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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my son aged 5 to play non-computer games with his friend?

49 replies

jollyfrenchy · 06/12/2015 15:48

DS has a friend who he absolutely loves, they've known each other since nursery. They are both 5. DS is very keen on playing Disney Infinity, Lego PS4 games etc, and his friend is totally obsessed. Friend just came round to play and the moment he walked through the door he said "Can we play PS4?" When I suggested they play with actual toys/scooters/board game etc first they reluctantly went upstairs for a bit and then outside for a bit but punctuated their play with asking "Can we play PS4 yet?"

When DD1 was this age she wasn't into computer games, but I never let her watch telly when friends were round. Now, do I just think, "This is what they love to do together, let them", or do I try to restrict their screen time and make them do other things?

When DS goes round to his friend's house he comes home saying all he did was play computer games (which he thinks is brilliant). I also once picked him up and he was watching the Lego Movie, it was near the beginning, but she said they'd already watched it all through once and it had started again!

Obviously don't want to criticise the other mum's parenting, and I'm not that precious about screen time , but I do try to stop mine staring at screens all day long. What would you do? They are very cute together and do really like each other (still call each other best friend despite being at different schools) so I don't want to stop them having playdates.

OP posts:

TheSconeOfStone · 06/12/2015 19:49

Neither my 5 or 8 year old know what a PS4 is. The oldest has a 3DS. The youngest isn't interested. I'm not anti screens as we have a desk top, lap top, smart phones, Innotab and the 3DS but when friends come round they are too busy playing and showing off their toys for screens. Even our most tech savvy friends don't play screens on play dates although I'm sure this will change as they get older.

My two like to play with their friends but we'll often put the TV on if it gets too hectic. I live in a very uncool area though where lots of kids either can't afford tech or parents limit it.

SummerNights1986 · 06/12/2015 19:50

I am clearly very naive. My 5 year old DS doesn't know what a PS4 is

I'd wager he's your oldest

I'll take that bet

I'm pretty sure that ds1 didn't know about PS3's or 4's aged 5. I'm 100% certain he'd never played on one. Subsequent children don't have as much opportunity to remain in blissful ignorance.

SummerNights1986 · 06/12/2015 19:53

Neither my 5 or 8 year old know what a PS4 is

Sorry but I just don't believe you. You may not have one, your 8 year old may never have played on one. They may not be exactly certain of how to play it or how it works. I may also be tempted to believe you if you homeschool your dc and they have limited contact with other children.

But other than that, I don't believe that nowadays a NT 8 year old would never have heard of a Play Station or have any idea what it is.

Chattymummyhere · 06/12/2015 19:59

I think it might depend on your area then but even at school here the reception kids are given iPads/tablet computers etc to do work on. A lot of the parents are also in tech jobs, my 6 yo could help build you a working pc, wire in consoles etc as dh works with tech all day and my Db is games/console tester/reviewer so we always have the latest gadgets/games around us. Minecraft is regularly used for homework building projects which we have for pretty much every console/iPad/pc we own.

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2015 20:01

I would think once at school children would soon find out what a PS or XBox was.
My first DC had no idea Power Rangers existed until a week into Reception when that's all he could talk about thanks to new friends.

SecretBondGirl · 06/12/2015 20:02

Screens are now ubiquitous and I often see parents give their phones to babies in prams order to distract/ amuse them.

imwithspud · 06/12/2015 20:06

I would either say a flat out no and stick to my guns through the relentless asking, or compromise a bit and give them a time limit, say 30/45minutes, then onto something else depending on how long the friend is visiting for.

TheSconeOfStone · 06/12/2015 20:11

OK she knows what a Playstation is as the CM has an ancient one. I guess she would have seen the PS4 advertised but hasn't asked for one. She's probably not NT but I don't think that's relevant.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 06/12/2015 20:20

We don't have any consoles here but we do have a telly.
My ds mainly plays dinosaurs and avengers wih his friends, then they might settle for 20 mins watching telly at the end of play date x

BertieBotts · 06/12/2015 20:27

DS is 7 but has known consoles etc all his life. We had them before he was born. Not going to hide something away. It won't rot their brains. Fine if you don't like computers and gadgets no need to have them (though very strange to be on an internet forum complaining about computers being used for entertainment) but to be all sanctimonious about it is irritating. Of course there is no NEED to introduce consoles, but there is also no NEED to introduce organised competitive sport, or animal ownership, or a knowledge of classical music. Parents will tend to pass their interests on to their children. Just because you don't deem a hobby important it doesn't mean you should be sniffy about it.

