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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that insomnia is not the same as being sleep deprived with a baby?

44 replies

Lilipot15 · 05/12/2015 00:27

DH suffers from insomnia. I have a baby who wakes frequently and won't settle without a BF. I usually end up cosleeping. With a small age gap I haven't actually had a good nights sleep in well over 2 years.

Whilst I know it will pass, I find myself irrationally annoyed when I say that I'm exhausted and he says "I know how it feels"......he sleeps in a separate room most of the time so has nothing waking him!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/12/2015 00:57

Yeah, I had both of mine in with me after they'd got up in the night, and loved every second of it

Booyaka · 05/12/2015 00:58

How do you know he's not asleep? I spend hours just lying in bed in the dark. No idea how anyone would tell if I was awake.

Bambambini · 05/12/2015 00:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AgentZigzag · 05/12/2015 01:01

Just a YABU will do Bambam, no need to call the OP names.

GlitterNails · 05/12/2015 01:02

How can you compare the two? Your baby will grow up, but some sleep issues will never go away.

I have had severe sleep problems for 13 years. It's hell on earth. It messes up my whole life. I can't do normal things, as I can't function in the morning. I also have severe chronic pain and am a wheelchair user - and would rather have the pain and inability to walk than the sleep problems. I also didn't choose this.

So I think you are being very unreasonable.

Postchildrenpregranny · 05/12/2015 01:09

Have suffered from insomnia since the menopause .A good night is 4hrs unbroken sleep .
Used to b feed DC1until 10m andDc2 until 26 m during the night to get them back to sleep .
I'd drop off quickly after feeding,no trouble ,(though being woken several times wasn't fun) .and you do know it's temporary
Insommnia is much much worse. Lying awake for hours desperate for sleep is awful and I've suffered for 15 years .

Original poster

Lilipot15 · 05/12/2015 01:19

I'm really sorry everyone. I meant this as a bit lighthearted and for some sympathy but clearly I have caused upset and I'm sorry. I have asked for this thread to be removed so I hope that happens soon.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/12/2015 01:22

I thought it was interesting reading the comparison between the two, no need to fuck the thread off!

doleritedinosaur · 05/12/2015 01:24

I've had both & at the moment the baby seems worse as I've not slept for more than 4 hours in 9 months.
But I remember the depression & the breakdown from the insomnia which was a lot worse however I could actually think.
The insomnia has meant I have coped with this lack of sleep a lot better but it also means that I cannot sleep in the day nor once in awake.

The insomnia has men at I am productive at 4am & 5am though.

Candlelight30 · 05/12/2015 03:05

My baby is currently lying next to me in her travel cot singing loudly. Not entertaining the idea of going back to sleep any time soon.

I'm sure insomnia is worse, but at the moment this feels pretty desperate please go back to sleep baby!!

sheldonesque · 05/12/2015 03:49

You have my sympathy. No sleep is no sleep however it happens.

I have insomnia. Have had it for years. I consider myself very blessed if I get 4 hours and can function on not much sleep now. I long for sleep some nights and often watch the clock tick round only to nod off 20 odd minutes before the alarm goes off.

I can just about cope with the no sleep bit. What I struggle more with is the quiet and too much thinking. My darling dog died and months on I cry over her in the small hours. When I couldn't sleep before, I used to listen to her snore and watch her dream. The silence and emptiness is excruciating.

I hope it gets easier for you both

PegsPigs · 05/12/2015 04:03

I have both. Beat that! I always used to fall asleep really easily even if I couldn't stay asleep. Now with DD 6 months I'm struggling to fall asleep in the first place, she's waking around 11.30/12 so I've barely got to sleep, I'm feeding for around an hour then taking around an hour or more to get back to sleep, she's waking 3-4 ish then feeding for an hour again, I'm taking an hour or so to fall back to sleep then sometimes she'll wake again between 5.30-6.30 (yesterday was 6.25) It's killing me. I feel like a zombie. Why can't I sleep when I'm so tired? I've not been able to sleep between putting her down at 11.15 and her waking at 3.40. It absolutely sucks so I'd say the two are not radically different certainly in their effect on your wellbeing. And if he has insomnia it's unlikely to get better but your baby will eventually (!) sleep through.

OfficeGirl1969 · 05/12/2015 04:39

It sounds like it'stough for both of you, don't make it a competition. If he genuinely has insomnia then that's as awful as sleep deprivation due to a wakeful baby. OH suffered spinal damage, and pre-surgery, the combination of the pain and his medication meant he didn't sleep for pretty much a year. Not in that "oooh I really struggle to get to sleep, I've got insomnia" for ten minutes which I've heard some folks say.....but whereas in reality they then crash quiet nicely thank you (yes, you, XH) He didn't sleep at all. It drove him nearly demented and almost broke us both. A grown man sobbing in bed because he's shattered to the point where he can't function, but just can't sleep, is horrible to see.

So if your DH is really like this (and presumably having to work?) then I really feel for BOTH of you. If however he's actually in the spare room and really getting plenty of sleep, then he needs to step up and help you over night with the little ones.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 05/12/2015 04:42

Never post in AIBU for sympathy or support! 🤐

JoandMax · 05/12/2015 04:48

You both have my sympathy! No sleep is no sleep and whichever way it happens is hard to cope with. And it's perfectly natural to get the pangs of sleep jealousy when you're dealing with a wakeful baby or suffering insomnia.....

But it's not a comparable thing really and I don't think I could say which is worse. DS2 still frequently wakes at age 5 and the first 2 years were intense, I really did feel I was losing my mind with tiredness! I've also suffered with insomnia and that's such a lonely and depressing thing.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/12/2015 04:52

Hold on, you've come here complaining about his lack of sympathy while simultaneously having none for him.

Like someone said, it's not a competition. Try and be kind to each other

Signed
An Insomniac

DixieNormas · 05/12/2015 04:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 05/12/2015 05:07

Insomnia is worse, much worse. But they are both horrible while you are in the middle of it.

It sounds as though, essentially, you think that there is nothing keeping him awake (like a baby) so he should just go to sleep. That wouldn't be insomnia, would it?

VashtaNerada · 05/12/2015 05:16

Depends on the severity of the insomnia and how difficult the baby is. Looking after a child at night is hell IMO, there is nothing like the frustration of being exhausted and having to fight to stay awake. But as other posters have said, long-term severe insomnia (if that is indeed what he has) sounds bloody awful too.
Either way, a wakeful baby is incredibly hard work OP and you have my sympathy in bucketloads!

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