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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you don't have a baby/toddler...

48 replies

jorahmormont · 14/12/2015 06:29

You don't need a changing table when you go swimming, and should use one of the millions of other changing rooms available?

We are at butlins and went swimming yesterday. They have limited baby change tables anyway, but as we tried to find an empty one, we saw a woman with her two kids - about 7 and 9 - going in and piling up their stuff on the baby change tables.

I couldn't work out if I was BU or not to think that's pretty selfish and shitty? There are loads of individual changing rooms and loads of big family sized changing rooms without changing tables free. Why would someone do this? Sheer selfishness or am I missing something?

(For context we couldn't use a normal changing room as DD would roll off one of the benches, and isn't steady enough on her feet to get dressed standing up as we think she's hypermobile so we did need a baby change table).

OP posts:
Shannaratiger · 14/12/2015 06:32

YANBU some people are just selfish and inconsiderate. I would have told her to move because you actually need the changing table!!

bittapitta · 14/12/2015 06:34

Some people just don't think beyond the end of their nose. It would not have been rude to ask for that cubicle as she was unpacking if there were no others left with a baby change table, just brightly tell her that.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/12/2015 06:35

Yes YANBU

DeepBlueLake · 14/12/2015 06:52

YANBU. Some people just don't think or are self-absorbed.

I would have asked her to move if there was no other table free.

Heaps of people with no small children used the baby tables at a pool I use to go to regularly.

Original poster
jorahmormont · 14/12/2015 07:28

She was really screaming at the kids already so I didn't want to add to her stress/aggression by asking her to move. Plus I wasn't sure if I was BU or not anyway hence this thread!

OP posts:
Giraffescandance1 · 14/12/2015 07:51

Yanbu.

Sirzy · 14/12/2015 07:56

Yanbu.

But - was it clearly marked as a baby changing room? Otherwise was it possible she simply hadn't realised that they don't all have a changing table in? Actually you would have to wonder why all the larger/family changing rooms don't!

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 14/12/2015 07:57

I might have been that person last year when I went to Butlins (minus the screaming at the kids). We had two older kids and used a family changing room with a changing table when we were at Butlins. There is a reason though - one of the children has a hidden disability (although his disability is very obvious if you spend more than 60 seconds in his company) and needs both me and DH to support him with changing and reducing his anxiety levels. I am now wondering if people were judging us for taking up a family cubicle but we really didn't have much choice as the disabled cubicles were occupied (think there was only two of them).

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 14/12/2015 07:59

Sirzy - At Butlins all of the larger cubicles contain changing tables. The other cubicles are really tiny and an adult would struggle to get changed with one child in with them.

Sirzy · 14/12/2015 08:24

The op said that wasn't the case.

But if all the family changing rooms do have them then that's different and of course the person who was using it was fine to use it.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 14/12/2015 08:35

But if one of the children had a hidden disability then the OP probably wouldn't be able to tell. People make too many assumptions, I know that because I am often on the receiving end of assumptions.

TheSecondViola · 14/12/2015 09:28

Oh fgs, someone just used a room. Since it was years since the woman had a baby it likely didn't occur to her, thats all. She just walked into the nearest vaguely suitable changing room.
I know on here every single thing someone does is vile, or selfish, or she's a bitch, but in real life, people just do shit and get on with their days. You could have just said excuse me could I use that one please, I need the table, there is another you could use over there.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 14/12/2015 09:47

Apologies sirzy I have just realised that when you said 'that wasn't the case' you were talking about the cubicles having changing tables. I don't know if OP was at a different Butlins to the one I was at but when I went all of the larger cubicles had changing tables and all of the other cubicles were teeny.
I agree with viola when she says that the woman just used the nearest suitable room.

DamsonInDistress · 14/12/2015 10:09

Sadly in our local pool all the large family changing rooms have a changing table in, so if you don't have a baby/toddler but you still need a family room, it means you're potentially taking one up from a family with a baby. And there are only six such rooms in the whole changing village as they call it now. Which makes the after school swimming lessons fun - 10 kids to a lesson and usually four simultaneous lessons!!! God knows how it all works but thankfully I've not seen fisticuffs yet!

Sirzy · 14/12/2015 10:12

Yes iam I was talking about the tables not the hidden disabilities.