DataColour · 06/12/2015 20:41

Mine don't. They are 7 and 5. They play pretend play, Lego, dressing up, and of course lots of outdoor play in the summer. I do sometimes put something on for them to watch towards the end of a play date to calm them down..but that's after a couple if hours of play. No games consoles here and not likely in the future.

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2015 20:44

By the teen years in my experience (boys) they all have a console.

dietcokeandwine · 06/12/2015 21:16

I don't think it's at all unreasonable to want 5yos to be able to 'play' without resorting to computer games all the time.

It is easier to control with a first child because the environment can change as they grow. Harder with second or subsequent children as they see what the older ones are doing, and most children by 10 or 11 will have some kind of gaming console or iPad type device in the house.

That said though even though I have an 11yo (who has a console, iPad etc) I would still expect my 6yo (who doesn't) to 'play' properly with a friend on a play date, with perhaps a bit of TV after tea as calm down time before the visiting child is collected. Our compromise is that gaming is only allowed at weekends so with any mid week play dates DS2 knows that gaming is out of bounds anyway.

I would agree with sparkling that most older children (y7 upwards) will almost certainly have acquired some kind of console or iPad. It's all very well for the parents of 5yos to be serenely purist about their gaming free existences, but chances are your standards may slip as your DC get older That said though all of my 11yo's friends are still up for a good riot round the garden / nerf gun wars /jump on trampoline etc. They are all geeky gaming fan type boys, bless them, but they still enjoy 'proper' play as well.

Original poster

jollyfrenchy · 06/12/2015 21:23

summernights, they are mainly playing either Disney Infinity or Lego games eg Lego Jurassic, Lego Batman etc. Always things where they are playing together and saying, "Come over here and help me blow up this pile of dinosaur poo" and such like! I do think to a certain extent video games can be just as companionable as board games, in fact more so if they have to work together rather than in competition. They do also play Minecraft PE on tablets and yes I can see the benefit but again think they play on it too much.

My kids (aged 5,7 and 9) only play board games if I instigate it and then only if I sit there and play/referee. I'm pretty sure they've never managed to complete a game on their own.... not sure what that says about them or me....

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2015 21:26

I think you are either a board game fan or you aren't. I am not so can't transfer any enthusiasm. But luckily that's where Grandparents come in handy.

Preciousxbane · 06/12/2015 21:37

I'm a gamer but didn't let DS game on a console till he was about 8 when we got him the wii. I think that was a very sociable console and he made wii me characters for all the family and also if we had any guests round. He didn't touch the Xbox till he was almost 11.

Gaming can be very sociable and it's hard on the one friend DS has who is not allowed an Xbox, he is 14.

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2015 21:39

I miss the Wii. We get it out every Christmas and play ski jumping and Rabbids then back up it goes into the loft. It is v sociable.

MyLifeisaboxofwormgears · 06/12/2015 21:42

We have a "no screens before 4pm" rule.
DD's friends nearly fell over with shock when they realised they were not going to get to play on computers during a daytime visit.
They got used to it - of course they had to learn to talk to each other...not an entirely bad thing.

Palomb · 06/12/2015 21:45

My 7 year old Ds would play on the ps4 all day every day if we let him.. It is the addictive nature of the beast. We don't let him play on it every day though and he is quite capable of playing with other things. If he starts getting obsessed then the minecraft is removed for a week or so.

There's a whole generation of kids who cannot play properly and I would be worried about a child who could only play with something that has a screen. It's shit parenting.

WaitrosePigeon · 07/12/2015 18:34

Yes he is. I'm not sure why that matters. I'm confused

coffeetasteslikeshit · 07/12/2015 18:54

I think they mean that once your oldest gets a console then it's hard to hide it from your youngest. Therefore if your 5 yo doesn't know what a ps4 is, it's a fair bet that you don't have any older children WaitrosePigeon

coffeetasteslikeshit · 07/12/2015 18:57

I think some kids are just naturally drawn to gaming more than others. This is based on the huge database of my 2 boys
We didn't have a consol until they were 9 and 7. Two years later and the oldest would spend all day every day on it whilst the younger one can take it or leave it and much prefers to be trampolining or pogoing.

WaitrosePigeon · 07/12/2015 19:05

Oh yes I am sure it is. It's inevitable these days really isn't it!

WaitrosePigeon · 07/12/2015 19:07

Saying that though there are two boys in my sons class that are only children and they each have a PS4 so maybe it's what they are exposed to in a variety of ways.

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