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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think if DH hears the DC he should bloody well go himself not wake me up to tell me!!

50 replies

bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/12/2015 07:05

I'm pretty fuming having just been robbed of an hour's sleep by an able bodied man child.

I have spent years sleep training our dd1(3.5) who has a gro clock in her room, plus a chart for Santa to know if she slept till the clock went yellow. Her door is left open so she gets out of bed and comes into my room and wakes me up when the clock is yellow (or often before). This is for her benefit as well as mine as she gets tired and cranky if she gets up early but won't nap any more.

So this morning I am blissfully asleep when DH rudely prods me awake to say he can hear dd1 shouting. I ask if he can hear what she's saying and he says no. I look at the time and it is over an hour until she should be awake so I go in, she's saying cuddle, i tell her the clock is going to be blue for a long time and she should try to go back to sleep and give her a cuddle. This all takes less than a minute.

I get back into bed only to have DH start talking to me (presumably because I'm awake anyway Hmm ) I settle down to try and see if I can manage to doze back off then DH gets out of bed and his phone lights up. I say are you getting up now? And he says yes. "Then why the fuck did you wake me up?" He snarls: "Because I have to go to fucking work!" Bollocks, it took me less than one minute to go in to dd1, and he was still in bed when I got back. He knows the gro clock rules, it's not like he thought I would be in there for an hour.

Aibu to expect a grown man to go tend to his own DD when he hears her and he is about to get up anyway, not wake his sleeping wife so she can go?! I would probably be asleep now if it had been DD walking me up herself, the reason I lost an hour's sleep is because I'm so furious at dh!

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 11/12/2015 07:07

My DH - with hearing that can hear a mouse in the barn down the lane - never heard our DC when they woke in the night. Xmas Hmm It's long ago now, and I can smile, but at the time I could have murdered him!

ididntsignupforthis1 · 11/12/2015 07:10

My dh used to 'accidentally' kick me while turning over and 'snoring',to wake me up when he heard dd wake up in the night.

Enjolrass · 11/12/2015 07:13

I have done this. But only if I have been up loads.

Yeah that's really annoying. Maybe he was desperate for his last 10 minutes in bed?

I have done that too. 'Dh I have to get up soon, please go sort ds'

TheHouseOnTheLane · 11/12/2015 07:15

OP here's what I did. When mine reached the age of 3 upwards I simply refused to go to them unless they were ill. If they yelled persistently, I would go and tell them off and that sorted that out!

Offering cuddles...NOPE! It only means they keep this up.

BastardGoDarkly · 11/12/2015 07:15

Oh god, I so hear you. I've got an important, long day today. DD got me up 3 x in the night, I managed 4 hours broken sleep, at 5.30 she got up once and for all, dh normally gets up at this time or just after. She was shouting at the top of her voice, so I had to get up, so she didn't wake DS.

Not even 5 fucking minutes passed, and dh got up Angry AND he had the cheek to huff and puff about, I barely spoke to him, as if he'd said he was tired I may have linched him.

Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/12/2015 07:18

He had an hour before he needed to leave so plenty of time to deal with her and get ready. I wouldn't have minded if he had tried and failed and come to get me to take over as he needed to get ready, it was the fact it was automatically my job even though I was dead to the world and he was awake. I went without question initially so that he could maximise his sleep, but when he started chatting to me then got up I was pretty incredulous!

OP posts:
Sighing · 11/12/2015 07:19

Hmm my ex used to do what he could to surreptitiously wake me whilst pretending to sleep. Or helpfully tell me one was awake .... he even pretended to have "already tried for an hour to settle" on one occasion. He hadn't realised I was awake and had been from his flipping snoring for sometime (and daughter was happily babbling to herself).
I am going to be very short with poor dh if he tries this on "his" nights in the future.

Sighing · 11/12/2015 07:20

Send him a card with "if you love someone let them sleep" on the front.

Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/12/2015 07:23

The house on the lane the thing is I don't go into her usually, her door is open so she can come and get me. If she was shouting for anyone's benefit it was Dhs as she knows I won't stand for it! It was a very quick cuddle, I primarily went in and told her off, then told her to roll over and go back to sleep and gave her a quick hug.

