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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To do a 10 mile round trip to drop off DS' forgotten schoolwork?

51 replies

ChipsandGuac · 18/12/2015 16:48

DS is 11 and not the most organised child on the planet. Imagine a bit of a mad professor type in an 11yo body.

Anyway, this morning he left his folder containing all his schoolwork in DHs car after DH gave him a ride to the bus stop. DH didn't see it until he arrived at the station and parked his car.

DH called me at home and I drove over to the station with the spare key, picked it up and went onto the school to drop it off and went home, a 10 mile round trip in all.

I kind of thought it was the kind thing to do but when I mentioned it to my friend, she suggested I was bonkers and that DS should have had to suffer the consequences of his lack of organization. That hadn't occurred to me.

So I figured I'd ask you lot.

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 18/12/2015 17:37

chips that sounds way better than trudging out to the station

Dancergirl · 18/12/2015 17:40

I would have taken it. I've taken in forgotten PE kits and the like.

Bollocks to all this 'they've go to learn'. If dh or another adult I care about forgot something I would take it if I possibly could.

By not taking it you may be teaching them to be responsible but nothing about kindness and humanity.

TheFairyCaravan · 18/12/2015 17:41

I've done it more than once and when they've been older than 11.

They didn't forget things on purpose, it was an accident. They were/are really great kids, always helpful at home and did their homework, chores etc and helped me as I am disabled.

They've grown up and moved out into the army and to uni and are very, very organised, so me taking them their homework a few times did them no harm.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 18/12/2015 17:42

If it was a one off or occassional thing I would do. If they had form for doing it lots I would stop.

We all, even as adults, do stuff like this sometimes.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 18/12/2015 17:53

I had the school phone me when ds was 11 (juniors). Can you pop down with his his PE kit please? He says its in the kitchen.

Me-when is PE?

Now.

Well, I am in one of the nearby towns, about 1/2 an hour walk from my car. Then 40 mins drive back to the village.

And I know full well, it is not in the kitchen. It is in the pigsty he calls a bedroom.

So, even if I lose my place in the council office que, pay my council tax late, rush home, he will still miss it.

I have been reminding him every morning to take it back to school.

He isn't much better a year on. He gets asked about homework when he gets in. Declares there is none.

But suddenly at bedtime he just needs to finish this...

Notso · 18/12/2015 17:56

I have dropped off stuff for mine several times. I probably wouldn't so readily if it was a weekly occurrence but for children who usually remember things then yes.
I'm not sure suffering the consequences does stop forgetfulness either. I was forgetful in school with no chance of texting anyone to help and despite numerous detentions, lines, cleaning out the lost property and missed breaks I'm still forgetful as an adult.

noblegiraffe · 18/12/2015 18:14

Yeah but if they don't suffer the consequences, who does? Mum.

Also giving kids the idea that mum (it's always mum) is some sort of dogsbody isn't great for gender equality.

Pidapie · 18/12/2015 19:08

I would go, if it wasn't a regular occurence. I don't think 10 miles is that far.

CremeEggThief · 18/12/2015 19:12

As I don't drive, definitely not. If I drove, I might, if it was very important or if I was feeling generous.

I8toys · 18/12/2015 19:16

10 miles not that far - yes if I had nothing better to do

ethelb · 18/12/2015 19:20

Im surprised how many people would be able and willing to do this. Its not very fair on the children of people who have to work.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/12/2015 19:20

If I was a driver and not working yes I'd have done it.

Otherwise he'd be stuffed.

Marynary · 18/12/2015 19:30

If he is at secondary school will the school pass it on to him or will he only get it if he thinks to go to the office? There is never much point taking stuff to my daughters' school as they won't pass it on.

foxessoxes · 18/12/2015 19:35

You should talk to my mam OP.

We lived in the middle of nowhere growing up. Coursework desdline day, and on the bus I remembered id forgot my English coursework.

My mam had to drive 40 miles (and back) to school to drop it off. She wasnt impressed

AChickenCalledKorma · 18/12/2015 19:35

I might have done the same if I'd had time. But I wouldn't have had time on a normal school day, because I'm at work. Our kids have had to get used to the idea that I can no longer deliver stuff and they need to remember it for themselves.

lifesalongsong · 18/12/2015 19:37

I would and have done in the past, if I can help my children I will, I want them to grow up to be helpful so I'm happy to model that behaviour.

If something's forgotten when I'm at work though that's just tough.

Where I live a 5 mile trip to school would only take 10 minutes

Domino777 · 18/12/2015 19:45

I only would if I happened to be driving past the school anyway. In the long term it is enabling poor organisational skills though.

NickiFury · 18/12/2015 19:45

It's not fair on the children of people who have to work?

What a ridiculous thing to say. Everyone has different circumstances don't they? I don't work because my children are disabled. Therefore I am in a position to do that kind of thing. Lucky kids and lucky me eh?

Domino777 · 18/12/2015 19:48

I am very helpful and supportive parent and not running around after my secondary school aged children has really benefited them.

Original poster

ChipsandGuac · 18/12/2015 19:50

The whole trip took about 40 minutes as it's stop and go traffic here at that time of day. Not that that makes any difference to me going or not!

OP posts:

Gatehouse77 · 18/12/2015 19:51

If I can, I will.
If I can't, they accept the consequences.

NickNacks · 18/12/2015 19:52

It's not fair on the children of people who have to work?

Erm I work. Full time. I still do this for my children.

Gatehouse77 · 18/12/2015 19:56

My DC's school has recently got an app called Show my Homework.

The teachers put their homework on it with instructions, deadlines and helpful hints, if appropriate. It's been marvellous (assuming the teachers do their bit by posting which is most of the time) as I can log on and see what they've got and if they need help. No more relying on them to write it in their planners...

Rivercam · 18/12/2015 19:58

in your situation, I would have done it, especially your son is year 7, and thnfolder comtains all his school work.

However, I wouldn't do,it for older boys as they have to,face the consequences of forgotten homework, and it helps,them to become more responsible.

Saying that, took 13 year ds to,school yesterday when he realised he left his pe kit home at home so we turned around to pick it up (8 mile round trip). However, if he remembered later in the day, I probably would not have bothered.

IguanaTail · 18/12/2015 20:04

At our school, mums seem to spend the whole day driving up forgotten items.

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