To think no help is sometimes better than crap help

[Guiltydilemma]

I read so many posts where people are getting stressed about the lack of help they get from family. I have no family near by that is hands on and because I'm used to this think it's easier because the expectation isn't there. My mother in law used to help when the wee ones were little but used to spend most of the time putting me down. The physical and mental work regarding looking after the kids is less work than the mental strain of having her help me...

Oh yes, totally. Unless the crap help can keep their mouth shut and be taught some simple task that they can't muck up, they might as well just go home.

We have useless people in work. It's irritating.

Absolutely! The idea of certain people coming over to 'help' me filled me with so much worry that I had to refuse. The comments about how tired I was and taking the baby off me because they mistakenly thought they could comfort the baby. Passive aggressive comments about my flat's level of cleanliness. If you can do it without them don't let them make your life harder or ruin this precious time with your little one.

Personally it depends who's giving the help. My husband is really bad at cleaning (way worse than he thinks he is) but I let him help because he's really enthusiastic about it in a way I'll never be, and takes positive criticism really well.

My mother in law, however, is quite happy to sit on her fat arse and accuse me of not dusting a particular corner or cooking in a particular way, and so now she gets ignored at best and screamed at, at worst.

Yanbu.

I'm envious of friends who have grandparents who are free and willing to provide childcare. But we don't. And I think even if they were free, it would come with a price, ultimately. My sanity, mainly.

So I shall wait until Mary Poppins comes on my doorstep.

Absolutely. The amount of cleaning needed before every visit and then the thinly veiled comments about how disgusting it still is. But I have to assume most mothers aren't like that.

Spacey your husband sounds positively tiggerish!

I'm in complete agreement, we genuinely don't have any family that would not make it a massive issue to "help"

Dsis is in fairness efficient and knows how it feels to be postpartum but she is massively overbearing and arrogant... This would result in a row of epic proportions rivalling the war of the roses occurring in roughly hour three as I told her to soddethh offeth and get her hind out of my damn door

Dm is uncannily blessed with the ability to make anything about her and has elevated passive aggressiveness to an art form of which she is the Leonardo da Vinci .... So she would fill the house with loaded sighs based on the fact I haven't muzzled the cats around the baby and then spend three hours explaining why my emergency c section was the same as her hangnail.... Again soddethh offeth

Mil.... Bwahaha ha her trying to help us would be akin to genghis Khan offering to kitten sit ... You know things will end with someone being scalped

So yep... On balance being at home today for the first time alone with ds1 3 years old and ds2 3 weeks ..... Having to figure out how to convince them to nap at the same time so I get some sanity is far preferable to the above options lolol