OP posts:
Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/12/2015 07:23

Signing Grin

OP posts:
icklekid · 11/12/2015 07:24

I wouldn't have gone though I would have told dh to sort her out and rolled over. He didn't have to because you sorted her so next time he will do the same again...

Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/12/2015 07:25

I wouldn't even have minded if he had "accidentally" woken me up and I'd heard her. It was the bloody cheek to openly wake me up, send me off, then say I'm getting up now anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/12/2015 07:29

icklekid not after the ear bashing I just went and gave him.

He was drinking lucozade and there was a boozy smell from his side of the bed so I assume he is hungover. That was why I initially went- I thought he might be sleeping it off- had I known he was getting up anyway I wouldn't have gone willingly

OP posts:
LittlestLightOnTheTree · 11/12/2015 07:33

Do you normally both start the day off by swearing?

HeteronormativeHaybales · 11/12/2015 07:40

YANBU about the waking.

You might be BU to your dd though (I know this isn't the topic of the thread). She sems to be an early waker and it's hard for a child that young to stay awake, quiet and alone for long. Have you considered putting her bedtime back? And I honestly wouldn't use Santa to enforce compliance. If she can't manage it (and it may well be can't, not won't) she'll be miserable in te run-up and then you can't follow through anyway (surely??)

KakiFruit · 11/12/2015 07:41

I wouldn't have gone. I'd have said "oh, is she? You'd better go and see what she wants, then" and gone back to sleep.

Catsize · 11/12/2015 07:45

OP here's what I did. When mine reached the age of 3 upwards I simply refused to go to them unless they were ill. If they yelled persistently, I would go and tell them off and that sorted that out!

Offering cuddles...NOPE! It only means they keep this up.

Wow, that's Sad

BoringlyRestrictive · 11/12/2015 07:52

My STBXH does this, but not with dd (3) who is in her own room. He will moodily and huffily insist on going into her and spending anything up to an hour laying on her bed, talking to her, trying to persuade her etc etc. Then when none of that works he comes and tells me in an exasperated hard done by way that she is refusing and he has tried everything and it's not fair cos he has to work etc etc. So I go in, give her a super quick kiss and cuddle, tuck her in tell her it's night and she has to wait for the sun (gro clock also!) to call again. Works almost everytime!

DS however is 15months and still in our room. If he wakes, then STBXH will wake me no matter how deeply asleep I am and say 'DS is awake' and I'm like 'really? You can't just get up and walk 2 feet to his cot???'

fucking twat

ladymariner · 11/12/2015 08:10

He was going to work, wasn't he? it's not like he he refused to get up so he could have a lie in. I think YABU

Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/12/2015 08:16

STBXH does this, but not with dd (3) who is in her own room. He will moodily and huffily insist on going into her and spending anything up to an hour laying on her bed, talking to her, trying to persuade her etc etc. Then when none of that works he comes and tells me in an exasperated hard done by way that she is refusing and he has tried everything and it's not fair cos he has to work etc etc. So I go in, give her a super quick kiss and cuddle, tuck her in tell her it's night and she has to wait for the sun (gro clock also!) to call again. Works almost everytime

This is precisely the case in our house. I think the reason he wanted me to go is because he would have pandered to her instead of going in and out like I do

OP posts:
Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/12/2015 08:19

Do you normally both start the day off by swearing no, not usually but yes when he deliberately upsets my sleep. I think he swore because I had and because he was hungover

OP posts:
Original poster
bedraggledmumoftwo · 11/12/2015 08:21

Ladymariner, yes he was going to work. But it was because he had to get up for work anyway that it was so unnecessary and inconsiderate of him to wake me up when he was already getting up. When I thought it was so he could lie in I was more understanding! And he lives in a hotel Monday to Thursday so he is hardly hard done by if he did get up to her five minutes early one day a week

OP posts:
WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 11/12/2015 09:46

"I wouldn't have gone. I'd have said "oh, is she? You'd better go and see what she wants, then" and gone back to sleep."

Me too.

CassieBearRawr · 11/12/2015 09:55

I'd have told him to deal with her too.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 11/12/2015 09:59

Cat no :( needed here thanks. My DC are both extremely happy and loved.

What a patronising post just because someone parents differently!

I work extremely hard to pay bills and need sleep. That's that. Should I martyr myself to a child who understands that sleep time is sleep time unless sick or on the weekend? No. I'd rather have my sleep.

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