to think that a last minute Facebook invitation isn't a proper/appropriate way to invite someone to your wedding?

[GabiSolis]

Just had a shitty message from an old school friend asking why I didn't turn up to her wedding last weekend.

Turns out her now husband had sent me a message on Facebook inviting me to the reception in my home town a week before the wedding. I didn't get notified about this message at the time, I think because I am not friends with the husband on there (I checked with DP to see if he had seen it while on my phone and he says no so I don't think I ever had a notification about it).

Honestly though I can't say that I would've gone to the reception anyway. I was never hugely close to this person, we were in the same friendship group but we weren't best friends and I haven't seen her in a few years. I did know she was getting married but I didn't really expect to get an invitation so didn't think to go looking for one iyswim.

So today I get this horrible message telling me how rude I was for not replying. I went looking for the original message and it is there (complete with present list ).

I haven't replied to the message. Should I? Aibu for thinking that was not a 'proper' invitation and the fault for this is not mine?

Did the message go into your filtered messages? I presume it did as you are not friends with her DH. Be honest and tell her you didn't receive the message and that had you, you would have replied. Congratulate her and then let that friendship lapse I think!

Tbh I thought it had already lapsed! Surely if she cared that much she would've sent me a proper invitation, even if it was just to the evening do?

I think I have to take the moral high ground though don't I? Just say congratulations and move on!

Blimey, is this what wedding invitations have come to now? Some random FB message?

Absolutely. I wouldn't argue about it, it's not worth it (why bother with someone you don't see/particularly like). A brief but polite message is fine then ignore or block. Sounds a bit like a present grab to me!

Yes I think it's a present grab as well. Direct quote from today's message "you didn't reply or send anything. I am really hurt."

Apparently so Fru.

But if you hadn't opened the message the would have known that surely? My sent FB messages show in bold font when unopened.

But no, that's not how you invite someone to a wedding.

Reply saying congrats but be clear you didn't get the message as only messages from friends appear in your inbox.

"you didn't reply or send anything. I am really hurt."

'Yet you didn't invite me and I am supposed to be a mindreader, AND to buy you a present to something you didn't bother inviting me to. Are you on glue?'

It would annoy me if I was accused of being rude by some random so I don't think I could ignore the message. I would reply then block.

How sad, Gabi.
Of course you are not at fault.

So they send a lame Facebook message via the half of the couple you don't know, a week before, and then get shirty? Jog on. The 'or send anything' is very telling.

If she hasn't specifically mentioned Facebook invitation in her message I would turn it back on her. "sorry but I never received an invitation, it must have got lost in the post. When did you post it?"

Then she'll have to admit she only sent you a facebook invite.

Oh my goodness what a bridezilla. Tell her that you did not see the message, congratulate her and delete her from Facebook and your life, how rude. She saw you as a present giving opportunity.

Good idea wildfire, tell her, oh when did you post it? Oh dear the post is really bad lately. Congratulations.

You were on her B list and she had someone drop out too close to the Wedding to do anything but invite you via FB.

I would still congratulate her and move on.

think im gonna message all the people from school and tell them not to forget my christmas presents (i left school in 77)

Thank you everyone for replies. Feeling a bit better about this now!

I'm on the app so I can't unfortunately see who posted it, but I agree with whoever said I was on the B list and someone dropped out.

I looked at the gift list and there was very little on there under £50 and a lot hadn't been bought.

It will have gone in your 'other' folder.

What a cow. I would be inclined to just not reply.

How ridiculous. Sending you a message on social media which you may or may not get, then getting arsey with you?! Some friend.

Don't say sorry - say what address did she send it to as you never received an invitation.

And add "sending" you my well wishes.

Send her "Facebook for Dummies" as a present? Make sure it's the cheap-arse Kindle version, or second-hand like your invitation

Send her something really tacky (I've just found, and bought, a truly tacky Xmas dec from Tesco; it's an ideal gift for something like this!) and block her from fb.

I would reply, she's been really rude.

I would reply.

"Did you mean to be so rude? I didn't receive a notification that I had a message so unfortunately did not see your invitation. A week is very short notice in any case."

A week before the invitation, and its clear you are only invited because someone dropped out at the last minute.

Yanbu. Either ignore, or tell them you didn't see the message, but even if you had it wouldnt have been enough notice.

Not replying to an invite is usually rude, but this isn't a usual situation.