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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish people wouldn't put 'to bump' on cards?

37 replies

Givinguph0pe · 06/12/2015 13:45

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and I've had a few things with 'To Givingup and Bump' and whilst I know it's meant kindly I wish it wouldn't happen.
It's starting on Christmas cards but I just feel like if my baby doesn't make it I'm going to have 'and bump' all over the cards. I know it is a small thing in the grand scheme of things but I can just imagine coming home and having to see them and sometimes the little things seem the hardest.

Aibu to wish people wouldn't do it?

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 06/12/2015 13:48

You seem very anxious. I'm not sure this would even cross most expectant parents' minds. If it helps, mention it to your DH so that if Anything bad DOES happen then he can just take the cards down before you get home. Have you not yet bought anything else for the baby? You'd have the same issue there.

SoWhite · 06/12/2015 13:49

Is your pregnancy high risk, or is everything going ok?

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 06/12/2015 13:49

I find it a bit twee but it wouldn't bother me. Do you usually keep Christmas cards? And are there any worries about the baby? My DS was premature and is fine now. 32 weeks isn't ideal obviously but baby would probably make it

Original poster

Givinguph0pe · 06/12/2015 13:49

No nothing yet. I'm meant to be delivering at 38 weeks...

OP posts:

KeepOnMoving1 · 06/12/2015 13:49

Surely that can be overlooked when the person took the time and care to send you one? Maybe they shouldn't then you won't have something to complain about.

Trills · 06/12/2015 13:49

You'll find that some pregnant people get upset if their not-yet-born baby is NOT acknowledged on Christmas cards.

Original poster

Givinguph0pe · 06/12/2015 13:50

Yes it's a high risk pregnancy.

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 06/12/2015 13:51

And conversely, when everything DOES turn out ok (as it will), if you keep a couple of the cards, then how lovely will they be to look back on in a few years.

LastOneDancing · 06/12/2015 13:52

You feel how you feel so it's not U.

But it is unrealistic. People get very excited and want to show they care and acknowledge the pregnancy. Plus while I get what you mean, I'd imagine if a late loss happened the last thing on your mind would be Christmas cards.

Have you had a late loss before or is this a high risk pregnancy? If it's causing you stress don't display the 'bump ones' perhaps?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 06/12/2015 13:54

There are 6 weeks left. If you are delivering at 38 weeks you are going to HAVE to buy a few essential things before the baby is actually born. I can't think of anything more stressful than coming home with a new baby to absolutely nothing ready, not even a pack of nappies.

In the nicest possible way, you need to find a way to get over your worries and try and enjoy this special preparation time. Don't let your worries ruin it.

IdaClair · 06/12/2015 14:01

I understand but I have lost two babies (not at your stage of pregnancy, don't worry, but one was just after Christmas) so I do get it.

The chances that everything will be fine are hugely bigger than not - if you regularly feel very anxious it might be worth talking to a midwife.

In the meantim, try to think about it in a slightly different way. Your baby is with you now, curled up inside, hearing and tasting their first experiences of Christmas. Whatever the future brings that will not change. Next Christmas you will get out the cards and hold your baby on your knee as it tries to eat tinsel and crawls around after baubles, and wonder that just one short year ago they could have been referred to as bump.

BackInTheRealWorld · 06/12/2015 14:03

Whatever anyone does someone will find fault with it.

Counttheshadows · 06/12/2015 14:06

I felt similar when people wrote 'and bump' on my birthday cards. I hope you have rl support for your anxiety and I hope all goes well with the pregnancy and birth.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 06/12/2015 14:12

BackInTheRealWorld has it. I've found where fertility / miscarriage is concerned, often is very difficult to do the right thing. Whatever you do, you'll offend somebody.

I'd also suggest that unless you're in the habit of keeping xmas cards for years to come, it's not going to cause you any additional upset if something does happen.

atreya · 06/12/2015 14:40

They don't mean any harm, obviously, but I dislike it because it's twee. I also dislike the 'from bump' cards for same reason

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 06/12/2015 14:54

I agree with others - unless you have a high risk pregnancy, you're over thinking it a bit. I understand though, it's easy to let these worries manifest themselves in all sorts of ways during pregnancy.

On another note, I also find the whole 'from/to bump' thing very twee. I had to basically beg my partner not to get me a mother's day card from 'bump' earlier this year. Seemed a silly sentiment to me, I will enjoy it more when the child can actually give/write cards themselves.

VestalVirgin · 06/12/2015 14:55

I think it is totally weird to consider it necessary to mention an unborn on Christmas cards.

What comes next? Will people wish a merry Christmas to me and all my egg cells that might potentially become babies one day?

Even if you think that life starts at conception, you should acknowledge that social life starts at birth, and not a day earlier.

Really. I usually play along when women treat their pea-sized, only vaguely human shaped fetuses as persons because I respect the woman as person and acknowledge it makes her feel better, but mentioning unborns on Christmas cards? That's ridiculous.

Maybe I would mention a baby that is due on Christmas on a card, but if the due date is in January ... nope.

Tell people to not do this, because yours is a high risk pregnancy and you are nervous enough as it is. That should be understood by everyone.

ImperialBlether · 06/12/2015 14:55

But will you still have your Christmas cards in six weeks' time? Don't you chuck them out after Christmas?

cruikshank · 06/12/2015 15:10

OP, I do understand your anxieties. I had a high risk pregnancy after two losses and every time someone said something along the lines of 'when baby gets here' (ie all the fucking time) I got terrific knots in my stomach (not my uterus!) and all of the horrible scenarios would just fill my mind. It is people meaning to be kind though. They don't get it. They're happy for you, and want to share the joy. So I don't really know what the answer is because you can hardly voice the very real fears you have every time some well-meaning fool tips you over the edge. .

IdaClair · 06/12/2015 15:28

I pack away the Christmas cards with the decorations. Then I know who to send them to the next year

Sighing · 06/12/2015 15:40

i know those fears well. I'm dreading presents for bump at Christmas. I've no answers or suggestions. You're not alone though.

TrinityForce · 06/12/2015 15:45

I hope all goes well for you OP.

I think they're just well meaning and cutesy.

Bubbletree4 · 06/12/2015 15:48

I have in the last received cards from "bump". Also to "bump". I think it's fairly ordinary, although I wouldn't write it.

In your position, I would just make sure that you bin all the cards on Boxing Day so that if something did go wrong, you would not have to look at the cards.

saraht84 · 06/12/2015 15:51

People don't mean to offend you and I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

I'm 29w, high risk pregnancy and also going to deliver at 38w. I've had several losses. Dh recently gave me a birthday card from the bump and even if the worst were to happen it's things like that that help you remember your child.

EponasWildDaughter · 06/12/2015 15:58

Personally i wouldn't include the word bump to or from in a card (except the ones just between DH and i with our 'bump'; a personal little thing; it was one to keep) as i think it's a bit twee (and it hurt like hell when we got cards like that after my miscarriage so i wouldn't want to risk doing it to some one else).

It seems to be getting more common however. I can understand how this would be yet another thing enough to make you twitchy if you have been anxious all pregnancy. I've been there myself.

Lots of things that people routinely say or do have the potential to upset when it comes to fertility and birth. Deep breath and relax.

Wishing you all the best OP

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