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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to dislike Christmas

37 replies

hartmel · 12/12/2015 06:06

I have been married to this wonderful man. He has become my best friend but is also my husband and the father of our two beautiful children..
Anyways my parents have never accepted him as my partner. I don't know why. So the last two years I have been visiting my parents alone with my kids as DH just does not want to go there.. (We have been married for 5 years now)

Anyways 3 years ago we have decided that we wanted to move oversea and that Christmas my parents asked us if it was alright if they could invite my uncle and aunt with their children the same day as we would have our Christmas gathering. I told my parents that I don't agree as it might the last Christmas we have together as family before we would move and didn't want to have extended family there.. They weren't happy but where ok..
Anyways when we arrived at my parents house on Christmas Day they didn't mention anything but at 5 pm my mom got up and said she has to set the table for coffee and cake and that at 6 pm my extended family would come.
So even that they agreed to our wishes they still went behind our back and invited them.. So DH and I got upset and said good bye and started to leave well my dad didn't even look at me and when I went to him to say good bye (we always hug) he gently pushed me away.
Since then my parents have always done whatever they wanted. Always expected us to come on short notice. Or deciding everything with my brother and his wife and at the end when I tell them I can't come because I'm busy. They get upset and tell me that they discussed it with everyone about what they had planed. They never have.
They expect us to come and visit them even in winter time when it is minus 30 outside I have to pack up my kids (who are now 2 and 1 years old) just so they can see them..

Since then we have escaped Christmas time. Always booked a trip

Now Christmas is just days away and they still haven't talked to us what they are planning it will be again a last minute decision and we have to agree or they will not talk to us for a couple days..

I so want for my kids to have a good Christmas with their grandparents but every year I just have that picture in front of me where my dad pushed me away because he was so mad at me for not staying.. All I wanted was to have Christmas with just my family not extended family (I didn't know at that time but I was pregnant with our first baby)

We never moved due to me being pregnant and having some difficulties..

Sorry it got this long...
Only my husband knows about it as he saw it and I tried talking to my parents but they don't understand how I feel..

OP posts:
ColdTeaAgain · 12/12/2015 17:58

You don't get on with your family so just do what you want at Christmas as it sounds like either way you will fall out anyway.

Leelu6 · 12/12/2015 19:32

Spilose and Topseyt

Are you really this obtuse? OP never had a birthday party because everyone celebrated her uncle's instead.

This is beyond being 'miffed'. This is the kind of thing that damages a child's self-esteem for ever.

YANBU, OP. Don't listen to the dicks on here. Do what makes you happy.

Your parents appear to prioritise your uncle more, so you should prioritise hoir DH and kids.

Leelu6 · 12/12/2015 19:32

*your not hoir!

TheCuttingRdge · 12/12/2015 20:10

So 3 years ago you told them they couldn't invite people to their house as it might be your last one together. When they don't do exactly what you want you run off in a stop. Yet, 3 years later you clearly haven't moved.

You basically emotionally blackmailed them on a total falsehood.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 12/12/2015 20:30

I can understand you being upset about birthday parties as a kid (although maybe some saw it as a joint celebration?) totally. I never had my birthday celebrated either.

However, telling your parents what to do in their own home is ridiculous and disrespectful. You have no right to tell them they cannot invite who they choose and you cannot emotionally blackmail them like you did.

You also need to grow up if you threw a strip and left because they in it d their family to their home for Christmas!

Regarding your mother giving her leftovers to the dog (did you ask if she'd done this or are you assuming btw?) instead of running around to you, so what? Tough. It's not as if you are on your own with no other options, is it? You have a husband and I presume you also have the ability to make a phone call or use the internet to order a take away.

Time to grow up. You are not a child, have no right to make demands or your parents and for flip sake, as a grown woman and mother you should be able to look after yourself without thinking your mum should drop left overs to you because you feel sick!

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 12/12/2015 20:32

*strop and invited, respectively. Darn phoneBlush

FreeSpirit89 · 12/12/2015 20:37

It sounds like a rather large to do about nothing, its your parents christmas too. Maybe they wanted to see there brother? To be honest it doesn't sound unreasonable, they invited them over later in the evening? So you still had time with them, sounds like they tried to compromise. Although they should have told you first, but i certainly wouldnt have been able to tell my parents who to have over there house.

shebird · 12/12/2015 21:18

Why do people feel the have to spend Christmas day with people who we don't really get along with and get really stressed and annoyed on what's supposed to be a day of happiness and festivities. You need to make your own happiness in this life OP. Time to grow up, let go of the past and make the best of your own family .

Asheth · 12/12/2015 21:44

OP, just do what you want to do at Christmas and don't worry about your parents. If they want to see their DGC they can come to you. If they stop talking to you is that really a loss? If they are rude do your DH then I don't know why you would want to talk to them.

Your DC will have a great Christmas if you focus on making it magical for them and stop worrying about your parents.

Mmmmcake123 · 12/12/2015 22:23

The issue with your dh is relevant but not clear. Are they rude to him? Does he try to build a relationship?
If they just can't stand him then you need to address this, making demands and stropping clearly isn't working.
They may not agree to tolerate him but then you need to make it clear they are putting you under pressure and it hurts.
If dh is not willing to engage, tell him the same, poor you xx

Topseyt · 12/12/2015 22:25

Yes Leelu, I absolutely fully understood all of that first time and without the need for further explanation from you.

The only problem I see is that perhaps not enough emphasis was put on it being a joint celebration.

Unless it was part of a wider cycle of neglect then it is melodramatic to suggest that it could scar a child for life. Bollocks.

Leelu6 · 13/12/2015 15:12

Topseyt - clearly you haven't understood as you've just invented an addional detail - that supposedly they were a 'joint celebration'. OP never said this.

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