Changing nappies/wiping bums

[Teenagecrisisagain]

I'll start by saying I don't think IABU but I want to see what others think before taking this further

Using direct payments for disabled dc we employ a carer. Due to the agency being unable to provide the same carer each time we decided to employ a family member as dc have specific needs and training was needed so having different person from an agency at short notice would not have worked as they wouldn't have been trained

Anyway, today it was declared "dd has done a poo. I don't wipe shit off bums or change shitty nappies"

That's not on is it?
She was fully aware when accepting the job that two of dcs need help in this way and this was said in front of them

I am 99.9% sure it's completely unacceptable. Before getting rid I just wanted some opinions on this. I was completely taken aback by the comment. Luckily it happened just as I was on my way out so I could take over but what if this had happened when I wasn't there? Would dd just have been left?

There are gloves provided if needed

She has been working for about six weeks and yes was fully aware of all the help Dcs need

I can only assume as she has not worked for eg a whole day that she was hoping the situation wouldn't arise in the 2/3/4 hrs she has done ???

That's totally unacceptable. Can you advertise for carers or ask the agency people if they are interested in a private arrangement with you? When you work with vulnerable adults and children sometimes personal hygiene needs have to be dealt with. Her attitude is appalling and lacks care, compassion and understanding. The only reason she is doing the job is for the money, not because she cares! Get rid. Your DC deserve better.

Is this a young family member? Is it their first time doing work like this?

Write up a job description and list of responsibilities, sit her down and explain she was inappropriate and would have upset your dd, tell her you are giving her a warning for this and if it happens again you will have to let her go. Go through the job description/responsibilities with her so she 100% knows what is expected of her. Then give her another chance- we have all made mistakes at work and said things we regret, help her learn to change her behaviour.

If she is more mature and has done work like this in the past then yanbu to sack her! But I think it would be unfair not to give a younger, inexperienced family member another chance and maybe some mentoring so they can develop and become a better person and employee.

If you have no written contract she could argue that she wasn't aware. You need a contract that states what's expected!

I'm meeting next week with an agency through the local carers association to speak about respite anyway and I'm hoping they may be able to find a regular carer who can be trained

We wanted a carer from an agency originally but they said they could not guarantee the same person each time which was a major problem due to whoever looks after dcs needing training in medical equipment (not one they have training in as routine )

Yougottakeepemseparated - When you get direct payments you have to show exactly how it is spent. You don't just get handed a sum of money to do as you want with. It can be very hard to find a carer with the specialist knowledge and understanding required.

We can't (and wouldn't) keep any of the money for ourselves it is used for care and 'short breaks' where dc attend an activity suitable for them or with 1:1
We have to keep receipts for everything, bank statements, carer time sheets etc etc