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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he gets more time with family this Christmas?

48 replies

shesaminiaturephilosopher · 15/12/2015 13:13

DP and I are planning to share Christmas between our families, with him getting from the 22nd - midday 26th with his lot, and me getting the evening of the 26th - the 28th. He's decided that we've got to leave my parents early on the 28th, and wouldn't discuss staying longer, even though he basically gets four days and I get barely two.

I'm just a bit frustrated that my family doesn't get a look in. Any ideas to convince DP to at least stay until the evening of the 28th so I can see a friend?

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 15/12/2015 16:14

Wanting a few days at home is reasonable.

But that should come out of 'his families' time.

Suggest leaving his family late Christmas Day or early Boxing Day.

You don't have to convince him. Tell him you are staying and he can make his own way home.

It tell him you are leaving his parents on Boxing Day morning.

You can't force him to be with your family longer. But you can decide what you are doing yourself.

Physcobitch · 15/12/2015 16:25

What did you do last Christmas

Ipsos · 15/12/2015 16:41

The Christmas issue sounds like a symptom of the larger "moods" problem to me.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 15/12/2015 17:06

OP hasn't said why she can't stay whilst her partner goes home. I presume she isn't glued to her partner. A lot of people would be glad to have a day or so apart to do their own thing after being together 24-7 for a whole week.

Original poster

shesaminiaturephilosopher · 15/12/2015 20:45

Well, we've had a little chat tonight (he got home from work early and was cheery!) and I did say to him that I'd stay without him, but as soon as I suggested that he was a big fan of stopping with me!
We're mostly useless apart (have been since day one), so one of us going without the other wasn't really an option.
Cheers for the advice!

OP posts:

whois · 15/12/2015 20:52

We're mostly useless apart (have been since day one), so one of us going without the other wasn't really an option.

So glad I'm able to function with and without my DP as an adult.

CFSsucks · 15/12/2015 21:01

Agree whois. I think it's ridiculous two adults think they are useless without each other.

SpecialistSnowflake · 15/12/2015 21:26

I hope you have a good time OP.

Gottagetmoving · 16/12/2015 08:53

Useless apart? Oh, dear me,..

NerrSnerr · 16/12/2015 08:57

You're useless apart? Your thread is worrying, you shouldn't need to wait to see what mood someone is in to discuss something like this- that's not normal.

TeaFathers · 16/12/2015 09:43

what do you mean useless apart?
that sounds a bit pathetic to be honest.

Enjolrass · 16/12/2015 09:49

You are useless apart?

Wtf? Really?

You can't stay at your parents alone without him because you are useless apart?

What will happen when you are forced to stay apart? Like maybe for work? Or if you have a baby and you may need to stay in hospital overnight?

I have been with dh since I was 18 (and now mid thirties), I am fully functioning adult on my own.

Personally I don't think that's sounds very healthy.

But at least Christmas is sorted

TheSecondViola · 16/12/2015 09:55

Thats more than a little co-dependent. And its not going to work for ever.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 16/12/2015 10:26

I can understand some circumstances where a couple need to be together - if one is a carer for the other or if they have a disabled child who requires high level care, but the OP just sounds like she (or her DH) can't manage on her own for a day or two which is a bit pathetic.
The way in which she talks about needing her DH to be in a good mood to discuss things does make me wonder if he is a bit of a spoilt bullish man child who demands everything is done for him and if OP is just too afraid to say no.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 16/12/2015 10:31

I'm with enjo, useless apart!?

Brightnorthernlights · 16/12/2015 10:41

This does all sound a bit odd.

willconcern · 16/12/2015 10:43

Well, we've had a little chat tonight (he got home from work early and was cheery!)

OP, I am worried that you have to tip toe round your DH's moods like this. I have lived like that. It's soul destroying.

MorrisZapp · 16/12/2015 11:50

What an awful way for an adult to live.

Original poster

shesaminiaturephilosopher · 17/12/2015 10:27

It's more that I'm useless, I've been a bit ill since we've known each other and it makes it hard for me to go further than the shops on my own, so I don't want to be stuck with my family without him because I'm sure they'll say something about how I'm faking it and can do things for myself

DP's just been a bit grouchy recently because work has been a bit hectic - his project has just gone live and he's constantly on call.

OP posts:

starfishmummy · 17/12/2015 10:32

Hmmmm

Blacktealeaves · 17/12/2015 14:06

You are not useless! But between your family and dh someone is making you feel that way.

None of I sounds good op.

Enjolrass · 19/12/2015 05:32

So your family are awful about your illness?

And he is your carer?

Surely that answers the question of why he doesn't want to spend a lot of time there.

I would also question why you want to spend time with people who think you are faking.

Do you not work? Or are you that ill you can't?

londonrach · 19/12/2015 07:21

Depends on what has happened in previous years. For example the last two years we spent a day longer at my dpil but this year because of way xmas falls and the fact work has given a day off to dh we spend 2 days longer at my parents. Swings and roundabouts. What happened last year. Failing that can you stay on at your dm and df or leave boxing morning from dpil.

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