cat in this situation. I am furious. We have talked so much about possibly getting an elderly cat etc. and my dad goes and does this! I have tried to appeal to reason but I'm not getting anywhere.

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 18/12/2015 23:27

That's appalling. There is no way he is in a fit state to take care of the cat.

ReginaBlitz · 18/12/2015 23:33

Why are the cats owners being irresponsable and re homing to this situation in the first place?! And also a two year old cat will be hard work, it took me a year to settle our rescue cat. I would tell your dad you will call a rescue if he takes this cat poor thing .

TeaFathers · 18/12/2015 23:46

that's dreadful. really stupid.

ShebaShimmyShake · 19/12/2015 00:30

Don't let him do it. They can't care properly for the poor creature.

Charlesroi · 19/12/2015 00:39

Poor cat. This won't end well.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/12/2015 00:44

Poor bloody carer, never mind the cat. Animals should NEVER be presents.

coffeeisnectar · 19/12/2015 00:49

We have a two year old rescue and have had her for a few weeks. The only person she hasn't bitten, scratched or hissed at is,my 10 year old who she has taken a shine too. My 9 year old cat we've had two years and only started settling with us and not attacking us after about a year.

Who will clean the cat tray? Feed it? Find it if it gets out and wanders off? Put flea drops on? Vet visits and bills?

I'd be tempted to remove the cat as soon as it's delivered and take it to a rescue. Another poor animal shipped about before it's even an adult.

mummy250271 · 19/12/2015 00:53

Very bad idea, as a carer myself, I have lost count of the amount of cats that I am expected to look after as they have been ""bought"" as a present and the elderly people arent capable of looking after them. I dont even particularly like cats yet I am the one feeding them, cleaning out litter trays etc etc lol, please try to talk him out of it xx

LaLyra · 19/12/2015 00:58

Getting a young cat is very unfair on the live-in carer as well as the cat. We had an elderly cat when my nana had dementia and when he passed away getting a new, elderly, cat was absolutely the right thing to do (we got one that looked similar and it made her feel like she was at home and safe because she recognised the cat), but a young cat that needs playing with and the likes is not the right fit for an elderly couple and a non-cat lover.

SpecialistSnowflake · 19/12/2015 01:16

Sorry to say it, but some rescues will. It's an ageism issue, that's what I was told. A cat I fostered was adopted by a single man in his 90s who had to go into a care home shortly afterwards and give her up, but when I raised my concerns I was told that she could be adopted by a 20 year old, who could then get run over the day after... Maybe it depends who is running the rescue. When it's mostly people who are way past retirement age, it gets a bit awkward to argue! But several of my cats have been adopted by elderly people, they are seen as good carers though in the aspect that they tend to have quiet homes, and also that they are usually around a lot.

SpecialistSnowflake · 19/12/2015 01:19

Though I should say, that this is clearly a terrible idea, and I hope you manage to dissuade your father, OP.

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