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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can work from home from a bedroom?

59 replies

FiveHoursSleep · 05/12/2015 20:14

We live in a decent sized 4 bedroom semi with a good sized study downstairs, but have 4 kids, so our youngest two share. The trouble is they are an almost 8 yr old boy and an almost 10 yo girl and understandably, this arrangement is not working very well any more.
My DH has had the study to himself for the last 9 years and he does have both a work and a personal computer in there, but he works from home maybe once a month ( more like once every two months). Sometimes he has to quickly check something in the middle of the night, but this is once a year, every 6 months- so not very often.
I work from home every day and have a desk in the through lounge
I want DH to clear out of the study so our eldest can have his study as a bedroom. We don't have a lot of space for a desk for him but we could fit a one in our bedroom.
We've discussed the possibility of extending , or a loft conversion or a garden office but the house needs rewiring ( then decorating), and we also need new windows so the money would be better spent on that.
AI really BU to be asking him to work from our bedroom? He says it's ridiculous and it's not my ideal either, but I think it's more important for the kids to have their own bedrooms.
Of course I could move upstairs to the bed room and let him have my desk downstairs but I'm at home more often than he is, and like to be able to keep an eye on what the kids are up to when they are home from school.
The older two are 12 and 13 year old girls and they have a small room each; asking them to share would result in WW3!

OP posts:
Clarabumps · 05/12/2015 21:06

Purple I was wondering that myself. Uncalled for, whatever the fuck it means.

cheapskatemum · 05/12/2015 21:08

Ok, I probably don't have all the details, but your DH has missed the obvious (to us MNers, at least) need for him to give up his study for the greater good of the family, you have stated your opinion that your bedroom is a better place for his computer and he's dismissed it as "ridiculous" and he's maintained his own study room for 9 months, despite having an office at work, whereas you work from home and don't have an office space in your house. These 3 things, to me, show that he has little awareness of other people's needs, is content as long as his needs are being met. Also, he doesn't like to compromise and feels that his opinion is the correct one, therefore he doesn't need to take on board anyone else's. I'm sorry, but these are autistic traits. (Prepares to dodge flames)

CalleighDoodle · 05/12/2015 21:09

He is being unbelievably selfish. You work from home everyday from the dining table while he has a play room?? Because let's face it, it isnt being used as a study.

If he wont compromise, and he has some redeeming qualities, have dd1 and 3 share the largest child non-master room.

Twindroops · 05/12/2015 21:10

OP YANBU. What about other options for your DH to have a man cave, or add an additional bedroom to your house- understairs space, loft conversion, garage, shed?

Personally I would have nabbed the man cave for myself ages ago!

Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 05/12/2015 21:12

I know there is often an genetic link with autism; it runs in my side of the family- my brother has Aspergers and I'm pretty sure I have ( undiagnosed) ASD.
I often find it hard to see other's POV, hence me posting this on AIBU.
Thanks for your help. I know that I am not in the wrong here, so will be following this up.

OP posts:
Iguessyourestuckwithme · 05/12/2015 21:12

Yes you can work from home sat on your bed on your laptop/ipad.

SaltySeaBird · 05/12/2015 21:17

Personally I couldn't work from home in a bedroom and I typically work from home two days a week. I don't understand how people can work on a laptop in bed at all.

That said if he only uses it once a month, it does seem a waste. If it is large, is there anyway to split that or the bigger bedroom upstairs?

BuggersMuddle · 05/12/2015 21:23

YANBU. We have a four bedroom house, no kids and I work from home once a week or more.

At the moment, 'my' room is being redecorated (slowly) and DP's study is a shit tip, so I usually use the dining table. If I'm feeling a bit under the weather (sometimes work from home when well enough to work, but full of the cold so don't want to pass it on or whatever) I will quite happily set up in the bedroom. It's not ideal, but for an average office job perfectly doable.

Although if it's once a month, what's wrong with using a computer in the livingroom / diningroom / kitchen table and then switching to calls in the bedroom? When DP and I are both home we often do this. We can work on laptops in the same room, but then decamp for anything loud / confidential.

shazzarooney99 · 05/12/2015 21:25

Hmmm men dont like change do they? i think you have to make it so it happens! so have world war 3 for a bit till he changes his mind! let him deal with ww3! he will soon get the message! or just be forceful and move it all when hes out!

mintoil · 05/12/2015 21:28

YANBU

If DH says he needs time to sort out his stuff, just smile and agree and move it all into a storage unit and tell him he has until x date to go through it and save what he actually needs.

