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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish dp would just tell sil no?

41 replies

ginmakesitallok · 05/12/2015 15:11

We've been planning to have a quiet christmas at home just us and the kids and Mil. Asked Mil ages ago. Anyway a couple of weeks ago Mil tells us that she thinks sil is going to invite us for Christmas. At the time I said we hadn't had an invite and we were staying at home. Last might sil sends dp a text asking if we want to go to theirs. I DON'T want to go.

Sil is fine. Her dh is a pain in the ass, as is his father. I don't want to spend all day with them. Food is a big thing for me, i look foward to Christmas dinner for months. Sil cant cook. Dp says he doesn't want to go, but "it's family!".

Dp still hasn't texted sil back. Aibu to think he just needs to grow some balls and tell her? I've told him he can go if he wants but I'm staying here.

(It's fine with me if Mil wants to go there, shouldn't be any awkwardness there)

OP posts:
SalemSaberhagen · 05/12/2015 18:33

regina why be so nasty? What an unnecessary thing to write. I've noticed this a lot lately, why do people just post to try and make the OP feel small?

paintandbrush · 05/12/2015 18:50

maybe you could pop over in the afternoon, and stick your heads in the door for politeness, then make a quick exit?

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2015 21:53

maybe you could pop over in the afternoon, and stick your heads in the door for politeness, then make a quick exit?

Why? They're seeing them on Boxing Day.

Fairenuff · 05/12/2015 22:14

The thing is, he needs to learn from his own experience. Let him handle it.

Presumably you don't think he is completely incompetent OP? He will eventually twig that you're not going?

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 06/12/2015 00:57

Salem Because some people think it's clever to post what they think are humorous smartass remarks.

MistressDeeCee · 06/12/2015 01:20

Well maybe the DP actually wants to go. If its a case he wants to go the only silly thing I can see here is he should speak up and say so, then a compromise can hopefully be reached but honestly its not a sin to not mind the thought of spending christmas with a sibling/family as opposed to your "own little unit" all the time. It sounds so insular but I guess its common as so many threads on here seem to be crowing about exactly that, its just our little family on christmas day.

Im going to my brother's on xmas day. OH isn't coming he wants to go to his sister's then best mate. So we'll spend christmas morning together then see each other late that night..whats the biggest deal its perfectly possible to survive as a functioning adult if your DP isn't glued to your side for the whole of christmas day. Find a compromise

Or you could just do the sulky petulance thing

SalemSaberhagen · 06/12/2015 08:15

ChristmasCarcass (I love your name) it's just so spiteful, trying to make someone feel silly. Makes me Xmas Angry sorry to derail!

Hoppinggreen · 06/12/2015 08:45

Sounds a bit like my DH.
His family are lovely and are absolutely fine if we can't visit or don't want to do something but DH still agonises over it. I think it comes from the fact that they are all really close and do everything together, when I first joined the family they were a bit baffled by my need for space " oh, dear hopping wants to chill out with a book in the other room, do you think she's upset?" But now they just accept and think it's funny.
DH still struggles to say no and I've heard him telling his mum/sister/aunt that we might be able to do something when we both know we won't. Drives me nuts. They don't even ask him now they come straight to me but as I have great relationships with them all its fine.
I would just make sure that your DP knows there is no chance at all of it happening and then leave him to deal with it.

FrancesNiadova · 06/12/2015 10:12

I wouldn't text or phone for him because in the IL' s eyes, you have made the decision & even you are stopping DH from going.
Let him deal with them, they're his family. With your parents/siblings, would you be able to say, "sorry, we've already made plans for Xmas at home & ordered a turkey/made Xmas pud," etc. & not enter into sulks & ww3?
His family, his problem to sort out.
If he won't prioritise you over his dsis at Xmas, then I'm afraid that you have a DH problem.
Don't you just love the joys of Christmas! Xmas Grin

tigermoll · 06/12/2015 12:35

I don't think you need to send the text yourself, or even stand over him while he does it. He has agreed to send it "later" -- take him at his word. You have already decided that you will be having christmas in your home, even if he isn't, so there is nothing for you to worry about. I get that it is frustrating for him to have not done it yet, but I think you should just try to forget about it.

If he later plucks up the courage to ask you to change your mind, you can have the discussion then, but I don't think you should try to browbeat him into doing it right this instant.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 06/12/2015 15:45

He eventually got round to doing it. We'll he wrote the first bit of the text and asked me how to actually say "no". But it's done. Don't know if sil has replied to him...

OP posts:
RideEmCowgirl · 06/12/2015 16:44

what did he actually put?

NinaSimoneful · 06/12/2015 17:31

He's finding it hard to tell his sister that the family won't be coming around to hers on Christmas day, despite the fact that you're going there the day after? I find that odd. I would find it odd to go to someone else's home for both Christmas and Boxing Day. Surely just the one day would be enough?

Anyway is done now I guess.

theycallmemellojello · 06/12/2015 18:30

Are you sure he feels the same as you about the invitation? Maybe you should ask him if the reason he is being slow to text is that he quite fancies it? It's his Christmas too after all.

Anyway, if he got the text today and has said he'll do it later, I don't think that's a crime. I'd be very annoyed if my DH started trying to control when I do random chores! If he hasn't done it in a few days then fair enough to get on his back about it though.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 06/12/2015 20:58

We're not going to theirs on boxing day, we're all going to mils.

OP posts:
FrancesNiadova · 06/12/2015 21:04

A win-win then Xmas Wink

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