If all the family cubicles don't have changing tables then I would say that's an issue to take up with that Butlins really as I doubt the mother thought it was anything to look for.

Ds is 6 and can't change himself and won't be able to for a long time so we will need the family changing area for a while so I certainly wasn't commenting on that bit!

Original poster
jorahmormont · 14/12/2015 10:35

I was at Minehead. Loads of huge family sized rooms but four in the entire pool complex with an actual changing table in them.

Obviously I had no idea if they had hidden disabilities etc but there were loads of rooms the exact same size, just without a changing table in them. Changing table is for 11kg or less so no chance she was using it to change one of her kids if they were disabled.

Obviously no one was hurt, no major issues, we just waited our turn and she looked pretty sheepish when she came out. It's more one of those things where you think about it hours later as a "would I have been a dick to say something?".

Minehead Butlins is lacking in baby change facilities everywhere really.

OP posts:
Original poster
jorahmormont · 14/12/2015 10:37

It wasn't the nearest suitable room either - she had to walk past all the individual cubicles and all the other large family cubicles which were empty to the baby change one. But regardless it's me overthinking and at least I wasn't BU for thinking she was being a little thoughtless.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 14/12/2015 10:59

How do you cope when you go somewhere with a changing table?

I have never got the point of them tbh and only think that they are potentially dangerous thing. Straps or no straps. Or when they are over 11kg but still in nappies?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/12/2015 12:19

YNBU and the staff should be there making sure the changing tables for to the right people.
Some people are just me me me.

Original poster
jorahmormont · 14/12/2015 13:00

We've never been to a pool without a changing table Red. I suppose if we did OH would have to change her on the floor but I certainly couldn't.

OP posts:
TheSecondViola · 14/12/2015 13:20

Everyone is thoughtless, all day long. Because you can't live your life considering every one elses point of view for every tiny decision. You're thoughtless, OP, in a hundred ways you never notice.
When you get out of the pool you don't look at all the options available and then weigh up everyone elses needs to each combination of setups. You just walk into the nearest one that suits you. You know how many had changing units because you needed one, she didn't and likely neither knew nor really cared how many there were.

This is not selfishness, or meanness, or anything to do with you. We might all think the universe revolves around us but its not everyone elses responsibility to work out what you might need and make sure its ready for you.

Original poster
jorahmormont · 14/12/2015 14:39

Umm... I wasn't suggesting the world should revolve around me TheSecond. She had to walk past every other changing room to get to the one with the changing unit, which she pulled down and plonked all her stuff onto before she closed the door.

What you described - "she didn't and likely neither knew nor really cared how many there were" - it's not mean but it's selfish, isn't it? It's like using a parent and toddler space for your NT 12 year old - yes it's provided out of courtesy, yes it doesn't hurt anyone and it's just a bit annoying to have to stand there and wait because you can't use any other cubicle, but the person who blocks it up when she could use any other cubicle is still selfish.

(Also she wasn't getting out of the pool, she was going in. Had we been getting out of the pool I would've said something, as I wouldn't wait outside a cubicle while DD shivered).

OP posts:
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 14/12/2015 14:47

I imagine she spied an empty room and went in, I doubt she even registered the changing table beyond it being something to dump the bags on.

If I went with DD1 I can't honestly say I would see a baby changing table and think oh, I better leave this room in case the other rooms don't have them and someone needs one.

If you wanted it, you should have said would you mind swapping, only I could really use a table for the baby and ours doesn't have one. It would take a real arsehole to object to a reasonable request like that.

I really don't see how she was unreasonable at all.

Samcro · 14/12/2015 14:49

i would use one if I needed the extra space, they are just accessible changing rooms after all.

TheSecondViola · 14/12/2015 15:18

No, its not the same thing. It's only selfish in the sense of considering her own needs above yours, which we all do any number of times a day.
When you are parking you car, do you always go to the outer edge of the car park in case the person behind you needs the ones closer to the shops? Do you consider their needs before you park? I bet not. When you take a seat near the aisle in the cinema, do you wonder if someone else might come in after you and need that seat? No, you don't. When you take the last loaf of bread in the shelf do you wonder if the next shopper wanted it to?

Nope. You get on with what you need. Thats not selfish or unreasonable.