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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is a thank you really too much?

12 replies

Jinsky · 15/12/2015 15:46

AIBU to think it is rude and disrespectful to not say thank you when someone cooks for you?
Background: DH was brought up in a family in which the cook is rarely thanked. When we eat at MIL's, I (and my dc) are the only ones who say thank you. If that is their family dynamics, fine.
When his family (usually 6 of them) come to us, I feed them for two days as they usually stay overnight and always do something nice for Sunday lunch - well, something that takes effort. I never know if they like it as they never comment on it and a thank you hardly ever passes their lips.
DH knows this winds me up. I was brought up saying thank you for food placed in front of me and he knows it is important to me. I do not expect to change his family's ways but it gets me that he rarely says thank you when I cook for just us and the dc. He thinks a thank you is just an empty ritual. Just words, I know, but manners do not cost anything. AIBU?

OP posts:

Kaytee1987 · 15/12/2015 19:04

Now you've said this maybe it is rude, DH cooks in our house and most of the time I say thanks but sometimes I don't. However he doesn't thank me for cleaning the bathroom or changing the bed, we just view cooking as a household chore. Maybe I will make more of a point of thanking him every time in the future, it's nice to be appreciative

MaidOfStars · 15/12/2015 19:08

When the food is presented: Oooh, thank you so much, it looks lovely.
When you've finished: Thanks, that was delicious. Let me help wash up, I insist.

This is normal, yes?

MaidOfStars · 15/12/2015 19:08

My husband and I always thank each other for cooking!

sofiahelin · 15/12/2015 19:10

Dc always say thanks when they've finished a meal. French lodger who never does & she sees dc saying it...it's like she just can't spit the words thank you out! She is extremely rude in various other ways too though so maybe just her...

BackforGood · 15/12/2015 19:10

I don't thank people for cooking the normal family meal, on the whole, and don't expect a thank you. When I do say it, then they know it's actually meant and I really did appreciate them doing it, and not just an empty habit. Same as I don't thank anyone for contributing to the running of the household generally - we all muck in - that's the way the world rolls round.

that said, If someone were hosting me for a meal or a weekend, then I would obviously thank them very much for their efforts - for the fact they have put themselves out to host me.

So I think it's 2 different questions really.

witsender · 15/12/2015 19:16

We always thank each other for each meal, it wouldn't cross our mind not to. Likewise the kids are taught to say thank you to whoever cooks for them. So it is a yanbu from me, thanking someone is just good manners.

EponasWildDaughter · 15/12/2015 19:19

I think i give enthusiastic thanks when the food is put in front of me (or i go get the plate, or whatever).

Not sure i remember to thank for cooking specifically when it's time to leave. I think at MILs i say 'thank you for having us all', or something similar, as we kiss/hug/leave. (there's 6 of us).

MrsKoala · 15/12/2015 19:32

Dh thanks me fir cooking and will comment specifically on something in the meal. So 'thanks this looks great' when its served and during 'oh these x are really good i like the way you've done y to them', then after 'that was lovely mrsk, thank you'. He also thanks me for any cleaning or household chores i do - 'oh wow, house looks amazing, you've worked really hard' or 'thanks for hoovering, it looks great' etc

my dad doesn't thank my mum and i feel its so rude.

MrsKoala · 15/12/2015 19:36

Don't you talk about the food while eating tho? So as the cook I'll say 'the lamb is from that new butchers and i did the delia Shrewsbury sauce with it' and people will say, 'oh its nice, I've heard that's a good butcher etc.

perhaps we are just greedy but we talk about the food we are eating while we are eating it.

BackforGood · 15/12/2015 23:28

Not usually - we would more normally talk about what's happened that day (usually personally, but occasionally something from the news), or, more normally, what the arrangements are for that evening, or the weekend, or the next day. It's the one time every day the family are in one place - we have a lot more to talk about than the jacket potatoes I've effortlessly lifted out the oven and on to the plate.

whois · 15/12/2015 23:38

I thank the cook for the food, and I expect some thanks as well.

In fact, I thank and like to get a thanks for little jobs around the home as well. "I've sorted out that annoying for hinge" would merit a thanks from me to DP. "I've ordered the supermarket shop and I'll be in to get it on Tuesday" would merit a thanks from DP n

MistressoftheYoniverse · 15/12/2015 23:51

We all thank each other...for various things, DH and DDs thank me when I cook a meal and I thank them what ever they do I taught DH to cook so it's been interesting seeing him develop his own style and confidence, some might find it a bit twee I suppose, but I think it's polite and lets everyone know they are appreciated for what they do.

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