Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

Is this shit or am I precious?!

106 replies

Grace1467 · 17/12/2015 09:29

DD 14 has secret Santa in her tutor group (there are only 10 in each group). DD went out at the weekend and picked a nice gift for her secret Santa. Anyhow they did it yesterday and they all handed out their gifts. DD didn't get handed one the tutor then said (in an apparently bitchy voice according to DD) "oh oops I forgot to put your name in the hat". So she sat and watched everyone else open theirs then cried in the toilets on the phone to me for ages.

I know this could have been a genuine mistake but DD is convinced this teacher hates her already and I'm slightly heartbroken for her. I know if it had been me I'd have felt a bit miffed as well.

OP posts:

Report

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/12/2015 09:58

No you're not being precious, that's horrible.

Tram10 · 17/12/2015 09:58

Unless the teacher included herself as the 10th person. Did your DD mention if the teacher got a gift?

I feel for you daughter, it's an easy thing to organise for 10 kids.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/12/2015 10:00

So confused as to how this could happen, for the same reason pp have said.

BertrandRussell · 17/12/2015 10:01

Actually, I don't see why the teacher would have a spare present for 14 year olds. But I also don't see why the teacher was involved at all in such a small group. Whole class, possibly, but a group of 10?

And why weren't the other girls up in arms about it?

I hope the OP is on the phone to the school as we speak to find out what happened.

MySordidCakeSecret · 17/12/2015 10:02

oh no, your poor dd i would ring the school i think, it's not on.

honeysucklejasmine · 17/12/2015 10:05

If I were the teacher I would be mortified! Your poor DD! It's highly unlikely her tutor doesn't know about her MH issues so even if it were unintentional, it was very poorly handled.

Veryflummoxed · 17/12/2015 10:05

Could you ring for a quiet chat to find out exactly what happened. Explain how this has affected your daughter and ask if you can take in a gift for the teacher to give her along with an apology?

slicedfinger · 17/12/2015 10:05

That is really horrible. DD is form captain, and has actually taken in a spare gift herself today, just incase this happens in their class. In a class of 10 there is no excuse at all.

Grace1467 · 17/12/2015 10:06

I'm hoping a present magically appears today. I did think when DD told me it was a dodgy idea as some may not have spare money or like whoevers name they get, could be a million reasons why but doesn't stop it being shit , just hopefully a shit mistake!

OP posts:

Grace1467 · 17/12/2015 10:07

The tutor definetly knows camhs have been into school twice.

OP posts:

Veryflummoxed · 17/12/2015 10:08

Whoops! Put this right

Besom · 17/12/2015 10:11

We do this at work and everyone has to hand them in day before so we check everyone has got something. And this is supposedly mature adults but people can get really upset. I think this teacher should be ashamed of herself. Poor dd.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 17/12/2015 10:11

I do agree with pp that firstly it's unlikely that the teacher holds a grudge against your dd, and secondly that even if she did then professionalism would prevent them from acting on it. However, teachers are human- imperfect, and it does occasionally happen that one is a grade A cunt bully.

I hope this was an unfortunate oversight and that the teacher does something thoughtful to make dd feel less wretched. I would feel glum as an adult if this happened, so I feel for your teen for having been publicly missed out, compounding suspicions that the teacher doesn't like her.

Has dd given you any other examples that she's interpreting as the teacher not liking her?

cjt110 · 17/12/2015 10:13

No thats poor on part of the teacher and shitty for your DD.

We did a secret Santa at work - gifts given out - one colleage got 2 and then the organiser "realised" she had made a mistake so I got someone elses carefully thought out gift. Just as shit as getting no gift at all.

IndridCold · 17/12/2015 10:16

Either it was deliberate or the teacher has totally screwed up.

She should have checked that all the names were in the hat before they were drawn out, she should have checked that everyone in the group had drawn a name, and she should have checked that all the presents were there before they were opened. When she spotted that one person had been missed out, she should have called a stop to the whole thing. There were only 10 FFS, it's not like it was a class of 30!

I find it staggering that a teacher would preside over a situation where one person in a group was excluded in this way, whether it was a mistake or not, and would be absolutely fuming certainly complain.

Grace1467 · 17/12/2015 10:18

She just said she's not warm towards her. She says she smiles at others and asks how they are, she says she always uses a stern voice when talking to her. DD is quite literal and thinks bubbly smiley people like her but the more stern teachers don't.

OP posts:

GoApeShit · 17/12/2015 10:20

That's really shitty.

I don't buy this 'maybe someone couldn't take part' angle; if that was the case and the teacher knew someone would be left out then the whole thing should have been scrapped.

cestlavielife · 17/12/2015 10:22

go and have quiet word with the tutor, politely to ask what really happened.point out that dd was really upset.

let dd talk about it at camhs.
have camhs develop some strategies with dd for when things go wrong and how to deal with it.

it's not good/nice at all, but you can make it up to dd.

Maryz · 17/12/2015 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BooyakaTurkeyisMassive · 17/12/2015 10:25

Teachers do pick on individual children sometimes. I had it relentlessly from one teacher at school and it was awful, soul destroying. I've since found out that she did it every year, singled out a whipping girl/boy and made their lives hell. So I don't really buy all this 'teachers wouldn't do that' crap. Teachers are just like the rest of us, some nice, some nasty.

I can't see how she could just have 'forgotten' when somebody would not have had a name. Ask DD if she got a present, I suspect the teacher may have substituted her own name for DDs.

Regardless, even if that wasn't the case it was very badly handled. At this time of year teachers are given plenty of stuff. She could at least have sacrificed a box of chocs for DD.

KittyVonCatsington · 17/12/2015 10:26

This is disgusting to hear! I always bring in a couple of extra Secret Santa presents for my Form in case a child is away or has forgotten, so that all pupils get a gift. I am so upset for your DD

BarbarianMum · 17/12/2015 10:29

At the OP's dd's expense (I'm talking feelings not monetary value of the gift)? Well, that's still shit.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

vEGANvERA · 17/12/2015 10:31

have you rang school?

Justaboy · 17/12/2015 10:32

No your not precious it must have been very needlessly upsetting for your poor daughter.

Why do older people like teachers know no better?.

Why?

MsButteryMash · 17/12/2015 10:38

Yes surely if you were the teacher and you'd genuinely messed up, you would say "Oh no I'm so sorry, there's been a mistake, don't worry I will sort out a santa present for you this lunchtime" or something. You wouldn't say "oops" and then sit and watch the unfairness and leave DD to suffer.

If one child couldn't afford it, well don't do it then, or keep it very minimal and the teacher sub it. It sounds like the teacher is a bitch at worst, massively insensitive at best. I'd have to say something.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.