To not want a referral to Social Services?

[Treesandbees]

I've recently been diagnosed with PND. I've been having a tough time since the birth of my 2 DC (I have a 2.5 yo and 5mo). DD has been quite ill and the toddler just hard work. No family nearby to support so I've struggled. GP has been fantastic but referred me to community mental health but have referred me to social services. I don't really understand why. They said it was for support but I'm worried that the children are going to be taken away. Anyone know what this means?

I used to be a social worker and we often had referrals for children with Mums with PND and parents with other types of depression. The reason you'll have been referred will be to provide you with support - to make things easier for you and your kids and help you to get better. I know (and your social worker will know) that being referred to Social Services is scary anyway, as there is a lot of stigma. However as a PP mentioned, we're not just interested in the cases which make headlines, we're there for people who really just need a bit of support for a while too. Please don't pretend everything's ok for your SW, s/he's really not there to take your kids away, only to put things in place to make things better for you all. Perhaps try to think of things you find particularly tough or things you'd like a bit of support with before they come to visit you. When I was a social worker we always viewed asking for help as a positive, constructive thing, so please don't be afraid to ask for it. Good luck with your referral, I hope things start to look up for you soon.

Honestly don't worry!

I was referred to social services by the school after one of children tried to strangle the other (severe disabilities and mental health issues). I begged for the referral, I begged for support and I told social services that I felt unable to keep my other children safe.

They did one visit, told me there was no support available and have never seen them since, that was 7 years ago. Luckily we worked through the behaviour ourselves with time but they literally couldn't have cared less.

Thank you everyone. I guess I don't really understand what SS do so just panicked! I really could do with some practical support so if they can offer something like that then I will embrace it.

Hi Trees- good to hear you're feeling a bit more positive about it all.

It's totally understandable to panic like that, but what I would suggest is, in preparation for the social worker making contact, have a think about what you think the main challenges are for you, and what you think could make a difference? You're the expert in your life, so you're best placed to tell SS how they can help you.

Obviously some of it may not be possible/be within their remit/depend on resources, but it'll be a good starting point. I'm always so impressed with families that are like 'here's where the problems are, this is what help we think we could benefit from'. Our opinions may differ at points about what the issues are etc, but it shows that they're on board with making it a positive experience and worthwhile for the children. Good luck with it all!

I doubt you'll see an actual social worker. They're pretty rare these days (we have one who is a godsend, but ds1 needs 24 hour 2:1 care - we tend to talk weekly at least at the moment as his needs are significant - but it was a long time before we got one). They will be able to signpost/refer you to any support agencies though - home start have already been mentioned & may be ideal.