To think saying "other people have it worse than you" is unhelpful and twatty?

[PiperChapstick]

I live in an area that was hit by floods last week. There's an extreme sadness in the community at the moment and I know various people who've lost everything. Most people round here do.

MILs colleague got flooded and lost everything downstairs. Even worse they've lost so much equity in their house they have had to pull out a sale, and their buyer understandably pulled out too.

He returned to work today and MIL said to him "It could be worse, it's only water, it's not like it's bombs." Well needless to say he wasn't happy and had a whinge to their boss, and MIL got a bit of a bollocking about being insensitive. She can't see what she did wrong. DH seems to agree with her.

AIBU to think that it's a twatty thing to say "it could be worse, you could be in (insert situation)" to someone suffering and that actually it's all relative when it comes to any situation - what might be a disaster to me may not be a disaster to you?

My condolences to you Ludhoole and to others on this thread. Some people are so stupid it beggars belief.

Feelings are not a competition, they're feelings. Twatbadgers who question your right to feel them are beneath contempt.

This^^

(Oh, and I'm glad the OP's MIL had it drawn to her attention)

I live overseas and there was some localised river flooding after 48hours solid rainfall six months ago. Whilst not affected myself, I get it that people have had their houses and possessions ruined. No one can understand the psychological impact of that unless they have lived through it. Or a fire or earthquake or unwanted destruction of any kind.

It was uncanny to see the Red Cross disaster management vehicles in town. As well as the Army manning checkpoints in case the public's curiosity got the better of it in flooded areas.

The police were making their presence felt with extra patrols just in case the local criminal fraternity thought they could make use of the confusion to commit crimes.

One not-so-bright robber did and robbed the local fast food outlet. It hadn't occurred to him that there was nowhere to escape to with the cash as the local roads were closed due to flooding. Doh !

Unless the people who have it worse are actually standing next to the person complaining, bawling their eyes out, it is a very unkind and dismissive thing to say. It implies they are being self-indulgent and their upset is unreasonable.

And as for meaning well, I suspect the people who come out with this stuff are either trying to shut the speaker up or just haven't thought at all. They don't mean well, do they? The most one could say is that they aren't being deliberately unkind, just socially inept.

It's dismissive and unfeeling. YANBU. I'm not sure I'd complain to a manager, but then unfortunately I had many years of my feelings being over ridden and negated as a child - so I actually struggle to assert / acknowledge my own stress and constantly aim to "suck it up". I have a wonderful friend with various serious health conditions. She is very good at noticing when I do need to talk about MY health and would always feel for someone struggling, without that "it's nothing, I have that on a good day" approach.
You can recognise something is hard to deal with. It's just human.

Any sentence that begins with 'at least...' should be banned!

I hate it. Any phrase used to diminish someone else's feelings pisses me off! "It could be worse" "count yourself lucky " etc etc...ugh!

I can't believe people compare special needs to cancer. It is almost like some people have no imagination how difficult life can be.

It's wrong to minimise such a traumatic event. Fair enough if he'd list his favourite jumper but not fair if he's had such a traumatic time and lost so much