Far from the modern childfree wedding, I have the opposite problem. Family wedding, the big extravagant sort - fancy venue, nice outfit, meal, drinks, dancing! - but they are insisting I bring my three kids (all under 7). Even more, they want them to take roles in the wedding like bringing rings, throwing petals and possibly being flown in on doves, I can't quite recall.
The eldest was investigated for ASD due to his complete inability to deal with change, unfamiliar locations and crowded rooms and the meltdowns that ensued. He's getting better at managing these episodes. While he took some deep breaths and said he could handle the wedding if necessary, he has no desire to wear a full on suit and tie, nor be the centre of attention. The middle one, in the full throes of the F-ing Threes - is a delight until you ask her to do something, or even just hint you'd like her to do something, and then she turns into Verucca Salt - "I will NOT!" - so even pleasant things like toddler dance or playgroup sing-songs result in tantrums so wild she once had a nosebleed. The idea of her doing this in the aisle is giving me a rash. She may grow out of it by the time the bells chime. And the youngest is, well, two. Or will be. No explanation needed.
After accidentally laughing at their eagerness to include the wee darlings, I politely wondered aloud if it might be nicer to not bring them, and then DH and I can enjoy a rare night out - drinks! Talking! Meeting-and-greeting! Inappropriate flirting with bridesmaids/groomsmen (kidding, kidding) - but they were all horrified. Oh no. Next to the bride, these kiddos - the only children likely to be at the wedding - will be the centre of attention. Everyone's DYING to see them!
But, really? It's DH's family. Even if he did take over the babysitting role I'd be mingling amongst strangers explaining over the music who I was, and a lot of these distant relatives are there to smush DH's cheeks too and tell him how much he's grown. So what's in it for me? Babysit the little ones all night in glittery trainers, perhaps, then taxi back to the hotel for a nice 8pm bedtime?
I know I can do whatever I want, but how best to handle this diplomatically? The relatives are cooing over increasingly frou-frou outfits and Pinterest-inspired ideas for what children can do at weddings, and while those are deeply unlikely to happen, even just attending with them is going to feel, for me, like a regular ol' Mom-day with fewer toys, fancier clothes and delicious cocktails just out of my reach.