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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overwhelmed and can't carry on

13 replies

leavemealone2015 · 07/12/2015 23:15

I am under a lot of pressure at work ATM . Working far from home long hours and my bosses are being really critical and angry to the point of unpleasantness and when I try to defend myself I am criticised for not taking the criticism on board. But there is no specific criticism I can fix , it's not clear what the problem is . This has been going on for weeks and I am feeling really fed up about it now. I am a really good worker and have always been extremely well thought of. They don't care about work life balance and I really feel they have got it in for me. It makes it even worse that I can't really leave..if I were to take time off with stress that would inevitably count against me in terms of references and employment offers. I feel really stuck . In addition I usually love work and use it to get away from my negative and critical dh. It seems like everything is falling apart. Why has my life turned into such a mess.

OP posts:
Cutecat78 · 07/12/2015 23:17

Can you go to your GP and get signed off for a week with stress - so you can regroup?

Cutecat78 · 07/12/2015 23:18

Sorry didn't read thread properly!!!

Can you take a few days off with a bug? How long can you self certify for?

ProfessorPreciseaBug · 07/12/2015 23:21

I feel for you.

I went through something like that about six years back. I was getting nasty, argumentative, bad tempered.... and that was a good day. I was making mistakes at work and couldn't sleep.

In the end a GP signed me off work for a month. Do you have anyone who you can talk to?

Original poster
leavemealone2015 · 07/12/2015 23:26

I think they are bullying and at fault. But right now I'm exhausted and although this week they have improved I feel quite humiliated about what has happened and not sure I can get through it. Today I just lost my fighting spirit. My dh doesn't believe in me, my bosses have got it in for me and I'm not sure I believe in myself anymore. I feel like if I actually do make a mistake now it's a really big deal because I haven't done anything wrong so far and I have out up with loads of abuse from them already.

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 07/12/2015 23:26

negative and critical DH so basically you're getting it in the neck at home and at work?
Which would be the easiest to sort out?

Original poster
leavemealone2015 · 07/12/2015 23:30

I just feel like I've lost it all of a sudden. What's the point of anything ? I can't win with dhs shit can't win at work and I try so hard. All I ever do is work and try. I do everything at home dh gives me no credit and constantly puts me down. Work has been my escape. Now all of a sudden I have two bully boys constantly having a go at me at work. I'm sure I am just a middle aged woman who doesn't matter to them. They don't see me as important. They don't think I will retaliate.

OP posts:
Original poster
leavemealone2015 · 07/12/2015 23:42

Giddy I can't sort either out. I try but now it's as if everything is falling apart and I feel as if I am falling to pieces.

OP posts:
Morganly · 08/12/2015 00:21

You need to find another job and leave your husband.

Easy for me to say, much harder to do. But it's the truth, isn't it?

BeeePeee · 08/12/2015 00:37

Being bullied at work is horrendous and stressful. Unless you have a union or supportive hr department who can help you address it then you need to find another job. Take a few days off work, say you've got a stomach bug.

Would your dh listen if you said you are unwilling to put up with his behaviour any longer?

Do you have friends or family who can support you?

ProfessorPreciseaBug · 08/12/2015 08:03

What sort of work do you do and what sort of organisation is it?

tobysmum77 · 08/12/2015 08:51

It sounds like teaching to me, if not it has a similar culture.

Right firstly taking a short sick leave will not harm future employment prospects. Your nasty bullying environment wants you to believe that. Any normal boss would be horrified if a member of their team was off with work related stress. But then how likely would that be??? I've never ever heard of it happening in the company I work.

The issue with being signed off sick is it won't solve the problem. There are two ways of doing so, either find a new job or face the issues head on by raising a grievance today. That way at least if you have to go off sick the wheels are in motion.

And LTB seriously, cleanse the whole lot in one go and start afresh.

Original poster
leavemealone2015 · 08/12/2015 22:29

I have discussed with my mentor / trainer who will feedback to the powers that be once I have moved depts. I am going to try to keep my chin up.

OP posts:
Morganly · 08/12/2015 23:32

Well done. Department move sounds hopeful. Are you happy about it? How long do you need to keep your chin up for?

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