To feel down today

[Bahhumbuggeritall]

Nc. So tired, ds 9mo is teething again, after about a week of respite the broken nights have started again. Me and dp are so tired, it's almost time for me to return to work and I feel sick at the thought. I'm just exhausted after another bad night with ds. I can't be bothered to do anything, especially now it's freezing outside.
It's almost Xmas and I haven't got myself organised, I just can't find the motivation this year. If I could skip Xmas this year I would.. I just cannot be bothered.
I still haven't shifted my baby weight, if anything I feel bigger than I was a few months after ds was born. All my clothes are so tight. I was a 6 before pregnancy and now a 12 feels tight and it sounds so shallow but I miss being thin and feel confident in my clothes. I feel like my belly wobbles when me and dp have sex and he tells me I am gorgeous and sexy but my stomach flapping away makes me cry. He kisses my c section scar and tells me it's beautiful and where our son came from but I don't like it much.
All this combines and makes me cry at night. When I should be on top of the world and happy with my little boy and my beautiful family. And I am happy most of the time. These horrible feelings just creep up at night time when I'm lying in bed and keep me awake. I just want to shake all the worries from my head and enjoy my new life and role as mummy to my beautiful baby.

Things sound really hard right now. I wonder if you could access any support? GP/ Health visitor/IAPT? We all need help sometimes. Maybe it's best to nip this in the bud now before you go back to work. Can you take more time off?

This too will pass

Things will get better, just hang on in there. 9 months is still really young and it's bloody hard work!

Regards the weight, it took me about 2 years to get back to my previous size 8. It will happen. If you still don't feel comfortable in bed, you could wear sexy stuff to cover up bits you don't like.

Why not get yourself a good strong coffee, get yourself on to Amazon and blitz the Christmas shopping? No need to battle at the shops. The "I want one of those" website is really good too.

And maybe go out for Christmas dinner? No stress. No washing up.

We are going out for Xmas dinner, looking forward to that I suppose.
My ds is pretty easy to look after, I just feel like I have lost myself a bit if that makes sense. My body has changed, I'm not working at the moment and I'm not a full time mum.. I just feel like a completely different person! In some ways I have changed for the better. I feel more mature, I feel like I am gradually getting confident with my son and that feels amazing, but I also feel a bit boring sometimes. I'm worried dp looks at me and unstead of seeing the young woman he met he now sees a tired older looking mum. We chose sexy underwear for me to wear but my tummy hangs over its all. Have started doing sit ups but my tummy just feels so flabby.
Thanks for saying it took you two years to get back to your previous size, that makes me feel better, I thought it was taking me ages but now I feel that's ok if other women took longer aswell.

Sorry meant I AM a full time mum

Yeh, it really it does take ages! It doesn't help when you see all these celebs saying "Back in my size 6 jeans one week after Tarquin was born" or "I sprang back into shape in 24 hours!". Just. Shut. Up. They probably didn't eat right when they were pregnant and care more about their appearance than their baby! And the pics are airbrushed!

I also feel a bit boring sometimes. Work from home. Reading the paper helps and watching the news. Then you've always got something to contribute to conversations.

In your shoes, I'd get out with the pram and walk for a few miles a day. It'll help with the weight loss and boost your mood. Get into a good routine. Up, change baby, breakfast, 3 mile walk, read paper (if poss), lunch, afternoon nap.....

It's really hard work with a baby. No-one prepares you for it.

I remember feeling like this too - it really is very difficult, you are far from alone. It sounds like you are feeling you're not measuring up to an idea of motherhood, but in fact EVERYBODY with a baby feels awful sometimes, the tiredness can be a killer! The change in identity, and the changes in our bodies are really difficult to manage too. Without sounding too depressing, it might be that after a c-section (I've had two!) your stomach is never going to be back to how it was, so you're going to have to work out a way to be at home in a body that's changed. Your husband sounds lovely - do allow yourself to feel loved, and try to believe him when he says he thinks you are gorgeous, though I know that can be difficult when you're being very self-critical.

I know you are so tired that you can't see it at the moment, but going back to work might actually help things. Although it adds its own difficulties (guilt, particularly!) I found it really useful having a role that was different to wife/mother, and it was a place where I had more control over things. Good luck with everything, and I hope you get some sleep!