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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To support dd ?

64 replies

Teenagecrisisagain · 03/12/2015 18:57

Dd1 is 14

She is very bright and has been doing really well at school
She also has some quite debilitating health problems and really struggles on a daily basis

Did has decided she would like to be a make up artist. Normal make up and special effects and it's something she's really interested in. I want her to be happy and to do a job one day that she enjoys

However, we've had nothing but negativity from friends family and even the gp!!?
Dd had an appt and there were the usual questions what school do you go to? Do you like it? What job do you want one day? And then mild shock when dd replied "I'd like to be a make up artist" and other careers then suggested ?
Dd knows she will need to do gcses and wants to do a levels so that she has good qualifications but ultimately wants to be a make up artist and I don't think there's anything wrong with that

Family members think she is wasting a good education. I just want her to be happy. She's 14 and that's what she wants to do currently. She's on her way to getting good gcse results I think so if she ever did change her mind regarding potential careers she could but surely that's up to her ?

I hate the attitude that somehow beauty therapy/make up artist is somehow beneath her just because she's intelligent ??

OP posts:
Creiddylad · 03/12/2015 19:52

You are right to support her. What is important in life is being happy, not having a job that everyone else approves of. If she does it, she will have a great time.

Rob Lowe, Johnny Depp and Patrick Depsey all married their make up artists Smile

Maryz · 03/12/2015 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 03/12/2015 19:54

As long as she can earn enough to support herself and has a backup option I'd have no hesitation in supporting her.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 03/12/2015 19:57

It's great that she has an ambition. Can she do some work shadowing to get a strong sense of what it would be like as a career?

ilovemydoggy · 03/12/2015 20:00

Don't listen to anyone op. When I was at school my best mate wanted to do this and she has gone on to do brilliant. I left school with 13 a/a* grades she left school with 13 b/c grades. Now she earns over £100k a year plus many benefits doing make up for top theatre shows. I earn £20k a year in a boring insurance role. All our teachers tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn't listen. She's had the last laugh now.

BlackRose0 · 03/12/2015 20:02

I was in a similar position to your daughter once OP, when I was 18. I really wanted to train in the MUA industry, but also applied to university at the same time. When I told friends and family about training in make-up, I was laughed at and told I was too clever to 'waste' myself on such a job. So I went to university, got a degree - and have been stuck in a mundane admin job for the last 6 years. I would love to turn the clock back now, because the people who discouraged me are funnily enough no longer around. I really regret not going with my gut! However, your daughter does have another 2/4 years before she needs to decide so may even change her mind.

IAmcuriousyellow · 03/12/2015 20:05

I know two young women who did this at Shepperton. They are very happy in their work! It's so sociable, they do wedding make up, corporate portrait make up, prosthetic and stage make up and have enormous fun at Halloween and when they're quick/attentive on social media (they all are at that age aren't they) can snap up jobs on projects started by uni students doing film and media etc. it seems to be all about the networking and they find their contacts at college or uni. The more personable the better, and that's probably the case in media generally. If your daughter is into it then give her every encouragement. No need to be pre-disappointed on her behalf (I know you're not, it's others doing that).

wigglesrock · 03/12/2015 20:12

I have a few friends (kids are at the same school) who are make up artists. One mainly does wedding/ special occasions etc. The other has a very successful company - she works with a "big" local hairdresser - does a lot of magazine work, runs make up classes. Both absolutely love their work. Its great your daughter has a passion - you're right to encourage it.

RabbitSaysWoof · 03/12/2015 20:12

I would support. Otherwise you are agreeing with saying that having good grades should narrow her options.
I'm sure you realise that she would probably change her mind by 18 tho.

mathanxiety · 03/12/2015 20:14

This is a fantastic ambition imo. I agree it is great to see someone who has a concrete idea at age 14 and is enthusiastic. I would definitely support her. She could get started in a small way even now, doing makeup for school shows, joining a drama group and doing the makeup or learning about it.

A girl I went to school with has worked in this field since age 18 and is very happy, very fulfilled. Has travelled, has met all sorts of interesting people, worked at home and abroad, combined work and motherhood very easily. I know money isn't necessarily the best way to judge a career decision, but she lives very comfortably indeed.

(And the girl who wanted to be a hairdresser now has her own spa/salon and is raking it in too.)

Italiangreyhound · 03/12/2015 20:19

Nothing wrong with it but I wanted to be a nursery nurse from about age 12 to 16. I never have been and am glad I am not! (No offence to any nursery nurses, I love kids). It's best to keep all options open.

My advice is just to continue to be supportive, as you are, ignore stupid comments and help your dd feel empowered to follow this dream or any other she may select.

unlucky83 · 03/12/2015 20:48

Support your DD - encourage her to do as well as she can in her GCSEs etc so she has got choices but it is better to do something you love, if you earn enough to survive, than earn a lot of money and be miserable. And you can always change direction at a later date.
Also I know I'm a 'special' case - probably have ADHD , stopped going to school at 14 etc - I had had enough of studying, sitting behind a desk. But I am supposedly bright. I wanted to do a YOP (like an apprenticeship -for non-academic people) that would have been very hands on/practical - I was told not to be silly and sent off to do A levels so I could study the subject I was interested in at University etc and go in at management level. Even though I had rarely been to school for years I went off to A level college and didn't last the year. Then I went off to do a vocational course in something else -I wanted to do the basic course but I had 'too many O levels' so I was pushed onto an intermediate course (I had to fight for that - they wanted me to do the course that would lead to a degree and management) - I didn't finish that course either but got just the qualifications I needed part time... and had a successful career until the lack of using my brain (and other things) meant I had to change direction.
In my late 20s I went back and did A levels, a degree and a doctorate...
I have no regrets...except maybe I didn't insist on doing the YOP at 16 - I'm sure I would have got bored and fed up sooner but I would have found that out for myself...

