I know I Abu but how do I get over myself and stop?

[PinotAndPlaydough]

As the title says really, I know I'm being totally unreasonable with this but despite my best efforts I can't seem to get a grip on this.

Over the last month or so I find myself being hugely envious and jealous of others and it's getting me down. Everyday as I take my daughter to preschool I go past massive, beautiful houses knowing I'll never have a home like that and we will probably always be in a rented flat. I see the holidays, days out and things people do with their families knowing we just can't afford that. I hear other parents discussing swimming lessons and classes that we can't afford to send our children to.

It's such a wasted emotion, I know that really I'm very lucky and there are people in this world who would do anything to live the life I have. I try and count my blessings, my children are happy and healthy, they have a roof over their head and food on their table and yet....... I just want more for them and right now we aren't in a position to do that. Why can't I shake this feeling, how do I get over this selfishness of mine? It's really upsetting me.

Dukkha.

To put it from the other side.
I have more money than you but in some ways I could feel jealous of you too.
I need to work nearly full time as the main breadwinner for our household to pay the mortgage on the (reasonably sized, terraced) house, pay the bills and yes, afford some treats.
I am jealous of SAHMs because of the time you get to spend with your young DC. A day in the woods or the park and making some Christmas crafts genuinely sounds blissful to me. Mine will be doing that stuff with the child minder.
I often feel like I need to take my DC out at weekends to make it up to them that I'm not there for them in the week so I wind up spending more money. I also spend more money on groceries, presents etc because I don't have time to shop around, plan meals carefully and make things myself.
Sometimes I think I would rather have less money and more time but it is not easy to achieve. My request to work less hours was declined and just quitting my job is a pretty nuclear option.
So jealousy cuts both ways and doesn't help anyone. We should probably both try to count our blessings.

It's the life not working out how one expected thing isn't it. Can't lie, it does sting sometimes. We have a little money pit cottage in the country, a scabby workhorse 4 wheel drive, go on holiday to Wales etc. My siblings have exotic hols, huge modern houses, baby BMWs. Ah well.

No flaming from me.

Your children are not missing out.
They have your love and care 24/7 and it sounds as though you do lots of things with them.
My sister lives in one of those houses you so admire.
Detached, 5 bed.
She has a new car. Lots of holidays.
She also has a pig of a husband who she was thinking of leaving - then he had a massive stroke at 38.
She is now stuck caring for him, trying to keep their roof over their heads and is utterly miserable.
Her neighbour - also a big 5 bed house - has recently had to start taking in lodgers to make ends meet.
Thanks aren't always as they seem.....

Things even!...

Pinot there are plenty of full-time working mums on here including me that will envy you this afternoon.

2 & 4 is a very special age to spend with your children.

Cross post with Mamadoc. She says it much better than I do. I try to remind myself often of that poor child washed up in Turkey and his parents and give myself a mental clip around the ear.

Make a plan. You are doing the right thing to get your finances in order while they are young and everyone I know who has achieved where they want to be financially has done so by making a really strict plan and sticking to it. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Jealousy is actually a really useful emotion if you use it correctly. It helps you focus on what you actually want. You just have to recognise that feeling, and not feel bitter.

Oh and YANBU ;) just don't let it eat you up.

I used to get this a lot and then I stumbled on the psychology of being grateful/thankful. It really helped me, here's a good starter

www.wikihow.com/Be-Thankful

I know exactly what you mean.

I really don't k ow what happened but I started off well and have now been overtaken by eveyone.

I never stopped working to some degree (reduced hours after maternity leaves) and dp works full time but we don't have much to show fir it.

So nothing but sympathy from me.

I get you. It's so easy to look at others and their seemingly amazing lifestyles, big houses, holidays abroad, clothes, activities for kids, etc etc...and we're just like, right, gotta make sure the bills are covered and make this last £50 stretch to the end of the month

Every time the green eyed monster strikes, try (not easy but try) looking at your children and reminding yourself how bloody beautiful they are and how lucky you are to have them, make the most of these special years too!

After a devastating miscarriage years ago, I was told I would never have my own children.
Every day I think about the child I lost, how old he would be now.
Every day I see mothers with children and wish it was me.

It's been incredibly tough , but I keep my head in perspective by reminding myself every day that I have so much to be grateful for, a lovingly DH, sister, brothers, gorgeous nieces and nephews, a roof over my head (it's only a rented cottage but its still our home) a job I enjoy, and my health, which is overall good.
So many people have none of those things.

By the by, have you seen It's A Wonderful Life? That movie is awesome for making you feel better

I never really thought that anyone might be envious of me being a sahm, it's actually put things in perspective a bit for me; that while we don't have much now those who do have more might feel they are missing out too.

I think I need to try and get through Christmas and enjoy it and be greatful for the fact we've been able to slowly buy the children gifts over the year, so they will still have all that magic and enjoyment. Then I can focus on the future, continue to sort out our finances and enjoy the time I have left at home with my girls before I'm able to go back to work