To feel crap about this

[Terrihat]

Sitting here crying because this is the first year I can't afford to spoil my family at Christmas.
Before I went on maternity leave I loved buying my family nice Xmas presents, this year is my son's first Christmas and I can't afford to buy him what I want. I feel so bad, and so upset that I can't afford to spoil him.
i have bought him and my dp a few wee token gifts but I feel like I have let them down.

It's our first baby's first Xmas. We thankfully aren't short of money.

What've we got him?

A "stormpooper" vest for £4.99.

It matters not one bit.

Dear OP, don't be ridiculous! Christmas is about spending time together, honouring old traditions and making new ones. I could probably afford to buy my DS (14M) lots of fancy presents, but I'm not doing any of that. My best memories of Christmas are coming down the stairs in the morning and seeing the lovely gifts santa (my parents) gave me. All home made and precious. My mum made some cuddly bunnies with their own set of clothes. My dad made a little bench they sat on. Even if you are not that crafty, it doesn't matter. A little thoughtful gift goes a long way. Please don't think you need money to make your DC happy. It's all about creating a lovely day that everyone enjoys. Why don't you get your DC a secondhand Muddypuddles (other brands are available!) rain suit and then take him out on a long adventurous walk. Toys are so overrated. It's spending time together that matters!

We've spent £16 on our daughter (she's 14 months) - some second hand Duplo. She's getting one stuffed toy from my ILs and two bath toys from my parents. I don't want any extra crap in our house. She'll play with the boxes and paper more anyway!

Don't worry about it.

My kids are used to me saying I can't afford things. We have six in our family and if it was a free for all there is no way we could survive financially. They know this. it is fine.

I managed to do the stockings for £2 each one year by getting jumble sale toys and running them through the dishwasher so they looked as good as new. Honestly, kids don't notice this stuff at all when they are little and even when bigger you can train them to be reasonable about asking for things.

In terms of my DH when we are hard up we instigate a £10 rule and go to the garden centre together and see who can buy the funniest present for the other one on that budget in the gift section. It's amazing what you can find.

If you are up to collecting things then Freecycle is absolutely fantastic for kids' toys so you might be able to get some bits and pieces from there.

If Christmas is stressful and makes you feel you have to be on a financial treadmill you are getting it wrong IMVHO.

" I can't afford to buy him what I want."

Please don't let him feel your guilt, whatever your guilt is fuelled by.

Terrihat he won' know it is Christmas, so don't worry, all he needs is you two, warm milk, sleep and something to poop into!

Please relax and enjoy our Christmas. Maybe ask someone else to buy you a baby's first Christmas romper suit.

Also, if the crying continues and you can't seem to feel better, please do check out post natal depression with your midwife or GP, it can creep up on you.

Have a brilliant Christmas and just enjoy it.

your not our! Of course!

There are loads of things you can do for virtually nothing which he'll love. Turn a cardboard box into a castle by cutting turrets, doors and windows into it so he can crawl in and play peep through the flaps. Fill a box with scrunched up newspaper and let him scrunch around in it. Seriously, he'll love it.

Can only agree with what previous posters have said - first Christmas is a much bigger deal for you than it is for your DS.

I think I spent about £30 on DD for her first Christmas - some soft skittles, a ball that jingled, a few board books and a bath toy.

Her absolute favourite thing was a helium balloon with a little bell attached that we tied to her bouncy chair - she was just old enough to reach out and grab the ribbon so it bounced up and down and jingled, which kept her amused for ages!

Know how you feel. I'm in same position and haven't been able to buy presents really, just some small token gifts. Unfortunately though i have members of the family who will comment on how small their gift is. I dont mind as it's dd first Xmas so she won't understand yet.

Get yourself cuddled up on Xmas day in bed with your DP and the baby between you and enjoy just the day being a new family. Xmas isn't about gifts, it's about being together with loved ones. Let all the crying out then go hug your little babe.

YABU. First of all its not about how much you spend money wise. Time spent is way more important! Secondly it's his first Christmas, he won't really understand it, by all means make it special but you don't need lots of presents to do that.

It's my dd2's first Christmas, we've probably spent about £25-30 on her and they're toys which will grow with her until she's around 2/3 so money well spent imo.

Even 3yo dd1 hasn't got massive amounts spent on her. Her main present is the asda dolls house and furniture set, cost £50 for the lot. I'm currently in the process of 'decorating' the inside of it as I felt it was a bit bland. It's far from perfect some of the wallpaper has bubbled but it will be customised and I hope she and eventually dd2 will get years of play out of it! She's got a few other things but nothing extravagant really. I think for her first Christmas we got her a personalised Christmas bauble for the tree and that was it.

There's more to Christmas than presents. A nice collage of your sons first Christmas to put on the wall or something would make a great belated present.

OP have you read this thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas/2517204-bust-your-hole-to-manufacture-MAGIC-ENCHANTMENT-WONDER-etc

You really should.

Then get your DSD and your DS and go for a walk in the woods, find pine cones, make cakes, do a treasure hunt, make some decorations out of paper, make mulled juice, sew stockings, do a board game, play with her Barbies - ANYTHING that is fun and cosy and about sharing a nice time together.

OP, my 2 kids were 10 months and 9 months for their 1st Christmas. I bought a bib/babygro set saying baby's first christmas and a wee toy.

Please, please don't get down on yourself because your baby will not know. To them it is just another day.

Slightly off topic but in the same vein - Myself, DH, DD and DS lived abroad together as a family from the time the kids were very, very young. I missed being at home at Christmas but we made our own friends and traditions.

Fast Forward to 18 years later and both DD and DS are back in our home town and living in our house. All my family and DH's family are there so the first year for me without them was really terrible. I was an empty nester and my kids were having a wonderful Christmas with family. I had never felt so alone and I was pretty shitty to my DH the whole day. I woke up on 26th December 2012 (I think) and it was all over. I had been a shite to my DH because of what I thought I was missing. I realised that Christmas is what you make it. It is only one day.

Since then although I am not a fan of Christmas day I have 'suggested' what I want for the main on Christmas day. DH loves to cook and experiment, he always makes Scotch Broth and I always do dessert. This year he is doing Turducenqua - quail breast wrapped in chicken breast wrapped in duck breast wrapped in turkey breast and there is pate or stuffing or something inbetween! He has been searching for hints and recipes for months and we now actually have all the stuff in the freezer. If it goes well then fanbloodytastic, if not we will always have the soup and the roasted tatties and veg.

What I have tried to say OP is baby won't know and it's really only one day. Don't buy into the consumerism and the idea that Christmas is like the Hallmark Movies. Have a lovely day and I hope your LO enjoys scrunching the wrapping paper :)

To all Vegetarians who read this - I am sorry if I made you feel ill.
Merry Christmas to all

Thanks everybody for being nice and not accusing me of being materialistic.
I managed to find some other wee things for dsd that I know she will like that didn't leave my bank card crying in pain so just about to wrap them now with a wee glass of fizz! (If you drink enough of it lambrini can start to taste slightly like moet..)
Cheers!