Poppybella2015 · 03/12/2015 20:58

You are right to support her. I wanted to be a beauty therapist at age 16 and family/boyfriend/friends told me I was too clever. I really regret listening to them and only today (16 years down the line!) I was wondering if I was too old to re-train as a Beaty therapist! This post struck a chord with me! Even after I completed a degree and worked for 10 years now (in a boring job/roles that don't interest me) it is still my dream to be a Beauty therapist! But now I have children and a mortgage I dont think I could afford to start out in it now. I often wish I could turn back time and have been a beauty therapist!

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 03/12/2015 21:04

Sounds like an ace job to me. I have a 'sensible' job which I trained for to postgrad level and dislike to the point I'd prefer to work on NMW. Might as well enjoy yourself while you work.

jeanmiguelfangio · 03/12/2015 21:07

Good for her! At 14 you can be whatever you want. And everyone around her should support her too. Jeez I changed my mind throughout my school, uni and postgrad!! That's life isn't it? I think MUAs are amaxing, what they can do is truly art I think! Since when does intelligence come into what you love

TheBestNamesAreTaken · 03/12/2015 21:07

Teenagecrisis and thecarpenter I come from a very impoverished background, and I have a MUA friend who's just opened her own salon, and video game design friends, one newly in the industry after getting his degree as a mature student and one established a good few years. They all come from dilute backgrounds to my own. They may be more unusual careers, but achievable and valid paths nonetheless. Your daughter sounds mature, responsible & rational and of course should be able to count on your support.

TheBestNamesAreTaken · 03/12/2015 21:08

Dilute = similar!

PirateSmile · 03/12/2015 21:11

Tell her to go for it!

As for her health problems, my DP was told time and again he wouldn't be able to manage the physically demanding aspects of the profession he wanted to enter into. He was even summoned to his professor's office to be told to abandon his ambitions. He ignored all the 'advice' and did it anyway and he's now far more successful than anyone could have imagined...

CFSsucks · 03/12/2015 21:16

I've only read the OP but wanted to add YANBU.

DH's cousin is a makeup artist. I'm not sure if she is working at the moment but she studied it for 3 years at university and I have seen examples of her work. She is amazing! It's so much more than bloody making up someone's face and the people who are being negative are ignorant. I've seen full bodies painted and wounds, all sorts. It really is a great talent and no different to art imo.

Atenco · 03/12/2015 21:29

Your dd is lucky to have you as parents.

Considering the number of hours a week we have to spend working, it is a shame to spend them doing something you don't want to do just so we can have a few luxuries in our free time.

AyeAmarok · 03/12/2015 21:41

She's 14.

Between being 14 and 20 I wanted to be a vet, a marine biologist, a zoo keeper, a lawyer, a ballet teacher, a tennis coach, an air traffic controller, a stock broker...

Support her by all means, but don't expect her to still be thinking the same in 1, 2, 5 years time.

Keeping her options open is the best thing.

Hope the bunny has settled in again

Pandora97 · 03/12/2015 22:01

I got 100 per cent in one of my English Literature AS level exams but I'm not a writer (although I do enjoy it) and neither did I study English at uni. I'm a midwife, something I thought about doing when I was 14 but got told unis prefer mature students, it was too competitive etc. I started doing it 10 years later. Sometimes, I wish I'd done it at 18 or done nursing at 18 and then the midwifery conversion afterwards. But I'm not sure I would have been emotionally mature enough to cope so maybe it worked out for the best.

Anyway, just using that as an example of doing something completely different despite getting high grades. I love MAU, I'm really interested in it as a hobby and maybe would have done it professionally in another life. Definitely support her, it's great that she's got ambitions and got something to focus for. Even if she does change her mind, it doesn't matter as she'll always remember you taking her seriously and supporting her.

Original poster
Teenagecrisisagain · 03/12/2015 22:07

That's the thing, she may change her mind. Either way I'll be happy that she is happy and passionate about whatever she decides to do

I'm really surprised that the few people we've encountered have been so negative based on dds intelligence and where she goes to school and making out its a 'waste' !
Feel a lot better after posting here as everybody is so positive about it , thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Teenagecrisisagain · 03/12/2015 22:08

Bunny is great thanks Aye he has been thoroughly spoilt by dcs and is now fast asleep like a little dog after lots of playing treats and cuddles !

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/12/2015 22:37

I got a phew 100% in physics tests at that age. I wasn't good at all at uni level in physics. I barely scraped through. (although I am a scientist, but that is another thing)

What I tell my DS is that he should get the best possible grades he can get so that when the time comes he can actually choose where to go, or at least have a range of choices.
But then, he should pick whatever he likes doing. No matter what people do, they can be great at things they like, rather than be defined by the profession.

If she were to be a below average scientist or a great make up artist, I'd go with the great part. (and scientists are paid crap for how much they invest)