He is being really selfish if he doesn't agree to this.

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 05/12/2015 21:37

he has little awareness of other people's needs, is content as long as his needs are being met. Also, he doesn't like to compromise and feels that his opinion is the correct one, therefore he doesn't need to take on board anyone else's. I'm sorry, but these are autistic traits. (Prepares to dodge flames)

Wow. You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?

And you're NOT sorry.

And you sound delightful.

GreenPotato · 05/12/2015 21:44

If you work from home every day and he doesn't, why isn't the study yours??? That in itself shows a shocking level of selfishness. How exactly did he claim it in the first place and get away with it? And of course he should give it up so that each child can have their own room for using every day.

I work from home, my study is tiny but at least it's mine, and DP is the one who gets a desk in the living room for when he has work to do at home - precisely because he has a lovely big office at work!

kua · 05/12/2015 21:46

My working week is equally split between being at the office or WFH/ elsewhere.
When at home I could be working from the desk top in the box room or laying on the sofa with the laptop, Depends on my mood, equally I could be at Starbucks. Doesn't really matter where you work as long as the work gets done.

The issues re CAD will shortly be made null as tablets will replace desktops and laptops. The desk phone will also be gone within three years.

So tell him to get with the times Wink

PurpleDaisies · 05/12/2015 21:46

cheapskate you have made a massive leap in suggesting that the op's dh is autistic because he doesn't want to give up a room he has been using for 9 years. So as not to derail the thread that's all I'm saying. Biscuit

motherinferior · 05/12/2015 21:47

I work from home. I have - and always have - an office, taking up one of the bedrooms in our house. I need a room in which I do my job. And yes, this has caused some incovenience and indeed expense.

On the other hand I work full time. One day a month would be very different.

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 05/12/2015 21:49

YANBU abut him vacating the study OP.

Is there anywhere else a bureau or similar could fit, other than the bedroom? It could get quite teenaged in there quite quickly if he is messy.

motherinferior · 05/12/2015 21:50

I think you should have the conversion work done so that you have a room to work in.

7Coffees · 05/12/2015 21:54

Op I'm glad you've realised how selfish he's being. I hope you get it sorted!

howabout · 05/12/2015 22:25

YANBU Hot desking was a thing in my last place of work over 14 years ago!

On practicalities, unless you are both working concurrently you only need one monitor between the 3 computers. Could one of you swap to a laptop to be more portable and take less space.

We have a corner of the lounge with 5 computers in and at certain times DH (sometimes working and sometimes playing) and 3DC (sometimes doing hw and sometimes minecraft etc). They all plug themselves in and I disappear to my bedroom for an hour of peace with the laptop. In your position I would get a laptop for you and work from the bedroom when your DH is home.

cheapskatemum · 05/12/2015 22:28

Sorry. I realise that my post actually has far more to do with the similar situation in my own household than to the one OP has described. I do apologise.

I still think he is BU, though.

PurpleDaisies · 05/12/2015 23:33

I think we've all done a bit of over-projecting at some point cheapskate and I hope you manage to sort out whatever difficulties you're having at home Smile

Op you're not being unreasonable. I can understand why your husband doesn't want to give up his study. I work from home a lot and it does make it miles easier when you have a dedicated spot to do it in with everything ready to go. It sounds like you could have done with a study for yourself too. Your kids need bedrooms though, and that has to come first.

I'd go for a temporary working from home set up and look into adding more space if that doesn't work out after trying it for a few months. If you do the conversion/buy a shed set up a new office for the both of you, not just your dh.

whatever22 · 06/12/2015 00:19

My dp has a filing cabinet and desk with computer\phone etc the end of our bed. From it he works 5 days a week 9am-6pm. So, yes, you can work from home in a bedroom.

If he just needs a standard office type setup it can easily fit into the corner of a room. And having a whole room you barely use is nuts.

ouryve · 06/12/2015 00:21

YANBU.

DH worked from home, weekly, for over a year and either sat in the comfrot of the livingroom or in the bedroom. He got more work done on those days than at any other time.

ouryve · 06/12/2015 00:24

And both our kids have autism, yet the livingroom still works. Funny that.

LizzieMacQueen · 06/12/2015 00:33

I don't believe it is healthy for anyone to sleep in the same space as their work things. I think there needs to be a detachment, a door you can close, to get a peaceful night's sleep.

That doesn't give you a solution but a 4 bedroom house was never going to be big enough with 4 kids if you want them to have a room each.

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